Chinese street dogs, my parents and my kids… AIBU

[mamato3NW]

Around 2.5 years ago, my parents got a street dog from China through this woman who runs a rescue centre who they met through Facebook - it was shipped over to UK and has generally been an OK pet, it’s a terrier breed, bit yappy and not the friendliest thing but generally all bark no bite, we’ll call this dog A.
18 months ago they decided to get dog B, somehow convinced by this woman that this next dog was a relation of the one they have got.
It arrived in UK and it was immediately obvious it’s traumatised, scared of his own shadow, he’s been hunted by humans on the street. The dog then lived under their dining room table for 12 months shaking.
They got a dog trainer and now they can get it on a lead and it walks, and is becoming slightly more confident, but very wary around humans, loud noises etc - fine in a quiet house left alone.

My parents have always helped me out with my kids, DD-3, DS-5, DS2-14, generally it’s been fine no incident with the dog, but recently we all went over for a meal, and my daughter ran across the room past dog 2, he jumped up and bite her leg. Fortunately, he only got her thigh he left marks and a slight bit of blood, but no major damage. Medically she’s fine.
My problem is now is I don’t want to have my children at my parents house until the dog is ‘normal’, my parents think I’m being completely unreasonable, they say it only happened one time and doesn’t usually happen, and it’s causing me major problems with Childcare.
I’ve said, I’ll put the children into after-school club, etc, but now they’re saying I’m taking their grandchildren away from them. I genuinely don’t know what to do.
My husband and all his family are saying the children shouldn’t go around to the house because of the dog.
I’ve said to my mum, she can have the children at my house, but I work from home, and now when she’s at my house, she’s letting them come and disturb me when I’m at work (in an office on a top floor) and then saying well if they could come to my house, this wouldn’t be a problem.
The whole situation is affecting our relationship with my parents, my husband, it’s impacting my work, and leaving me stressed.
what do I do? AIBU?

why do people insist on importing dogs-we are overmwhelmed with resuces here

no way wouldd i let any child go there again-theyre the ones who are stopping seeing gc not you

They probably should have met the dog first. Though I have no problem with people buying or adopting dogs from wherever. One dogs needs need is not greater than another based on geography, and people are rightfully free to choose what animal they want in their house wether from a rescue, from a breeder or anywhere else.

They need to either get rid of the dog or accept the fact that the children can't go round. The dog is absolutely not safe to be around children, even a non nervous and highly predictable dog needs to be watched closely. I wouldn't have had this dog near kids before a bite incident let alone after.

Put a lock on your office door so the kids can't get in. War noise cancelling headphones and while your mother is there and you're at work it's entirely her responsibility to watch them. The kids will give up once they realise they can't get through the door during work hours and you can't hear them.

Thought these overseas rescues were all a scam.
How in the world do you get a street dog “relation”
scam scam scam

I have two dogs that I adore but if either hurt my DD they would be gone.

Put your children in after school club, if your mum wants to see them she can come to yours when you are not working or take them out somewhere evenings/weekends etc. Do not let her manipulate you into giving in, you are doing the right thing.

This dog will never be able to be trusted. Your parents are not helping at all by bringing young children into its home, can't actually think of much worse for a traumatised, nervous dog than a bunch of loud kids running around.

They are failing both the dog and their grandchildren, stay strong on this.

I've met lots of well meaning people who have adopted Romanian street dogs only to find that the dog is so traumatised that no amount of training or behaviourist experts can help and their lives are miserable as the dog has to be permanently on a lead/terrified of men/aggressive to other dogs etc etc etc

Pay for proper childcare and don’t allow them in the home with the dogs.

I love dogs, I am not a dog hater by any means- but rescue dogs with that sort of trauma and children should never mix.

Definitely don’t let your children go to them. One of my dogs is a bite risk, she came as foster and is absolutely not suitable for rehoming and if I didn’t keep her she would be put to sleep. I am a dog trainer, have a good understanding of her and I have a private fully fenced field to walk her and my others in. She is a happy dog now but there’s always going to be risk with her. We very rarely have visitors and on the rare occasions we do she goes in a crate and we would absolutely not allow children here. Your parents should not be so blasé about this, dogs can cause alot of damage.

Sorry this has happened OP. Glad your daughter wasn't too badly injured. You are not being unreasonable at all wanting the kids and dogs away from each other.

Can your parents slowly build up to muzzling the dog? There are far friendlier muzzles available now that still allow drinking and eating. Plus keeping the dogs locked away in another part of the house when your parents have visitors?

I don't think the dog needs pts. If it has been traumatised by being chased it makes sense that your daughter running triggered it. That said, obviously not your daughter's fault and they need keeping apart. The dog also needs further training with a behaviourist.

I'd put the children in after school care and let your Mum sulk.

