Dh refuses leave our joint tenancy

[annaistired]

It is a housing association house and we are both joint tenants who were married at the time we were given an assured tenancy.
We have 3 children and I am disabled so dh supports us financially and I'm the main carer of the children.
He is bad tempered and abusive although not physically violent he's a horrible man to live with. He's a misogynist who shouts at me and our daughter but not our sons.
I have tried everything to make him happy but it doesn't work.
Everything has to be his way or he kicks off and he treats me like one of the children.
I have asked him to leave and he says no, his name is on the tenancy and he'll never move out.

I can't move out because I have nowhere to go and I couldn't leave my children, especially with him.
His response to this is well you're stuck with me then because I'm not going anywhere.
I don't have the means to move out or I'll be homeless and at the moment I have a secure home which is for life but the only catch is, so does he and neither of us can ask the other to leave.
I feel completely trapped because I need my home but he makes homelife so unpleasant.
I feel like I'm just trying to get through this life but I am so so lucky to have a home and that security but I only have that if we stay together.
Is anyone else trapped in a marriage like this?

You need legal advice. Initiate the divorce process and do what the solicitor recommends.

You need to see a solicitor.

Get legal advice, I was in a similar position and it was written into the consent order that the tenancy was to be transferred into my name solely as I had full time care of the children.

Citizens Advice may be able to help.

Does the house have any adjustments to accommodate your disability?

I'd go to citizens advice or the job centre . I'm sure you aren't the first person to be in this position and I'm sure he will have to leave as you care for the children .

I can't afford a solicitor but we do have a citizens advice near by.

You'll need to contact them on line or phone them for an appointment. I don't think you can just turn up - or if you do they will still need to make you an appointment unless it's an emergency. At least this is how it works for us (I volunteer for them), but other areas may be different. I'd phone first anyway, save yourself a possible wasted journey.

Is he financially abusive too? Do you have access to any money at all?

As others have said you need some legal advice as ideally in a divorce you would be given the house as you are disabled and the main carer for the children. This link might help. www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/getting-help-and-advice/divorce-and-separation-advice/legal-aid-and-other-help-if-you-cant-afford-divorce-or-separation-fees

Shelter give advice to housing association tenants. I believe it's free to speak to them and get advice. I also think that you can end the tenancy and have him removed (at least you can, I think! if you end the tenancy, then it ends for everyone but the HA could keep you on) Please do speak to Shelter to get the correct legal advice.

He's a joker isn't he, If you don't work, you are disabled and have 3 children you should be able to get a legal aid solicitor to protect you from abuse and make him move out.
Go to citizens advice, they will help you.

Defo citizens advice shelter or the housing authority.

Are you prepared to leave this horrible man because that's the way to go. He won't get any better. His ways will rub off on your children. You need him out. You can do this. Don't give up.

We both have access to the money, I do all the bills and household admin so I know what we have.

If that didn't make sense he earns it and I organise what's to be paid and when etc and keep on top of the outgoings.

Usually, if one person ends a joint tenancy it ends for both of you. However, most housing associations have a policy/ procedure for dealing with situations of domestic violence/ relationship breakdown - you need to contact your housing/ tenancy officer and find out what yours does in these cases. If you make it clear that you are being abused and plan to end the relationship, they should find a way to grant you a sole tenancy instead.

I would also talk to Women's Aid. Keep notes of all instances of his abuse towards you. If there are any written messages that are abusive screenshot those as evidence.

Seconding contacting women's aid. Abuse isn't always physical. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/

Yes I went to a solicitor. He said there was nothing he could do. So I went to a female solicitor listed the abuse. She agreed to take my case on.

3 weeks later my solicitor phoned me and advised papers were being served on my xh and he might be angry so I moved out for the night. I moved in with my parents until xh found somewhere to let which was under a week.

I got legal aid it didn't cost a penny.

Get yourself a sympathetic solicitor

It was called an interim interdict (I'm in Scotland)