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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

y12 child home alone

98 replies

wishiwasinbarbados · 01/10/2024 15:10

…for 2 weeks whilst parents are 6000 miles away for work.

Don't know much about this family, but 17yr old seems sensible enough to me and seems fine with the situation. I just don't think I would have left my own 17yr old for that long? Is it too long??

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/10/2024 15:34

Once upon a time the school leaving age was 16.

and off out to work we went...

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 15:35

Plenty of students start their first year of uni when they're 17, so being at home for 2 weeks is clearly not a problem.

I'm curious why you wouldn't have left your 17 year old for that length of time?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2024 15:35

Depends on the 17 yo!

Also, seems silly to refer to them by their school year rather than their age, as it’s the age that’s relevant. A n august born 17 yo in year 13 wouldn’t be more mature than a Sept born 17 in year 12.

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/10/2024 15:36

Their choice, just because you wouldn't leave yours that long.

Wellingtonspie · 01/10/2024 15:37

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2024 15:35

Depends on the 17 yo!

Also, seems silly to refer to them by their school year rather than their age, as it’s the age that’s relevant. A n august born 17 yo in year 13 wouldn’t be more mature than a Sept born 17 in year 12.

I thought it was a typo for a second and that someone was leaving a 12 year old.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 01/10/2024 15:39

rainbowunicorn · 01/10/2024 15:33

It seems like it doesn't have anything to do with you so why is it bothering you enough to start a thread about it?

@rainbowunicorn

i expect just to wind the bobbin up. Yet another thread with a non returning OP , it's getting bloody tedious!!

coffeesaveslives · 01/10/2024 15:42

lol, of course it's fine.

Mischance · 01/10/2024 15:44

As a social worker - many years ago - I used to visit 16 year old girls who lived alone - and looked after their babies!

steppemum · 01/10/2024 15:44

we did it.
went on holiday and left ds and dd behind (their choice, they wanted to work and earn money and not go away)

2 weeks, they were 18 and 16. ds (18) wasn't there all the time.

They also had to look after pets and walk dog.

I left freezer/cupboards full of food and we have close friends just round the corner and grandparents 20 minutes away for emergencies.

they were sensible enough and old enough. My biggest worry was that I knew ds woudl probably have a party. (he did, it was fine)

TheBelleOfBelfastCity · 01/10/2024 15:45

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 15:35

Plenty of students start their first year of uni when they're 17, so being at home for 2 weeks is clearly not a problem.

I'm curious why you wouldn't have left your 17 year old for that length of time?

As most people don’t leave their 17 year olds at home whilst they go off on 2 week long holidays…? It’s hardly the norm - nothing wrong with it though

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2024 15:48

Wellingtonspie · 01/10/2024 15:37

I thought it was a typo for a second and that someone was leaving a 12 year old.

Show quote history

That would be concerning!

I don’t think I’d be leaving my nearly 16 year old for two weeks come next year (she’s ok overnight, although I’ve only done it once, and she had the option to go to her dad’s two streets away). I imagine that she’s cope even now, and be physically ok, but it just feels a bit unloving and unsupportive of a child to just leave them.

skyfalldown · 01/10/2024 15:49

No idea how old Y12 is so I thought you meant 12 year old!! 17 is university age so non-issue

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2024 15:49

Mischance · 01/10/2024 15:44

As a social worker - many years ago - I used to visit 16 year old girls who lived alone - and looked after their babies!

It probably wasn’t an exactly ideal situation though?

BarbadosItsCloserThanYouThink · 01/10/2024 15:53

In one more year they could be expected to go off to university and live independently. Two weeks alone could be good for them.

My sister was pregnant and living alone by that age, she coped.

Button28384738 · 01/10/2024 15:54

I think 2 weeks is quite a long time, but it's really up to the parents and depends how responsible the child is.
I'm assuming they will have sorted out emergency numbers and things like that

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 15:54

@TheBelleOfBelfastCity is the issue here not including the 17 year old in a family holiday, or them being on their own for the duration?

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 01/10/2024 15:55

17??

They can be responsible for a machine that can kill people at that age. I'm pretty sure they can manage to live alone for two weeks. If they can't, well, I can't help but judge the parenting a little because they really should be pretty much prepared for adult life.

I lived alone from 16, lots of people did. I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm talking bill-paying, budgeting, meal planning, properly living alone... 2 weeks in the parental home is nothing.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 01/10/2024 15:56

DD yes, no problem!
DS on the other hand...

It entirely depends on the child and relationship with parents.

YourLastNerve · 01/10/2024 15:56

I wouldnt describe a 17 yo as a "child".

EngineEngineNumber9 · 01/10/2024 15:58

My dad had to work in another country (4,500 miles away) for two years when I was 16/17. A few times my mum went out there for two weeks and left me at home as I couldn’t miss school due to exams etc. They let my two best friends come and live with me for the fortnight. It was fine.

TheBelleOfBelfastCity · 01/10/2024 15:58

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 15:54

@TheBelleOfBelfastCity is the issue here not including the 17 year old in a family holiday, or them being on their own for the duration?

My issue is neither, which I specifically reiterated - I was simply saying that it’s unusual both to not include a 17 year old in a family holiday, and to leave them home alone for two weeks.

muddyford · 01/10/2024 16:02

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 15:54

@TheBelleOfBelfastCity is the issue here not including the 17 year old in a family holiday, or them being on their own for the duration?

The parents are going for work, not holiday.

Wellingtonspie · 01/10/2024 16:03

I guess the harder part is how would you force a 17 year old to say board a flight with you that they do not wish to. No police or judge is going to force a near adult on a holiday/to holiday while parent works.

As long as it’s not a case of parents excluding them and it’s that they want to stay home it should be fine. Be a little worried if I raised a near adult that couldn’t be home alone for two weeks. Unless other factors like disabilities at play.

They could move to another country and buy a house and start a company at 18.

DiscoBeat · 01/10/2024 16:03

I think my DS16 almost 17 would manage and he's responsible and can cook and clean etc. But I still wouldn't go that far away and leave him for that long. It's not just him being alone but having to run the house as well and he's not ready for that imo.

SilenceInside · 01/10/2024 16:04

@TheBelleOfBelfastCity ok, no problem, I wasn't trying to be difficult, and I should have addressed my question to the OP.