@UtterlyOtterly are you for real saying this:

It's here, causing injuries and stress. That one animal has been "rescued" but what about all the animals slaughtered to make its dog food? Who is going to "rescue" them from a miserable life? The whole thing is totally ridiculous.

I've never heard anything as ridiculous. The dog's food is more than likely a byproduct of the food industry for humans. Animals aren't slaughtered for pet consumption, they are slaughtered for human consumption, and the shite left over is what the majority of pet food is made up of.

OP, you aren't being unreasonable to not have your children there, but they aren't unreasonable if they want to rescue dogs that have been treated disgustingly by humans either.

If the dig attacks human once then it will do it again. Your parents are in denial at the cost of your children’s safety. I won’t let them near the dog again.
and why they have to go through all the trouble to bring dogs from China ? Surely there are dogs needing home in U.K. .

Sadly I would never ever trust that dog around my children again, even if I'm there to supervise. A dog attack can happen and escalate so quickly and it's just not worth the risk. The dog now sees your child as a potential threat too. I'm so sorry.

The dog needs putting down and your parents need to give themselves a good talking too. There are plenty of dogs in this country that need a home, we don't need to import them.

Please protect your children even if it means upsetting your parents. The dog has bitten once, it is not worth the risk of it happening again and the potential for it to be even worse next time

I’m a massive dog lover, but YANBU.

Biting dog = no DC in the house.

She is the one making a choice and she’s choosing bitey dog over her DGC.

It's very straightforward - your parents are prepared to put your children at risk by exposing them to a dog that has bitten. You need to make alternative arrangements for childcare and tell your parents that the children will not be able to go to her house while they have the dog. Sorry OP but they have made their choice. You need to protect your children and your mum having them at your house while you're trying to work isn't feasible.

Actually both are in the wrong OP you sort out your own child care & keep an eye on your child when in other people’s houses that’s your job as a parent.. Grandparents you see the children in their own home no risk child getting bitten until children are sensible & old enough around traumatised dog. Continue to work with the behaviourist Sorted.

I despair at the posts saying to put the dog to sleep! Would you say that about a traumatised human?
This poor dog has experienced trauma, most likely it's whole life. What this dog needs is a suitable, calm environment with people that have worked with traumatised dogs previously.
They should not have taken this dog on if they are not able to properly care for the dog. Certainly young children should not be around further traumatising it.
Please look for people with specialised training to enable the dog to recover.

Your parents sound like lovely people for putting in the effort to help a traumatised dog, and for being so involved with their grandchildren that they provide free care.

I’d try and find somewhere else to work so that you don’t get disturbed and so your mum doesn’t have the horrible job of telling children they have to leave their own mum alone.

Apart from anything else why the hell do people get dogs from China/Romania or anywhere else when there are so many dogs i need here?

You're right, the dog is a big risk as it is fearful and children can trigger fear aggression easily.

All you can do is protect your children from being unsupervised as the dogs owner are utterly blind and deluded if they dismiss that as nothing to be concerned about.

At the least they could manage the situation and keep them apart as dog would be happier too.

Unfortunately if they are going to insist you are unreasonable you can't trust them to do this, so you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

That's awful op.

I was in a similar situation, but luckily dog bit my child when he was sitting still reading and not near the dog... And my parents saw it, so could see the dog was not stable or happy near children.
Fortunately no long term harm and finally my parents saw sense (he had bitten me twice already, but no witnesses and they claimed provocation)... So I was lucky on both counts.

@mamato3NW have you got an update for us on what your plan is?

Thank you all for your comments and reassurance.

I think my parents have just taken on the dog trying to be good Samaritans, (both have a strong rescuer complex), with good intentions and without thinking it through and it annoys me that they have done this, had they gone through a legitimate charity they wouldn’t have been allowed to have it as most don’t rehome with children who visit regularly.

They had an ok experience with Dog A, that ones been fine; but Dog B was a different matter, and there isn’t a lot you can do once it’s been shipped to the country apart from try and rehome it again, which I know they don’t want to do and they won’t PTS.

I have spoken to them and reaffirmed my position about the children being at their house, all these comments made me feel more confident that my concerns are valid.

They have called the dog trainer back in too so hopefully my firm stance will push them to do proper rehabilitation with the dog.

I have reinstalled the stair gates in our house so the children can’t come up when I’m working and have spoken to them too - if this doesn’t work then it’s afterschool club for them.

thanks all 🙏

If it's anything like my experience of trying to adopt a cat many UK rescues have such rigid, check box requirements that make it nearly impossible to adopt. We're looking at adopting our next cat from overseas because of this but using a rescue that has ties to the UK.

Really like dogs. It needs rehoming with someone expert in such dogs, with a child free environment. Failing that, PTS. It sounds like the poor creature still has a pretty miserable, frightened existence.