To think big families are bloody hard work

[overindulged]

Quite honestly, I'd rather just focus on my own household the majority of the time, but I come from a family that likes to do stuff together for birthdays/christmases.

One family member has a birthday coming up, and everyone keeps saying how we need to arrange something "all together". Birthday person isn't bothered, is very easy going.

Trying to sort something and everyone is going "oh I'm busy that day, can we not do X day?"
"I don't fancy that kind of food, can't we go to X type of restaurant?" Etc etc.

So basically everyone wants everyone else to bend over backwards to accommodate their own preferences despite it not being their birthday and I'm bloody sick of it all ( and I have now said "let me know what you decide between you and I'll go along whatever!")

Do you have a family WhatsApp? Have a poll for date and venue, go with majority if you can't please everyone?

This

Absolutely pointless trying to arrange anything with DH’s enormous family. Even when you agree dates to see them (they’re 5 hours from us) when you get there half of them have forgotten, agreed to do something else etc.

My family is small but a PITA. It’s my mum’s 70th this month and I was organising something which she has now decided she isn’t sure she wants to do, so I’ve stopped. She may end up with a cup of tea at home rather than a nice lunch out but that’s her doing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just reply and say that there is no single date that everyone can do and no single type of food that everyone wants to eat, so they either accept that not everyone will be there, they eat food that isn’t their favourite, or they choose a date six months in advance so everyone can be there and they have a picnic in the park.

No idea why anyone would assume a big family was a blessing. Blood isn’t always thicker than water.

Polls on WhatsApp are a great way to sort this sort of stuff.
Ask:
What date can you do? (And list the options)
What restaurant shall we book? (And list the options)
Then book the most popular
Job done!

Doodle poll and whoever is organising gets final say on date and where you go. You can’t please everyone but the person doing the organising gets final say. Obviously the person organising shouldn’t deliberately pick somewhere that they know someone can’t eat (a place that only does spicy food and someone in the group doesn’t like spicy food or they don’t offer vegetarian options etc). If you don’t like it, you can organise it next time. It’s not about a big family, it’s the same with any big get together like Christmas works dos or a night out with friends. You’ve given your availability, so you’d only be unreasonable if you complain about the place they pick.

Yeah we do, it's the one with everyone arguing about where and when to go 😂 good idea to have a poll though.

Exactly.
No family close and thriving.

It’s a mixed blessing for sure. We both have large families and, unusually for mumsnet we like them all 😊. But getting everyone together is like herding cats. One DB has arranged some spectacular holidays for us all over the years and he books a year or so ahead, tells everyone the date and then leaves it up to them. Funnily enough everyone seems to make it! 26 of us last time.

A couple of friends have almost no extended family and in their cases they are especially close to their closest relatives ie their DC and partners. They also struggle with arrangements though. We are in the midst of an epidemic of flakism.

I know I consider myself lucky. But it grates on me that extended family want to capitalise my time with my kids like they have some god-given right to them.
I barely see them enough myself, the family politics over Christmas and being "fair" does my head in. What if I wanted to sit indoors with my kids and husband and not see anyone.

I have six siblings, my mam has five siblings, my dad has three. I actually do not know off the top of my head how many cousins, nieces and nephews I have. Polls in the group chat have saved us from many family meltdowns.

Do you not think that children often benefit from having an extended family?

@Comedycook Oh of course, it takes a village and all that - but not every single weekend and every single event. They are MY kids too.

Yup- organising big get togethers whether it’s family, work, friends whatever always brings out the fussy eaters, chronically disorganised, never reply to messages, entitled, doesn’t like putting their hand in their pocket, I’m not available till July 2027 pains in the asses. Just pick what suits the birthday person and a reasonable majority and be comfortable with the fact you’ll never please everyone.