Does anyone else get this blended family guilt?

[MsBaggins]

I have a ds11 from a previous relationship and a toddler with my dh. Ds goes to his dads EOW and once in the week. We are flexible with contact as ds and his dad do a hobby together and if it occasionally falls on my weekend he will go off with his dad for a few hours here and there. I allow this because ds enjoys it even though it's pretty inconvenient for me and any plans I might have with ds.

I get this weird guilt about doing anything fun without ds. I feel like I save all of our fun stuff for the weekends when he's at home because if I don't it's like he's missing out. At this time of year we have lots of family traditions - pumpkin picking, Christmas tree picking, we go to the same little markets and cafes every year and so on. It's something I've always loved doing and want to continue it. But with the sporadic weekends and other commitments I'm finding it hard to find free weekends when ds is with us.

Then equally I feel guilt that my toddler is missing out because it's almost like I'd rather not do it at all than do it without ds. But she deserves to have these memories and fun times too.

Ds is going on holiday with his dad's family next half term and dh suggested we go away with the toddler. But it just feels wrong to me to do things without my other child. It's not that I don't want to. I just feel bad, even though ds is off enjoying himself with his dad.

Am I bonkers for feeling this way? Obviously as the toddler grows up we will do more with her regardless but at the moment it's almost like she's too young to understand.

But he's not missing out he's having a lovely time with his Dad.
You need to listen to your DH and go ahead and have fun with your little girl.
And no you're not bonkers.

Do not put your daughter’s life on hold because your son is not there. It’s not fair he gets to live a full life at both parents’ houses while she’s forever waiting for brother to come back to do something.

I completely understand this and don't even have a blended family. When ds1 was at nursery I felt the same guilt about doing things with ds2! I would say, make sure he is part of anything that is a 'tradition' eg pumpkin picking etc But a spontaneous weekend away - go and enjoy!

I can understand this and I'd feel the same. As holidays are not usually taken that often I think it would be fine to take them only when your older ds is with you. The younger one would still be going on as many holidays as he would if you did them separately from your ds.
If you take holidays every half term you could do one that would appeal to toddlers more without ds11
Also with the treats, if you are doing them every week then try and do the younger stuff like santa visits, or meeting little pals when ds11 is away. If you do treats more like every fortnight then it's fine to plan them for when ds11 is there as again your younger one will still be doing the same number

An 11 year old boy and a toddler girl have vastly different interests. When your DS is at his dad’s, you can cater to your DD’s age appropriate interests. I’m sure DS will be thrilled he doesn’t have to spend an entire day at Peppa Pig World.