To ask why DC can't watch Disney?

[Alittlebitwary]

Please help settle an argument for us, I realise how trivial it sounds, but the principle is really bugging me!

DC (5) sat down after school and asked if she could watch telly. DH said yes, but must be CBeebies, not Disney. DC miffed as wants to watch Disney. So I say well why can't she watch Disney?

Genuine question - they watch all sorts of stuff on the kids profile Disney and it's never an issue. We all literally watched a Disney film together as a family on Sunday.

DH instead of explaining, gets pissed off with me for undermining his parenting and says the reason doesn't matter, I should agree with him and enforce it, not question it in front of her.

My view is, wtaf - I didn't say she could watch it, I simply asked the reason he said no. He is adamant I should not question him in front of her as it's undermining his parenting and she'll think she can do whatever she wants. I 100% disagree and do not want to raise a child that blindly follows rules without question if it's genuinely unclear why that rule is there. Doesn't mean we should not follow a rule, but understanding why helps with compliance, surely! (Obviously if it's a valid reason).

Anyway, argument ensued and DH is fuming with me and now doesn't want to speak to me. Managed to get out of him that it's just "crap" and not educational. Generally we back each other up and enforce things we have agreed on but it seems this is purely his opinion on this particular day. My opinion would be that she's had a full day at school and it's fine to watch some mindless telly to wind down, and had we talked about this beforehand I'd have disagreed with him banning it purely because he felt like it today.

So did I undermine him or is my view also valid?

I somewhat see both sides of this, but I think you took the right approach. It’s good you’re seeking clarity and ensuring you’re both on the same page. Just means you’re parenting on a united front ultimately, unlike his approach.

I don’t think Disney is any worse than CBeebies, just sounds like he doesn’t like Disney. I’d understand if he cancelled the subscription or something but the reason of “it’s crap” is stupid. Most adults are going to find content catered towards children to be rubbish, but your daughter enjoys it. I don’t think TV after school has to be educational, you might tire her out.

I think he’s wrong for not explaining his reasoning, though ideally you should have asked him about it out of earshot of DC. I agree that blindly following arbitrary rules isn’t necessarily a good thing for DC to
learn. I explain my reasoning to DS when I’m telling him to do something - he might disagree but at least he understands why I’ve made the rule.

Disney probably does have more crap than CBeebies but just saying ‘no Disney’ when you’ve all been watching it together a couple of days earlier is confusing for DC. Inconsistent rules are harder to enforce so he’s shooting himself in the foot if all he wants is compliance.

Well, for a start I don't think all kids viewing has to be educational. Some things are surely for fun, like the Disney film you all watched the other day for example. Secondly he should have explained his reasoning and not just said "no". Finally, I think you should have asked him out of earshot as I do agree with the united parental front. He is being a jerk not to speak to you though, unless you regularly question him in front of your DD.

To settle the argument you could admit you were wrong for having that conversation in front of DC as it could be perceived by her as undermining him. However he must also accept that he was wrong for unilaterally imposing a rule that you hadn’t agreed on - which actually was undermining you. So he undermined you first. You both apologise and agree that in the future you agree new rules together first before imposing them on DC. This will lead to better parenting decisions as you are able to share perspectives and it should prevent poor rules from being created in a reactionary manner.

DH instead of explaining, gets pissed off with me for undermining his parenting and says the reason doesn't matter, I should agree with him and enforce it, not question it in front of her

He'll undermine his own parenting if he's inconsistent, especially without explanation.

Ask him if he wasn't allowed to watch ITV when he was a child.

It's just snobbery.

When mine were tweens I wouldn't let them watch those pre-teen Disney shows like Hannah Montana but that was more because I couldn't stand hearing it in the background. All that bad acting and canned laughter.

Disney+ has some great stuff. Like Bluey.

Exactly this. Great answer.

All he had to say in response to your question. was that he thought today’s viewing needed to be educational. You say ok, thanks for explaining.

