Gut instinct/ bad vibes have you been right?

[Latenightthoughts1]

Am I reasonable to say always trust your gut instinct about a person or situation. I always had a bad “vibe” off my SIL, could not explain it. She acted ‘pleasant’ enough but I always got these passive aggressive vibes off her, that something was ‘off’. She always left me feeling extremely uncomfortable, questioning things and feeling on edge and I could never quite put my finger on it. Recently she has finally shown her true colours in the most vile and disgusting ways with her words and actions. I am really greatful that she has let the ‘mask drop’ but equally angry with myself that i did not distance myself sooner and felt that ‘bad vibes’ alone was not reason enough to do so. Anyone else have any similar stories?

Bump

I was at a bar with my friends for a girls night out and there was a very handsome guy opposite us. One of my friends dared me to talk to him but I had a very bad feeling about him and decided not to. It turns out he regularly spiked women's drinks and took them home without asking them.

I definitely think you can pick up on bad vibes and have a gut instinct that you should trust. Ss you say, if they are faking or havent yet done or said anything you cant quite see it or put your finger on it but can feel it.If you don't feel comfortable around someone there is a reason for it. Well at least the mask has dropped and you can see her for who she is and keep a distance

These threads are full of confirmation bias. People forget the times that their ‘gut instinct’ was completely wrong.

I mean, I can definitely tell you about times when I disliked or was made uneasy by someone on sight, and yes, they turned out to be awful. I can also tell you about the time I met two women on the first day of my postgraduate course, one of whom I liked immediately, the other of whom I found off-puttingly blunt and bossy. Guess which one turned out to be a snake, and which one I’m close friends with over 25 years later?

I disagree with the above posters. Gut instincts are you picking up on small clues.
My gut instinct has never been wrong in those circumstances and it's the same for many people I believe.

I think there is a difference between gut instinct and first impressions. Your example is about your first impression being wrong.

They very often go together

Then describe to me the difference?

Hm, its an interesting debate. My first impressions of my SIL was “she seems nice enough” BUT my gut instinct was “but why do I feel so uneasy?”

Gut instinct can be a fleeting inclination or your brain, possibly subconsciously, putting together a variety of inputs that cause you legitimate concern. The trick is to know when what you are feeling is worth using a guide, and to consider what is stopping you listen to your gut instinct.

Mostly I've regretted not following my gut when it was embarrassment or fear of rocking the boat that held me back. Perhaps I didn't want to be seen as the nag when nobody else had a problem with it, and gave in too soon. Then I was right and cross with myself.

I've had plenty of gut feelings that turned out to be wrong, and on examination, they were often pretty vague, or based on my own mood at the time.

I've got GREAT gut instincts when predicting what other drivers are likely to do on the road. It's not really gut though, but experience and pattern spotting.

I'm intrigued to know more about how your SIL let the mask slip OP. You could describe both my current SIL and ex SIL! Everyone thinks they are so nice and lovely but it's all on the surface. I thought it was just a personality clash and this is probably true of my ex-SIL but as time goes on hurtful things have done by both SIL and BIL and its excused away by other family members. They live in a different country so thankfully it's easy to distance myself.

Not sure your sil proves anything, really.

Apparently there are minute facial or bodily muscle movements that give us subconscious messages. Criminal experts sometimes watch footage of people being interviewed to see if they're lying etc. if you slow down facial movements you can detect tiny tells.

Not that surprising really, we evolved having to work out who is a threat within seconds or we'd be toast.

My gut instinct told me a job was going to be wrong for me. I chose to ignore it and it nearly had devastating consequences. I'll never ignore it again for this reason.

Not quite a gut instinct but perhaps more so a motherly instinct made me just know I was having a girl. Let's see if I'm right this time round...

Always trust your gut. It’s where your brain is interpreting information about the environment faster than you can consciously recognize it. It’s your brain processing subtle cues and patterns that youve noticed before, maybe subconsciously. We usually rely on our gut when contemplating risky behaviour (or people) and it’s often vital for keeping us safe.

There’s a book on this but can’t remember the title, which is excellent and I’ll edit and put it here when I think of it - though someone may come along with it in a moment.

This will be outing if my friend is on here. Once when I went to a protest years ago I ended up walking with this guy - 60s, friendly, but he made the hairs raise on the back of my neck. Anyway afterwards we ended up in a shopping centre cafe and I texted my friend under the table that I was nervous. She told me to get out of there asap. Half an hour later he went to the toilet and I ran.

Number of years later, saw his photo in newspaper convicted of multiple rapes.

I think I actually vomited.

I absolutely think you sometimes know.

Yes. When I was a child I found a neighbour deeply creepy. He had 3 kids a bit younger than me and a partner, on the face of it very normal and everyone just thought he was a nice, slightly buffoonish guy. He once asked me to go to the cinema with him and his kids. I had a visceral reaction which my mum told me off for being rude. I didn't go. Turns out he was a paedophile and thankfully ended up in prison.

For me - Gut instinct feels like “get away from this person, run!”
First Impressions is “they’re a bit of a prat” which may or may not turn out to be true when you get to know them, but you don’t feel fundamentally unsafe.

I’ve only had the Gut instinct thing twice, one a neighbour who’s in prison now, and a lorry driver who I only met for 2min once so no idea, but don't want to come across him again!

‘Gut instinct’ has nothing inherently to do with danger, though.

Gut instinct is very real. I am very very bad at listening to mine though as I always hope for the positive in people, jobs etc but ignoring it has led me into many situations I wish I hadn't ended up in, relationships I knew from the start were doomed, jobs with awful bosses.

I don't know if this counts as gut instinct as it wasn't mine but my dog's, and thankfully I listened. One night I was taking her a walk to the park near our home. I frequently took her to this park at all hours, where we lived wasn't particularly dangerous and the park was small and fairly open, although with a few dark, hidden corners. This night when I went to take her she refused to go in through the gate. Her heckles went up, I tried to coax her in but she was having none of it and started growling and dug her paws in refusing to go any closer to the park. It freaked me out a bit and so I turned back with her and we did a short walk around the streets then took her home. The next day a woman's body was found in the park, she had been murdered while out walking in the park. It's always stuck with me and I often think about that woman. I'm very glad I had my dog with me that night.

This is also how I feel. Like your ok seemingly, but why do I want to get away?? There is nothing outwardly that she did (until recently) that made a bad impression, it was just an energy of ick

Hasn’t it? Not a primal, animal sense that keeps us wary and safe?

Wow! How frightening! But how amazing was your dog, I often think animals are much more in tune with their instincts, so much so I would trust my dog before myself sometimes 😂 interestingly enough ny dog never liked my SIL either, but SIL doesn’t like dogs which is fine, so perhaps she was picking up on that.

Possibly not gut but definitely dug my heels in when my midwife was sending me home with the usual patronising comment of have a bath and paracetamol. I became very vocal. DS was born my emergency section within the hour.

No. It’s ‘gut’ because it’s not necessarily conscious, but you’re registering patterns, micro expressions, eye movement, body language etc — and doing it automatically. But it isn’t something that only kicks in when we’re in danger, you could equally be registering at some level that a new person is trustworthy/kind/genuine/ not an threat etc.

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell is about all the subconscious things we notice and decisions we make instantly.