To give up on this friendship group

[DinniSpider]

I can’t quite work it out! So we are three couples with children. The children all get on brilliantly together. We’ve known each other about 15/20 years.

I’d say the other two couples get on particularly well together.

We tend to take turns organising things, but over the past few years the events I organise I either : get no response, people can’t make it - or if they can, the adults tend to look a bit fed up or bored. The children enjoy it, but the adults not so much.

Maybe I’m not a good host - I do make an effort. And if I’m a guest, I always try to join in and have fun.

I think it’s particularly noticeable if I try and organise something for my children’s birthday. It seems - even if I give a date in advance, people are busy.

However if the other two couple organise an event, responses are enthusiastic and immediate.

I just feel deflated and to stop bothering? Or am I being over sensitive?

People being rude in someone else's home gives me the absolute rage. If someone's invited you over the least you can do is be friendly, smile, say nice things etc, even if you're bloody shattered that morning or really not feeling up to it or whatever.

Those who grudgingly show up as if they're doing you a massive favour just giving you their presence can fuck right off, regardless of the reasons its ALWAYS unnecessary and rude. I'd back right off, let them do the organising from here.

Could you pinpoint anything that you do differently hosting-wise? It doesn't sound quite as simple as them trying to freeze you out so could it be the food etc?! Do you cook noticeably healthier/ less healthier/ spicier/ with more dairy in desserts? Probably clutching at straws but if you've noticed it most when they are at yours it could be something that seems trivial, like your house smells of dog, but that makes the offer less appealing to them.

OK, so they won't eat your food and won't come to your home?

Do you have dogs? Cats? How clean is your kitchen? Any previous incidents in the home to put them off your standards of cleanliness?

Are you a non-handwasher? Even once being seen not to have washed your hands on leaving the loo and now they don't trust you?

Is it hard to get to your home?

I've seen dynamics like this in 'couples with kids' groups and there are only 3 possible things

1. your kid annoys them
2. your DH annoys them
3. you annoy them.

I agree with PPs, just let it go a bit or just organise drop off things for the kids. It's really hard not to get obsessed with what the issue is. If you are close enough to one person you could ask, but it might not be the answer you want.

I suggest binning the children and inviting a few different friends. It may well be that the evening has just become predictable and a bit dull.