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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do all paediatric an and e units have this rule ?

30 replies

Notagoodrule · 01/10/2024 22:09

Just 1 parent/carer per child?

We’ve had to really argue today so that both of us were allowed to stay with dd. Not what we needed at a stressful time. She has autism (she’s 3) and needs both of us there to care for her but it was just a constant battle. It just made a difficult situation so much worse

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 01/10/2024 22:10

DH and I were both allowed to stay when DS was in children's A&E a few weeks ago but I think it's because they weren't very busy so let us both stay. We were prepared for one of us to have to go home though.

PathOfLeastResitance · 01/10/2024 22:11

The one near me is the same. Im
guessing it’s to stop the family outing to a and e and also allow the medical staff the space to do what they need to do. Also, less seats to provide.

Original poster
Notagoodrule · 01/10/2024 22:11

PathOfLeastResitance · 01/10/2024 22:11

The one near me is the same. Im
guessing it’s to stop the family outing to a and e and also allow the medical staff the space to do what they need to do. Also, less seats to provide.

It was just relentless and they could see it needed two of us there to keep her calm and allow them to do any tests / treatment etc

OP posts:
Exsqueezemeee · 01/10/2024 22:12

I've had a few stays recently with my son and my husband has stayed aswell, no problem. I hadn't even considered it might be tbh!

McGregor33 · 01/10/2024 22:12

Usually there is me and one other with my baby and nothing has ever been said. We need to go through a&e triage before headed up to the open access ward.

Original poster
Notagoodrule · 01/10/2024 22:12

Illdoittommorow · 01/10/2024 22:11

If she has an official diagnosis then you might be able to get a hospital passport, which states she needs 2:1 care for example.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/physical-health/my-health-passport

Yes she does so I will try To get one thankyou as we’ve had a few trips there recently as she has quite bad asthma

OP posts:
Choconuttolata · 01/10/2024 22:14

It depends, exceptions made for new mothers for partners to support if baby unwell, kids with additional needs who are hard to manage with one parent, very sick kids and if it is not busy anyone can have 2 parents. If it is busy they will ask the other parent to sit outside as not enough seats for all the sick kids.

SnapdragonToadflax · 01/10/2024 22:17

Ours has that rule when it's busy, yes. Not enough room for everyone otherwise. You're allowed two parents when you're admitted though.

paradyning · 01/10/2024 22:20

Are there learning disability nurses available at your hospital? There should be if it is large enough to have a paeds ED. They'll be back in the morning. Try to get in touch as they will help facilitate for future visits

Suzuki70 · 01/10/2024 22:22

I believe it's one at A&E and overnight on the ward, but during the day on the ward we both stayed. We were in our own room with a little kitchenette, but they deliberately put one single bed in them.

BarbaraHoward · 01/10/2024 22:25

It's a very sensible rule really, most kids don't need two adults with them and it keeps things a bit calmer. Obviously they should've readily made an exception for you though (along with very sick kids, newborns etc), it's really bad that they didn't.

BrigadierEtienneGerard · 01/10/2024 22:28

Of the 3 hospitals I have taken children to, all 3 had this rule.

User780 · 01/10/2024 22:42

Ours has this rule but there is clearly some flexibility. We had to take baby in when she was days or early weeks old, I was too unwell with mastitis to take her alone but had to be there to breastfeed. With a very very small baby nobody asked one of us to leave. I would expect them to ask it of us now, but you are clearly also in a situation where flexibility is needed.

Craftysue · 01/10/2024 22:47

It's probably due to space. I've been to A& E a few times when the kids were younger and sometimes it's like a family outing. Obviously they should make exceptions for a child with special needs. Have a word with the sister/ charge nurse

5475878237NC · 01/10/2024 22:55

This is discrimination on the grounds of disability. You are both there as carers and your child needs 2:1 care. I would refuse to leave. They should be making exceptions where appropriate. Please contact PALS to complain to the Equality Lead and Chief Nurse.

Sarab85 · 01/10/2024 23:01

Our baby boy was admitted at 5 weeks and 13 weeks and we were only allowed one of us to stay overnight 🥲 and at 13 weeks he had started his vaccinations so was put on a ward with 7 much older children (aged 8 upwards) awful night

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 01/10/2024 23:22

Ours has this rule but hospitals are not exempt from having to provide reasonable adjustments for disability.

Reasonable is subjective though and not all autistic individuals need 2 on 1 care, or even 1 on 1 care, and there's a lack of public knowledge about the spectrum of need.

It may not always be reasonable or safe for doctors and nurses to perform their duties with multiple carers present, and in A&E it's really not the place for having those discussions.

I do strongly recommend the hospital passport if you can. It's an additional tool of advocacy.

My own son requires 2 on 1 care as he's a runner and becomes easily distressed when he's not allowed to be self directed. Hospital passport is a must for kids like him as a lack of support from carers puts not only him at risk but those doing their duties too.

BlueFlint · 01/10/2024 23:25

I ended up in paediatric A&E with an under 1 year old (didn't really need or want A&E but we had an OOH GP appointment through 111 and when we arrived for that we were told that all little kids were sent straight to the emergency department instead). She had an extremely high fever we couldn't get down and was quite poorly and distressed. I had a six hour wait to be seen and my husband was sent away. It was quite stressful (I couldn't, for example, pop to the loo during that time). And honestly I think we would have been better off at home. It was quite eye opening re the dire situation the NHS is in, despite staff doing their best.

I do think in your situation you definitely should have both been welcomed to stay.

Wasywasydoodah · 01/10/2024 23:32

Ive been to paed Aand E a few years ago when all and sundry were allowed in. It was like a circus. Sounds like a good rule to me.

doodlydooo · 01/10/2024 23:34

This was us last month too. DC diagnosed with rare disease and only one parent allowed to stay. They let us both stay in the end because my anxiety was through the roof and DC wanted me but I could barely function without DH.

JohnTheRevelator · 01/10/2024 23:35

Quite a few years ago (2006) when my DGD was in hospital,the staff insisted that only one parent could stay at night with her. During the daytime,both could be there.

johnd2 · 01/10/2024 23:37

Yeah both our hospitals are like that, I think because they can care for the children better if it's simpler. Same overnight once admitted but you can have more visitors during the day time and they aren't super strict about kicking the other parent out on the dot
It is annoying in a & e if your child is super ill and can't stand, because you have to carry them in and out of the little rooms plus all the stuff you brought in case you were admitted, but the staff try to be helpful with luggage.
Hope your little one is ok now.

Justlurking10 · 01/10/2024 23:41

Same at my local peads A&E, they will allow more if quiet however if it’s busy it’s strictly 1:1.
you wouldn’t believe how many unfortunately treat it as a day out. If you want the other parent close by then we usually advise they sit in the car.

BeAvidCrab · 01/10/2024 23:41

Ours does that when busy as otherwise there is not enough space for the sick children.

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