To be upset friend stopped texting

[spanieleyes22]

So I have a friend for many years and we live in different counties now. I would visit about once a year. Ur we texted nearly every day definitely every 2nd day. Just everyday stuff what was happening etc. but for the last 2.5 weeks she's gone silent. I don't know if it was something I said or did she hasn't said anything. The last txt was one I sent in a sun afternoon. She didn't reply and I left it until the Thurs when I sent a short txt just saying hope everything is ok? And she replied straight away and we had a convo on txt. Then nothing for about a week and eventually I txt her and said hi how r u. And she said she was fine. Then she said she had been busy but there was nothing she said that wasn't normal for her iukwim. Def feel like something is wrong. Altogether I've reached out 3 times so I think I will just leave her alone now. Am just feeling really sad it's left a great big gap in my life. Most days we would have a txt catch up. Sometimes just a couple of txt sometimes a longer chat . I don't think I've been needy or I've been racking my brains have I said anything to upset her. Am just really down about it. We been friends for many years I will be v sad if it's "over"

Thanks for getting it @NippyCrab I've been thinking I'm going mad in the head . It was just the way she said "I'm fine and you" it's just different to the way we usually converse . There is something up. Not sure if it's me but the fact she hasn't said anything makes me think it must be

I too would find it too much but that's not the point, the point is the sudden change. The friend has been the initiator of every day chats for years and talked differently to the OP. Either something stressful is going on in her life or it's something you said. You've tried to contact so I would leave her to come to you now.

But there’s no reason to think it’s anything at all to do with you! If something is going on that is preoccupying her, she is choosing not to share it for now (and I’m not sure I’d blame her. Text messages aren’t the most obvious method of communicating anything complicated or difficult). Stop making this all about you, and step back a bit. Concentrate more on other friendships for a while. There’s absolutely no need to catastrophise, lose sleep or cry in your car because a friend is texting less.

It is strange that she's lengthened the time between messages

I think the problem is, you're texting 'hi how are you?' when you really want to say 'hi. we're not texting nearly as much as we used to and you haven't given me any indication that you're busier than normal. have I upset you? I'd really like to sort this out'

For me I couldn't abide having a friendship which involved everyday contact. But you're not me

Also. I do think the emotions you are investing in this essentially text based friendship are quite odd and ott. A bit cloying.

It seems more of an acquaintanceship than a friendship to me

So you’ve contacted her and each time she’s replied? Where’s the problem? You said she usually texts you first and it’s either everyday, every other day or every third day and you’re annoyed because you had to message her on day 4. Maybe she is fed up of being the one instigating the chats, I don’t think it’s that I just think like she has told you she has been busy. She’s not the one coming across as self centred in this situation. I think you need to just relax a little because you are coming across as needy, people do get busy with life and yes it only takes 10secs to send a text but it’s not always a priority depending what’s happening that day

I find your reactions to this (losing sleep, crying in the car) to be rather extreme.

Texting several times a day every day for years is a lot. I'd personally run out of rubbish to tattle on about, and there's only so much nothing many of us really want to talk.

I get that the sudden change is disconcerting though.

If she's a good friend I'd ring her and ask her if anything is wrong.

You automatically assume it's about you or she's self centred but you really don't know

OP, is there any reason why you both don't just actually chat with each other every now and again, rather than the constant texting?
You could say much more with occasional chats than you can by messaging, especially as people read all sorts into texts, but by speaking you'll know for sure if your friendship is cooling down.

Yes I don't know why we don't phone. Probably dates back to when our kids were small and it was hard to have an uninterrupted convo I'm not sure.

So she text me today like nothing happened. I haven't replied yet though. I feel like I don't trust her that something has "broken". I'm realizing that my last txt was when I was dropping dd off at uni. Am a single parent and she knows that I miss dd when she goes to uni especially that first week or so after dropping her back. I don't go on about it though. I'm not like that esp in text I'm mostly bright and breezy but it's just occurred to me now that my last txt was on a sun afternoon when I was with dd helping her settle in. I didn't say anything about how I was feeling just that it was tricky getting all the stuff inside as it was lashing rain! That's when she went silent for nearly 2 weeks apart from saying she was fine - twice - and then busy. It was also dds 21st birthday a week after that and yes I was a bit sad that I wasn't with her. I am wondering now if she just didn't want to talk or listen about any of that and decided to txt me as normal today when all that is over. Can't help thinking she is just a fair weather friend. Which is fine I'm glad I know now. Just that she never asked did I get back on - long car journey in my own- or how was dds birthday or actually a single thing about dropping her off or anything related. Can't help thinking it's a bit weird. Anyway am glad she texted but am wary. I know u will prob all tell me I'm over thinking everything though!!!

So another week has gone by and nothing. I've messaged her 3 times altogether and each time she's responded usually straight away. But I don't feel like texting her again I'd like her to txt me . Am getting used to not having her in my life every day but it's been hard. Just wish she would say the truth . I can take it! Cos I'm left wondering is it me, did I say something or is it her or something else I don't know. Anyway just a little update. I'm literally sitting on my hands I would love to txt her now 🙈

So friend texted at weekend I notice she's started giving me weather reports 🙈I miss our chats so much but can't see how it will ever be the same now

Did you ever find out what happened? I’m in a similar situation and my friend has vanished for the second time recently. I don’t mind if she wants to duck out but would really appreciate her popping up and saying she’s okay as I’m a bit worried hence searching mumsnet for ideas. It’s a bit unnerving.