Are you envious of high achievers from school?

[Pureshores499]

When you hear about others you went to school with, their achievements, how successful they are etc, do you ever feel like you underachieved and haven't done much with your life?

I'm happy for them! But some were just very Joe average at school, yet have clearly applied themselves and are now living mostly in London, with fabulous jobs, speaking multiple languages, instagram full of them doing speeches at functions. They seem well travelled, glamorous. ..meanwhile I'm still living in my home town doing an average admin job. Obviously this is my own doing, but I'm almost 50 so it's feeling like a time of reflection, wondering where my younger life went, if I should have 'done more'. I have a lovely home and marriage, good friends etc, but there is a level of envy in those who 'got away' and lived a more full life. If I met these old school classmates irl I'd be embarrassed with my run of the mill life.
Am I having a midlife crisis? 😂

@Chenanceau I feel similarly, some people just seem lucky to end up in an easier life I guess? I’m working full time with a 1 year old, can barely afford bills let alone a holiday.

Yes a little bit envious, especially of those who became doctors/consultants. There were about a 15 girls in my year who did become doctors. I would have loved to have gone into medicine, but I wasn't clever enough.
I ended up being very average, with very average earnings. That said I am very happy in my life. But sometimes I do wish I had been born with a STEM brain rather than languages brain. I can go to 4 countries in Europe and indulge in idle chit chat with the locals. Woopdidoo!

Apart from my friends, I don't have the first clue what most of them are doing. In fact the only news I tend to get to hear is when someone has died. Which is quite effective in making my own mediocre contribution to the world, modest achievements and continuing excellent health seem like I'm doing pretty well.

No not at all. Those high flying careers usually come with a ton of stress. Some people can 'do well' outside of the academic world and many are more than happy to live a simpler life without all that stuff. As for living in London, personally I couldn't think of anything worse!

Hi 👋🏼 another high achiever here.

I have calmed down a bit now, but I’m the ‘straight As (before A stars), degree, City job’ poster child. It was an interesting life to live, but I had no freedom or free time and it was stressful as all hell.

I learnt a few things - including that I’m a homebody and don’t really want to travel further than Europe! I don’t like working all the time. I like to be active rather than stuck at my desk. And I wish I’d spent more time on creative stuff.

But I was canny with the money (didn’t waste it) so now I get to live in a big house with land while doing a less stressful job 9-5. I’m still fighting to get free time, but that’s because I let the kids do too many activities.

I still sometimes wonder if I should have done it all differently. I think everyone does. But in reality, until you’re dead, it’s never too later to change things up a bit.

All the kids in the private school I went to (full AP) were straight A students in every single subject. So it wouldn't be surprising that they were all a success. I was strictly B grade. I moved to a comp at 14.
But I hated school anyway and left at 16 so I can hardly sit there moaning that a lot of my peers went to Oxbridge while I was standing in the dole queue. Lol.

How it appears on SM is rarely how it is in real life. You don't know if they are regularly leaving work at 1am to be back in at 7am. Spending hours on trains and planes to get to the functions they are giving speeches at. Strained relationships because they are never home. Alternatively, they might be very happy and loving life- this doesn't mean you would love their life, or that them having a great life makes your life any less happy.

Well I went to a rubbish comprehensive in a run down area and I don't think anyone I went to school with is a high flyer, so no. I probably have as good as or better a career than most I went to school with, although I'm not a high flyer. I own a 4 bedroom house in a small northerm town, this would be classed as "posh" by most I went to school with.

I am envious of people who didn't have a messy divorce and who get to see their kids every weekend though. People like you, OP.

I am the high achiever career and education-wise, I was able to buy a house at a young age unlike most people, I travel regularly and to fairly exotic destinations, I’m very lucky with my relationship and family, I do live in Greater London and speak multiple languages so I guess I am like your classmates.

I’m not on social media though (much better for MH) and while I’m overall very happy in life, I’m envious of those who have had children while I’m struggling with my fertility, and I’m aware that circumstances can always change (health, job etc).

I haven't found anything particularly to envy in what other people from school are doing. Mostly just normal stuff and a lot of them look rather fat and rough looking TBH.

"Comparison is the thief of joy!'

I think the question to ask is whether people are happy. High salaries and a flash Insta account doesn't necessarily equal a fulfilling and happy life and, yes, comparison is the thief of joy.

