To not book a smear test...

[JG24]

I know I am, I just need some help
Gave birth in may 2023 and I think I'm still affected
Every time I think of booking it or having it done I can't stop crying.
I've never been great with them and the last one made me cry mid test (I am a crier, especially when I feel vulnerable)
But it's definitely got worse after giving birth, I have a complete mental block and can't bring myself to just get it over and done with
For more context I've only had sex twice since then too, I have a low sex drive anyway but again the idea of sex just makes me panic a bit
Birth was fairly straight forward, induction and forceps and third degree tear but from reading it doesn't seem that unusual
Plus I had an epidural so pain was fairly minimal once that kicked in
Can someone wave a magic wand and sort me out please

Oh, OP - how horrid for you. It sounds very distressing, and you seem to have trauma after giving birth. It’s not unusual, but it sounds like you need a therapist to help you work through it. If you can afford to find a private therapist, I’d definitely try that, and if not then talk to your GP and ask for a referral. I really hope you can find some help and that things get better soon. 💐

Induction, forceps and a third degree tear definitely isn’t the norm. I’ve had the same in one of my deliveries and it’s a brutal recovery & emotionally damaging. You are not being in any way unreasonable to feel anxious. Not everyone can understand birth trauma. I’ve found people to be more sympathetic to C sections but my C section recovery was nothing compared to my vaginal births.
Im sorry you’ve had that experience.

You must have the smear though. You know that. Book it for as soon as is available so you don’t have too long to think about it and tell whoever is doing it how you feel. You definitely won’t be the first to be upset. Women have many reason for not liking them. Once it’s done that’s it for another three years and an obstacle overcome.
Good luck.

Can you take someone with you or ask the GP for a sedative? You risk cervical cancer so you might have to take the plunge.

Don't leave it. It will only get harder for you.

The nurses doing it have always been kind, IME, over several GP practices. My last one was my first post menopause and she said she would stop and book me in after some pessaries if it was too uncomfortable.

Can you do one of the at-home kits that test for HPV? If it's negative, then you don't need to worry about a smear for a few years. I totally get it though; I can't book one because of PTSD either.

Ring your doctor to discuss your fears ahead of time and see if there are accommodations they can make to help you

You need to get some therapy or go and talk to the nurse first. Lots of women feel this way.

You also need to ignore all the comments that are about to follow saying how it doesn't hurt and it's over in 2 minutes and it's not a big deal. Good for them. This is about how you feel about it.

Thank you all so much for being so lovely. I feel like some weight has lifted just by admitting this on here
I'll try and get in contact with them first to warn them I won't be in the best state,
Do I just ring the doctors? I'm not sure I could get through the phonecall without crying though

I get diazepam from gp to take when I get a smear. Takes the edge of the anxiety.

Not sure about the UK but here in Oz you can get a kit to do at home from the gp. I just did mine and it’s so much easier and less stressful than going to the nurse. If anything untoward shows up you still have to go for a ‘proper’ smear but otherwise you’re good for another few years 👍🏻

I just had mine last week and the nurse said that sometimes she has had a patient come back 3 times before conquering their fear. They are used to working with women who may have trauma or anxiety and will be gentle and accommodating if you speak to them about your fears. Don't worry if you get there and then can't go through with it. One step at a time xx

I've been avoiding mine too. But I have booked it in (7 months after due) and I go on the 14th to - as I like to think of it - be poked and scraped and be undignified. I am scared but its better than cancer and death.

My mum suggested to me if I was scared to go GP why not see if a sexual health clinic would do it instead... gynos deal with swabbing vaginas every single day and will be more experienced and gentle is what she said. In the GP I doubt they do it as much. I still opted for GP app in the end and the appointment I have is with a lovely NA that my mum has seen so she ssid I would be right.

I used catastrophising the worst if I didn't do it to help me book it in, not great but it will get me there. See if you can be prescribed something to chill you out (not sure if its an option)

Maybe some counselling might help as the common panic is surrounding your privates in general

I wouldn't rely on the at-home tests as there's no guarantee you're testing properly.

Go. I didn't book mine over lockdown and ended up being years overdue - my anxiety waiting for the results was horrendous but everything was fine.

You can ask the nurse for a sedative and take someone with you if you want.

