Pointless term time working with a tween/ teen

[wouldyouratherdo]

My DD is in year 4 - I've worked term time only since she was in reception, I work from home 4 days a week and I work 30 hours a week so she doesn't have to use wrap around care (she has high functioning autism and didn't enjoy clubs at her infant school).

She is getting to the age where she'd rather hang around herself pottering doing crafts than going out on activities with me. I'm wondering if it's time to go back to full time work so 6 weeks holiday rather than 13. It would bring me an extra £500 which would be useful.
I'd still only work 30 hours and am planning to keep collecting her at 4pm even when she is in secondary.

It just seems sad that a 9 year old would rather watch tv or do crafts than spend time with her mother - but I've felt this for the last few months and wonder if the extra money would benefit her more than me being around - I'm a lone parent so it's only my income we rely on.

@RaspberryRipple2 - this is a really helpful suggestion, thank you

It just seems sad that a 9 year old would rather watch tv or do crafts than spend time with her mother

Do not put this codependency on her, everyone needs their own space.

My daughter is neurodiverse and started high school this year and it's been a rollercoaster. Sounds like you have the ideal setup but the extra academic pressures alongside the social stuff has been a lot. She's needed me more this year than for the last several years put together and I work full time so it's a 'lot' of texts. It sounds like you have a great setup and she has options so I'd try it and then you can always go back if it's not working. Lowering what stress you can on yourself is important too.

@PurpleThistle7 - thank you so much for also considering the stress on me..

@Completelyjo - thanks for your perspective. My sister who is autistic (I am not) would say the same thing - maybe my daughter just needs her independence? And her own space..

@wouldyouratherdo I often think it's just as painful, if not more so, for us parents. I also recognise that DD doesn't need or want as much social contact as I do. However, she does definitely need some and I just hope that going forward she maintains friendships enough to fulfill this in whatever way works best for her, be it online or in person. I do think shared interests are key to this. Maybe your DD can connect with others through something she's into or enjoys.

@SpookySpoon22 - thank you for your suggestions. When she has play dates (always here) they will bond over a shared interest in making slime or watching certain tv shows. If she was neurotypical I wouldn't let a 9 year old watch tv on a play date but over the last year I've recognised it's a low social stress way to be with friends (otherwise there are arguments shout friends using up all of DD's art supplies- which I'm sympathetic to as "friends " don't invite her to their houses to use their supplies..)
So sometimes I think watching tv is a good bonding thing and I definitely prefer that to Minecraft/ read bloc where she might come into contact with strangers online

@SpookySpoon22 - I am very extraverted abd need a lot of social so it's been a massive adjustment to realise DD doesn't need so much . She longs for the company of certain best friends but would definitely rather be alone than with most people- she's very selective- at her age I wasn't

It sounds like you're doing all the right things and I can tell how much you care about your DD. It's definitely a case of us adjusting our expectations and thinking outside of box when it comes to parenting our ND kids that's for sure! Good luck sorting your job hours if you decide to increase them. It's hard trying to balance having enough money with having enough time but it sounds like you're in a great position to try things out.

@SpookySpoon22 - thanks for the support

@wouldyouratherdo you're very welcome! x