Dsis and travel plans

[AnonAndOn80]

NC for this, just in case

I’m genuinely unsure as to whether I am BU on this one. I should say that my DSis is a lovely person whom I adore but this one thing is bugging me.

My DSis and DBil keep booking holidays without my toddler DN.

So far this year they have been on a 2 week long haul holiday, a week’s European break and some other short breaks abroad - totalling about a month away.

They’ve just now booked a week away at Easter next year to the Balearics and aren’t taking him. He stays with Bil’s family when they go away and there are no issues with them being put upon as they are retired and enjoy having him so that’s not the concern - DN is very well cared for by his DGPs.

DSis is a SAHM and they have a lovely life, with zero money issues (hence the multiple trips away) and so I just don’t get why they don’t take him. DN is a joy and as toddlers go, is one of the easier ones, and would love a beach holiday. They went away for a couple of days to Spain over the summer and he had a whale of a time and was not difficult in the slightest.

AIBU to wonder why you wouldn’t take your child away for the majority of your holidays and spend almost a month away from
them?

My DC are almost adults and I know it can be a bit of a busman’s holiday with small DC but they are some of my most favourite memories with them. I just feel quite sad and bewildered that they wouldn’t take him - they seem to be prioritising time as a couple over to an extreme degree.

Fully expecting to be flamed for daring to judge but I genuinely adore my DSis and she’s a wonderful mum to DNephew. This just makes me feel sad for some reason.

Because they'd rather be on their own.

i always think it's a bit selfish when oarents do this a lot.

So you know you're being judgemental already?

Clearly they want to enjoy a holiday, which arguably would look very different with a toddler in tow. Also arguably the toddler would get very little from these holidays.

Not every fibre of your existence has to be about being a parent.

I imagine as your nephew gets older he'll be involved in the holidays.

It's a very British thing to believe that children must be with their parents 100% of the time and that parents must dedicate their entire lives to their children. Personally, I'm not originally from the UK and I spent months of the year every year with extended family growing up. I have a wonderful relationship with my aunties, grandparents and my parents. I now have my DS and my parents will be heavily involved in his life. And yes, I plan on going on holiday without him. A holiday with a toddler is really difficult. Especially if she's a SAHM, she's entitled to a break.

I can't see what value a long haul flight and unfamiliar hotel will bring for a poor toddler.

I have 2 (pretty easy) toddlers and I slightly dread going on holiday with them. They need your attention even more than at home. You constantly have to stop them breaking things because the accommodation isn't childproofed or hurting/killing themselves with cliffs and pools etc. It's much more work than staying home with them.
If your sister is SAHM, she's with him 24/7. It's exhausting being on-call all the time.

I get one holiday a year just adults for some real downtime.
Personally we love holidays with our daughter and thankfully she's always been a very good traveller.

Thanks for the comments so far.

I appreciate that being with your DC almost constantly may be a very British thing, hence me posting. We are all British but my frame of reference is not necessarily the norm.

Whilst DSis is a SAHM, DNephew goes to nursery 2/3 days a week and they’ve got plenty of local support (including a private nanny) but 100% appreciate the relentlessness of being home a large proportion of the day with a toddler. However good he may be!

I wouldn't want to do that and have never spent more than 3 nights away from DC because I don't want to and wouldn't enjoy it. I can see how other people want more of a break and it is probably good for their relationship. Maybe having childcare you really trust helps