It would have been undermining to then disagree with him in front of the children. That is a conversation to have privately. You can explain your position that you think some silliness is warranted after a day at school and come to an agreement together for next time

children deserve explanations. It helps them feel secure and helps them understand how to make good decisions independently.

Sounds like he's come up with some flimsy excuse as to why he doesn't want her to watch it because he just doesn't like disney himself. What a dick. As for him fuming at you and arguing etc - pathetic. This would give me the ick. I also don't agree with rules for rules sake, I would give my child reasons as to why they can't do something at least.

Disney has just as much educational and non educational stuff as c Beebies he is creating an arbitrary distinction he cannot see through at all and certainly cannot enforce as they are at school (and will watch movies there that include Disney

tell him to stop being such a snob

This is regular discussion in our house, usually coming from me stating no disney.
The reason...whilst disney is very good and has lots of fab things to watch, they will watch the same things over and over. I love bluey for instance, but not for the 20 millionth time! Choose a film I say, thousands to choose from....encanto, moana are on constant repeat.
So I've now saying cbeebies, because at least there is a little variety they can't control and the episodes are short so a good prompt that we leave the house after this program or dinner is ready after this one.
I do agree that there needs to be a reason and he should communicate that with you and your DD, but my guess its more that he too has had enough of listening to the same voices!

I have now spoken to him and we've both apologised and resolved it, but still interested to hear opinions. He was mainly pissed off at me asking the question in front of her, but also the tone of my voice which admittedly I can see probably felt undermining 😆 even though I genuinely wanted to know the reason!

As for the actual reason, he said about the content generally being more overstimulating on Disney with the bright colours and fast pace etc (I suspect he's been reading articles about this which I know I've read about things like cocomelon) and just decided he'd set a random boundary today as she was tired after school and he didn't want to make it worse.

I've agreed to not question within earshot in future and he's agreed to explain things if it's not something we've pre agreed. I also said that I don't think DC should feel she can't ask for the reasons behind rules. I'll also point out that inconsistency is confusing, so thanks for those highlighting this!!

Honestly who knew parenting was so ridiculous!

Love this !!,

I'm a 60s baby. We lived rurally and our TV airiel could either pick up BBc1 and BBC 2 in the 70s ... or turn it round to the other transmitter and pick up BBC1 and ITV. It was of course tuned to the former as 'ITV is common' ... we were furious at the time as lots of good stuff on ITV but looking back this was actually great or we would of missed 'MASH' , Spike Milligans Q7,8 etc and Not the nine o'clock news ' .

Mums excuse was that she couldn't climb on top of the roof and turn it round .. which she bloody could have ! She was a farmer and used to all kinds of shenanigans and put the thing up in the first place !

See, I fully take this on board - but also on the flip side I liken this to the kids liking some familiarity and enjoying a "safe" little cosy programme - like I enjoy watching episodes of friends or other easy watching series on repeat just for the feel good factor and familiarity if I've had a long day. Something i don't have to follow or think about. Maybe different for kids though, and I do get being fed up of the same stuff. Anything resembling cocomelon is banned here purely because I can't stand listening to it 😂 no other reason!
I also prefer Disney for stopping because I can usually pause it to get away with tearing them away from it, with the promise of resuming "next time" lol

This explains why children rewatch programmes and why it is does not mean they’re learning nothing. https://www.chicagoparent.com/parenting/advice/why-do-kids-watch-the-same-thing-over-and-over/#:~:text=They%20are%20learning,doing%20it%20all%20over%20again.

https://psychology-spot.com/why-kids-watch-the-same-movie/

I don't think everything always has to be educational for kids. Why can't they just relax after school and watch something they enjoy to wind down?
Does your dh only watch documentaries?

Disney can be educational anyway sometimes. My dd's teacher once said she was very impressed with her knowledge of capital cities and famous landmarks around the world. She asked if I'd been teaching her them. I asked dd where she'd learned it all from and she said Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 😆