It's a wedding one

[EnfysHeulenEira]

So it's our 20th wedding anniversary in 2 years time, we've booked a massive party because it's been an absolutely shit time and why the fuck not.
Yeah it's a while away but we wanted people to save the date, we're paying for everything for our guests.. food, drinks, 4k behind the bar and hotel rooms. Children are invited in case anyone cares!

Anyway! We have it booked for June 2026 and my brother has just proposed to his absolutely amazing girlfriend.

We have friends who will be travelling a fair distance (5 hours) for both parties. I think we should postpone our party in case his brother and his fiancé choose to get married in July. They are looking to get married in July 2026 so it really would be a case of our shared family coming up for 2 events within months of each other.

My husband thinks we should go ahead with our party as it is before their proposed wedding date

However my gut is saying that we either won't get people coming to our party despite it being entirely on us as a treat because they will have to come back up less than a month later for the wedding if they get the date they want

If your brother was so concerned about the family then he wouldn't have booked it so close to your party.

Cancel it and use the money for a luxury holiday for yourselves and enjoy. No matter how much you spend on others reality is people are ungrateful...this is your special time go ahead make it about yourselves not others. Also yes I believe ppl will be reluctant to travel twice for events and it will cause issues.

They will struggle and it's good of you to think of others. Can you hold yours next year, could you align dates to make it a re-engagement party? Then you get all the fun and focus next year, DB and fiancee get the focus the year after.

Yeah I think a big old holiday might be the thing we need instead of a party

If your brother is aware of your party then its on him to sort the date of the wedding around it

I agree with this .

Yes. Spend the money on yourselves. People will come just to drink the bar dry .

That’s a lot of money to spend, for what could end up being very stressful, organising events always are. You’ll see family at the wedding anyway, so i’d spend the money on a nice romantic holiday

I get what you are saying and I know that even if they all know in advance, they will probably give the wedding presidence if they have to choose. If you are spending £6,000 on this party....think what a couple of weeks travelling or visiting somewhere on your bucket list would be like instead! You will see everyone at the wedding!

If you cancel the plans you’ve both been really excited about, you are essentially telling your DH that your brother’s marriage is more important than yours. It’s surely for your brother to move his date as yours is already booked?

If I were you I'd be going on a once in a lifetime holiday like the Maldives instead with your immediate family

Another vote for a holiday and lovely restful and quality time together. The bonus is that you still get to see all your nearest and dearest at the wedding, can dress up and have a party to look forward to without having to organise or pay for it!

Have you already publicised the date of your party? Or not yet. Maybe just have a conversation with your brother about it?

You say it’s on you, but it’s probably quite expensive to attend still due to travel/babysitters/dog sitters/accommodation/outfits/gifts. What proportion of your intended guest list will overlap with your brother’s? Wouldn’t you have invited friends that won’t make it to his wedding? Are you sure he’s planning a big do?

I have a huge family, eight siblings all married with adult DC. DC1 and his cousin recently married one month apart. Everyone attended both full days. No one said anything and in comparison to a wedding, attending your party will be cheap.

Also just to put something into the mix, I'd be surprised if £4k behind the lar lasted more than an hour.

Go on holiday instead. Enjoy your brothers wedding.

Oh behave.

We had a massive party for our 25th.
Lots of people came and I think they enjoyed themselves.
However I really regret not spending the money on a holiday.

Nobody else we know has had an anniversary party.
They’ve either had a quiet family meal or been divorced long before. 😂

But the brother isn't concerned. It sounds like the issue is OP worrying that family members won't want to come to both events just a month apart, and will prioritise a wedding. It's not that the brother is bothered that they're close together.

I think i would struggle to know my plans 2 years in advance as a guest at a party, OP.

To be honest, I'd probably have to just be tentative 2 years in advance as a guest at a non-immediate family member wedding too.

I'm in my 50s so not sure if it's an age thing, but planning so far ahead for discretionary things gives me the wobbles - Priorities change so fast.

Obvs different if it was one of my children planning their wedding,

How come your brother isn't considering the same thing you are? Your party is booked, that's on him to not book his so close to yours.

We did this. I had a couple of people saying they couldn’t make it for ridiculous reasons. It was our 25th anniversary and my sister said she couldn’t come for a baby shower of someone she used to work with. 🤦🏼‍♀️ she had my save the date first. I just thought stuff it and cancelled. Had a cruise in Yacht club instead. Much better.

Cancel it and go on holiday the 2 of you. Being married for 20 years is lovely but the reality is nobody really cares about it except the 2 of you. If people have to choose between the wedding and your party they will pick the wedding.