Seeing Dad for Christmas

[BruFord]

I’m having a dilemma about asking my DH and teenagers (19 &16) to visit my Dad for Christmas.

Quick backstory. We moved to the US (DH’s home country) from the UK several years ago. My Dad (86) was married to my lovely SM who sadly passed away three years ago. Since then, he’s moved into a wonderful retirement community as he couldn’t mange alone in the house due to his poor mobility. We visit regularly and are all close.

He has plans for Christmas Day, but we haven’t spent Christmas together for a while and my heart is telling me to say bugger the expense and go over for a week. It’ll cost us with four airfares and an Airbnb. Plus my teenagers might grumble about travelling, even though they love their Grandpa.

Should I raise the possibility? I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, perhaps it’s his age and the fear that he may not be here for many more Christmas’s. WWYD?

If he’s already got plans for Christmas Day, what would you and your family be doing? Is there really any point in dragging unwilling teens for a week when you won’t even see your father on Christmas Day? I would think better to go sometime next year when you can book flights further in advance, and go for longer than a week.

As someone with an elderly father in another country, I totally get it. But if he's got plans, I'd sugget that if you want to do a spontaneous visit, do it for new year, or at a slighrtly different time. We're very conscious that Dad can get lonely so it's more important for us to fill in the times he DOESN'T have people to hang out with.

@sesquipedalian Oh, we could go with him on Christmas Day, that wouldn’t be an issue. I suppose that I just want to spend Christmas with him, take him to church on Christmas Eve and make a fuss of him, iyswim. He’s going on a mini break the weekend before Christmas, but doesn’t have much going on the rest of the Christmas period.

I would try to convince them to go I think, provided your Dad would actually want that? If the worst happens before next Christmas then it will be a comfort to know you spent this one with him, even if that's Boxing Day to New Year rather than the day itself. Also Christmas in the UK can be lovely!

I think I’ll talk it over with them, I’m certainly not going to force anyone to travel.

I would be wanting to do the same in your shoes, absolutely have a word and if it comes to it maybe go by yourself if necessary?

@TomatoSandwiches Yes, going alone is also in the back of my mind. I don’t know why I’ve got this urge to go, it might be because of my Dad’s cousins (similar age) died suddenly this year.

I'd be tempted to go but perhaps play around with the dates and travel alone- that way you get even more quality 121?

Check if there is a date that's significantly cheaper!!

I would speak to your family. I am in the same country as my mum who is in a home, but even though she has other people I still want to spend Christmas with her even though my husband would rather not for once.

I don't know how many more there will be but I know I would feel that I had missed out if we missed the last one or last few. I appreciate you have rather further to go.

Quick update. My Dad's doing well and really doesn't want us to visit at Christmas, he's fine, so I'm booking tickets for March instead as my DS has time off school then. It's a long time to wait, but getting something on the calendar makes me feel better and we'll see him again in the summer.

I think I might insist on the next Christmas though :-).