I avoided a test for ten years as I found them so hard. In that period I'd had a forceps birth with fourth degree tear and a c section which added to my trauma. But I'd lie awake every night worried about it.

In the end I booked one and told the nurse I was terrified. She was amazing. She broke it down into three steps: inserted the speculum and then waited a while for me to adjust. Then opened it and waited again. Then took the sample. I used my hypnobirthing techniques (never worked in labour but did here!) to stay calm.

Other tips: I wore a short dress which I could have over my hips, it just made me feel so much less exposed and vulnerable. I also took my baby with me. I kind of had to, but looking at her and knowing I was doing this to put my health first for my kids and also wanting to set an example so when it comes to her having them she's not scared really helped. Also the threat of a baby that might lose their shit any second really helps focus the mind!

Good luck, OP. It's hard, but you can do it.

In case anyone else comes across this and needs reassurance thought I'd update...finally went to the appointment today, was fine until the nurse asked whether the last smear went ok or if they struggled to find my cervix...I burst into tears and said the last one was awful and I'd been dreading this one
She was great, she reassured me and was so gentle and quick. She had to get a longer speculum as she did struggle to find my cervix but in spite of that I still genuinely barely felt a thing. When I asked why it was so different to last time she said it really depends on who is doing it. So it might help someone else to know if it hurt you last time it might not next time
Appreciate this doesn't address my trauma around giving birth but I have been looking for a therapist so hopefully I'll start dealing with that in the new year too

That's really helpful OP. It's good to read positive stories. I hope you can get some help for your birth trauma.

Massive well done OP. Glad it went well and was a more positive experience for you

This sounds similar to me. Get referred to a hospital gynaecologist and ask them to refer you to physio/therapy. I saw a lovely therapist on the NHS and she helped me loads, getting intimate again with my husband, helping me strengthen my pelvic floor and just generally feeling myself again after the birth of my second child. Would recommend.

Please give yourself some credit. I'm sorry but your experience is not a straight forward birth. An induction alone is already tough on your body but forceps too is hard and recovering from a 3rd degre tear makes it all even rougher. We're led to believe intervention is normal so we're confused when we don't feel OK afterwards. Very little is spoken about the effects of intervention almost like it's taboo.

I didn't have a good experience at all having my first baby and it took me a few years to figure out I had PTSD. I didn’t feel like my body belonged to me I think as I was violated, so I had to get my head around that too. After therapy I went on to have my other children at home because I struggle to trust healthcare providers. Which is also why I've opted out of smear test invites and I will never have one.
Hope your therapy goes well.

They have changed the test it's alot less painful and much quicker

I understand the fear. But for the love of God get it done.

My sister died age 35 leaving and 18 yo, 9 yo and 7 yo without their mum from cervical cancer because she was too scared to get a smear.

Had she tucked it up and gone through 10 minutes of embarrassment and 60 seconds of mild discomfort she would be alive and my niece and nephews would still have their mum.

If at all you feel you want to talk about your birth and why things were done your hospital should offer a debriefing service to discuss your questions with a midwife and they can go over your labour notes with you.

Please please go. Honestly explain and they will be so kind with you. If I can make one person not have to go through what I did it us worth it. I didn't go, health anxiety, scared etc. Started with some odd symptoms and to cut a long story short I was diagnosed with stage2b cervical cancer, 38 years old with an 8 year old daughter and 3 quarters of the way through teacher training. Resulted in radiotherapy with chemo and brachytherapy. 5 years of being poked and proved every few months and was finally given the 5 year all clear in September. This could of all been prevented and or caught so much sooner if I had gone. I'm not saying this to scare anyone but my biggest regret is why didn't I go. I would not wish it on anyone having to sit an 8 year old down to say mummy might die.

Hello. Not sure if this was aimed at me but I posted an update to say I've now been. But just wanted to explain that if it was mild embarrassed and discomfort I was worried about it wouldn't have stopped me. It was paralysing fear and panic.

Guilt tripping women into having a screening test is not on. They make their choice based on their experience. You do what you want to do and they'll do what they want to do. Fear that causes panic attacks due to SA, trauma or similar is absolutely not the same as being a bit worried or embarrassed about it. Such an insult. Back off.