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Original poster

How many play dates does your 5 year old have?

16 replies

ICantStopEatingg1 · 30/09/2024 20:58

I’m feeling really guilty and upset regarding my 5 year old DS. I feel he never has a play date as I never make the time or effort. He’s in year 1 so nearly 6 years old. He’s the youngest and for his older sister I had many play dates but now I’m exhausted.

I don’t know how to get started. I tried during the Summer break to arrange some but everyone was busy. I can sense that most people in his class are not open to new friendships so it has to be me making the effort as they will never reach out. I got in touch with 6 different people last year and lovely play dates but if I don’t arrange no one else will get in touch. I moved to this area when I got married and most people grew up around this area and went to same schools so everyone know everyone and you can tell they don’t have room for new people.

I’ve taken him to clubs and activities but same issues.

Can someone please advise me how I can get over this guilt and how I can actually do something rather than making excuses.

I think I am ND as I get stressed very easily. In summer I did invite one friend over our home but mother made remarks about how I should get a cleaner (little does she know I spent 2 whole days cleaning prior to her arrival) and my eldest kept getting involved and spoiling the play date for my son. I’m really lost. Thank you for listening to my rambling if you got this far!

OP posts:
LegoHouse274 · 30/09/2024 21:03

My eldest is 6 and in year 1 and has never had a play date with anyone from school yet! I'm not remotely bothered and neither is she. She's happy at school and has plenty of friends. I think you just need to relax.

Clumsy12345 · 30/09/2024 21:06

mine is 7 and had no play dates, she’s never been invited to any either

Original poster
ICantStopEatingg1 · 30/09/2024 21:06

@LegoHouse274 thank you. I just don’t know what the “normal” is. I had a very dysfunctional childhood with lots of abuse and neglect so I really don’t know what others do as have no family I can ask regarding plsydates. Does your child ask for playdates? I don’t think mine does it’s more I ask him!

OP posts:
Original poster
ICantStopEatingg1 · 30/09/2024 21:31

it just feels like everyone in his class is having play dates. I even heard a couple of sleepovers mentioned at the school gate but maybe they are family members as that’s too young! My eldest hasn’t even asked for a sleep over yet.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 30/09/2024 21:37

I wouldn't even think about sleepovers until they are 10. I live in a similar place where everyone knows or is related to everyone else and many classmates are cousins or in some cases Aunts/Uncles and Nephews/Nieces..

You need to get your face known if you can, people don't like sending their children to unknown adults homes, help at the PTa type events or chat to parents at the school run.

Get DC involved with recreational groups like cubs so he has time with young people outside of school. DD had playdates with the few classmates whose parents I already knew and we did them on the weekend as I was at work and didn't do the school run. DD is nearing her end of high school and has had the same best friend since she was 5.

Original poster
ICantStopEatingg1 · 30/09/2024 21:55

Cubs sounds good, didn’t even remember that. Any other ideas in activities to do with him? He hates football type things where someone might bump into him

OP posts:
LegoHouse274 · 30/09/2024 22:14

@ICantStopEatingg1 yeah, she does occasionally ask if so and so can come to our house. But we are so busy that I usually just never get around to organising it and she's not bothered! Like you I did actually try to arrange I think two over the summer hols and one parent was abroad at the time and another parent just didn't respond, but I think they may have also been abroad (as I know they were planning to be at some point). It wasn't a big deal. She has a younger sibling, and another one to be born imminently so I can't see us hosting any play dates with school kids this side of Xmas now at the very least tbh. She gets loads of birthday party invites and keeping up with those are bad enough! She's been to one last weekend and has another this weekend, although that's not from a school friend (old nursery friend that we have kept in touch with).

LegoHouse274 · 30/09/2024 22:15

In terms of clubs, mine does a swimming lesson every week, and a performing arts class every week during term-time.

Alittlebitwary · 30/09/2024 22:18

My 5 yo has never had a school play date! Gets invited to birthday parties etc and has plenty of friends at school. I've never tried to arrange one, but I will do if she asks me to. So far she's not asked for any play dates so that suits me! I would go with your son's lead rather than initiate things on his behalf. I don't know any of the other parents because I don't do many drop offs and there's always groups that already know one another. But they're perfectly friendly when I do talk to them - try not to worry so much!

Suzuki70 · 30/09/2024 22:23

We tried a few in reception with 3 different lads and they were all awful (one due to an older brother interfering as you describe and winding his younger brother up) so we mutually gave up. By 4pm they were tired and cranky and tended to fall out. It might come more naturally when they're a little older.

Mintearo7 · 30/09/2024 22:36

My ds is fairly popular at school but I’ve found play dates so hard to organise! Everyone is busy. He’s closer to one kid than the others so I do organise with the parents but it still ends up being every 4-5 months! He’s in year 2 now and tbh, I don’t think about organising others but will oblige if he gets an invite from someone else. Don’t get the impression everyone is having play dates all the time, they definitely aren’t in our class. Parties, clubs, family time, sibling activities take priority.

Noseybookworm · 30/09/2024 22:59

My children are grown up now but we never had playdates (is that an americanism?) They would sometimes ask if a friend could come for tea so I would ask the mum, pick them up from school and bring them back home, they would play, have tea and then mum would pick them up 6/6.30ish! Is that a playdate? I had 5 kids so would generally have other kids for tea a couple of times a week.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2024 23:07

Dd7 - we do play dates - we have maybe 4/5 good friends that we see in rotation

Prob one maybe every other week - either her to theirs or they come to us

Many parents esp working ones find after school stressful or don't pick up

Maybe suggest a weekend one

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2024 23:08

And yes was doing them in yr 1. Less in Reception as mums came as well and tbh as much as I love their parents I don't want to entertain them for 2/3hrs while kids play nicely

But k do say come 20m before and have a cuppa but if kids are playing nicely I can get on with stuff at home as well

Sologurn · 01/10/2024 20:39

Once every few months. Lots with our friends and their kids but more infrequently with his best friend at school

Sologurn · 01/10/2024 20:40

Noseybookworm · 30/09/2024 22:59

My children are grown up now but we never had playdates (is that an americanism?) They would sometimes ask if a friend could come for tea so I would ask the mum, pick them up from school and bring them back home, they would play, have tea and then mum would pick them up 6/6.30ish! Is that a playdate? I had 5 kids so would generally have other kids for tea a couple of times a week.

That's a play date

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