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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about socialising…

7 replies

Backtoblack87 · 30/09/2024 10:37

Ok so we have met some new friends.. their daughter has just started at my sons school, we’ve seen each other at a couple of school events and they’ve invited us over for lunch this weekend with the kids. I am really crap with etiquette, knowing what to take etc. We have another set of friends we met in a similar circumstance and when we go over we drink excessively as they love champagne and seem to handle their drink well, and it always feels a bit too much so I want to start this new friendship with a fresh start!

When we last saw them they mentioned food maybe a BBQ weather permitting and nice wine etc.

Now with this previous friendship group I end up taking wine/champagne and drinking a lot, being far to drunk and regretting it the next day… plus it’s a play date for kids too so it seems wrong!!

I am quite insecure and tend to worry what others think of me and really want to fit in but also not lose myself. I realised when we last saw other friends, we are quite different and although we share a lot of interests, she’s very much in to politics whereas I know nothing about this and it made me feel a bit stupid, not that she expected me to know! As I said they like nice food, champagne and have a lovely house. New friends also have a lovely house, bigger than ours and I know it isn’t about that at all but I don’t know, I just want to make a good impression!!

So can you help me.. My plan is to take nice wine that I like, some flowers and maybe some sweets for the kids. I plan to make sure I’ve eaten breakfast that morning and don’t overdo it on the wine! I mean a glass or two is normal right?! I mean I feel stupid even asking these questions but I am not from a family who host parties and my parents never had people round so I feel like I don’t know what I am doing but I want to learn! I even struggle with conversational topics as don’t want to seem boring but also don’t want to over share/sound like I’m prying!!

Any advice welcome!!

OP posts:
Mill3nnial · 30/09/2024 10:40

Taking wine, flowers and sweets sounds lovely and can you not just follow their lead in terms of wine? I'd be surprised if they would drink heavily at lunchtime when you all have your children there!

Whatafustercluck · 30/09/2024 10:48

I don't think your champagne friends' approach is in any way normal tbh. But then I don't move in those circles, so maybe it's very normal in that context!

A glass of wine with lunch feels about right. If it was an evening do, a few more glasses when the children are in bed, perhaps. But I don't think heavy drinking at lunchtime in charge of the kids is normal. Or desirable. And I say this as someone who likes a drink.

Backtoblack87 · 30/09/2024 10:52

Whatafustercluck · 30/09/2024 10:48

I don't think your champagne friends' approach is in any way normal tbh. But then I don't move in those circles, so maybe it's very normal in that context!

A glass of wine with lunch feels about right. If it was an evening do, a few more glasses when the children are in bed, perhaps. But I don't think heavy drinking at lunchtime in charge of the kids is normal. Or desirable. And I say this as someone who likes a drink.

I’m glad you say that!! I mean we have been friends probably 18 months and seen them about 8 times like this and it’s always the same at ours or theirs but feels weird! Kids are fine and we aren’t like falling over drunk… kids are entertained, checked on etc and have a lovely time but I just feel wrong about it!

We don't usually mix in these circles either and new friends seem more like us I hope!!

OP posts:
weightedblanketpls · 30/09/2024 10:56

You are allowed to say no to another drink! Maybe take some wine and a nice soft drink toolike sparkling kombucha or something and switch across after the first glass of wine.

Hangingintherejust · 30/09/2024 11:00

I tend to ask if there's anything we could bring and suggest maybe a salad, something for the BBQ or pudding. If they say nothing, then I would still take wine, flowers/chocolates as a thank you for hosting. I am someone whose family didn't host all that often and so I can totally sympathise. It got easier after a few times.
Try not to let other experiences trip you up as I don't think this is normal. If you've had enough, you absolutely shouldn't be made to feel you need to carry on. It's become a joke (in a totally nice way) with some friends that I will ask for a cup of tea after a couple of glasses of wine.

Backtoblack87 · 30/09/2024 11:02

Hangingintherejust · 30/09/2024 11:00

I tend to ask if there's anything we could bring and suggest maybe a salad, something for the BBQ or pudding. If they say nothing, then I would still take wine, flowers/chocolates as a thank you for hosting. I am someone whose family didn't host all that often and so I can totally sympathise. It got easier after a few times.
Try not to let other experiences trip you up as I don't think this is normal. If you've had enough, you absolutely shouldn't be made to feel you need to carry on. It's become a joke (in a totally nice way) with some friends that I will ask for a cup of tea after a couple of glasses of wine.

Oh I love this!! I mean I’d rather it be a joke that I ask for a cup of tea than be sick or something! I’ll definitely ask what we can bring.. thanks! ☺️

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 30/09/2024 11:19

Another tip - ask for a glass of water as well as the wine. Just say you are thirsty. Drink some of it. Then drink some wine, then some water. Keep topping up your water glass. It will slow down your wine intake and keep you hydrated but you’ll still be joining in with the booze.

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