I'm not a high flyer (never wanted to be) and have had some financial struggles but I'm doing fine; happy marriage, lovely kids, good health, a flexible and rewarding job, a nice place to live in lovely part of the world. I'm very fortunate.

I have absolutely no idea what anyone from my school is doing. I left for university and never went back to my home town other than brief visits to parents (who also eventually moved away). It was before the days of social media so once you left, unless you were very diligent at letter writing and phonecalls (I'm not) then that was that.

I'm definitely an "average" achiever for my school, if that.

But I'm very happy with my life, which is all that matters.

Nah, life is too short for comparisons, unless you have a Time Machine you can’t change the past. In your shoes I would think of a couple of things that you might want to achieve in short term?

At a school reunion we chatted about income, the highest earning was a quiet, average student, 2nd was the guy that was always going to go into financ, so no surprises there, I was 3rd, I didn’t even get A levels! A good GCSE outcome and vocational qualifications via an apprenticeship. So you really can’t tell. Also income isn’t the only measure of success

I probably count as one of the "high-flyers" from our (crap) high school. Not that I have a particularly impressive career, and I currently only work part time so earn next to nothing, but I live abroad and didn't end up working in a care home/nursery/on the tills at Asda like about 90% of my year group.
Honestly I can't imagine anyone I went to school with particularly cares what I ended up doing, apart from 1 or 2 people I'm still friends with.
After struggling with miscarriages and infertility for 8 years before finally having a daughter via IVF who has a (physical) disability if anything I'm the one that occasional feels envious of everyone with their teenage kids because they actually managed to have them young and will be around long enough to really enjoy them. Then I give my head a wobble and remember how absolutely amazing my toddler is and that I wouldn't change her for anything! And as nice as it would be to have family around I literally can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in that town forever! Mind you I'm not originally from there (my family came from the area but a different, nicer town and I was an army brat until year 9 when I moved to that town/school) so I don't see it as my "home" town anyway even though it's where my dad lives.

All the high flyers in my school who went off and did interesting jobs all had great financial support and had affluent engaged parents who had been to uni before.

Most of my year group work in the service industry. A few of the boys went into the military - came out and work off shore. There are a few teachers, nurses and midwives amongst my cohort too who are the more successful ones and then a few very talented musicians and actors who work in London / cruise lines.

My parents prioritised education but had never been to uni etc themselves, they couldn't help and guide when talking about education or career choices. I did that myself, returns to my hometown when I became a young single mum but I love where I live, I'm walking distance to an ice beach etc and enjoy the calmer pace of life. I have an interesting remote career and I enjoy going down to London for work of a city break with DD but I'm not sure Id want to live there. I do think when DD is older and off at uni I may rent somewhere in a city to temporarily experience the city life but that's incredibly expensive and seems a bit daft when I'm mortgage free.

But life is what you make it but you can't factor in the unexpected, one of my uni flatmates had a fantastic start in life, great family, started her own business which was very successful, got cancer and had both breast removed before 25, got married, bought a lovely house, had a child they never thought they'd have and then found out she was terminal before she turned 30. It is truly tragic and whilst she makes the most of every moment it is heartbreaking.

God YES!

I went to an extremely academic prestigious girls' school. (I got in by the skin of my teeth).
I literally see ex pupils on the news speaking at the UN, influencing government policy or doing incredible things in medicine.

Since having kids my husband's career has flourished but I'm still in a low paid, mostly manual job. I enjoy it but I'd be mortified if they could see where I ended up. It's all a bit depressing really.

I don't go to reunions.

Fortunately, I have no idea how anyone I went to school with has done in life! Apart from one girl from my year who went on to be a moderately successful actress. Oh, and a guy in my year murdered someone 😔

I’m happy with the way my life is at this stage so I don’t see the point in comparing.

I was your typical academic high achiever at school ( bog standard local comp in the 90s, so I guess all relative, but A*s/As the odd B).A-Levels, Uni etc

I absolutely failed to launch career wise.

Why? I think a mix of:

• not having a STEM brain, but more of an arts/humanities brain, and not having any survive in the world of work real world skills.

*It took me years to realise, its not always what you know its who you know.

*Years to realise its not all about just working hard but its also about tooting your own horn loudly to make sure the right people at the top know what you are doing.

*Years to realise you aren't judged on effort put in (like at school) but end output.

*Its about selling yourself and taking the odd calculated risk here and there. (I'm totally risk adverse).

if I'd had this knowledge 20 years ago, perhaps I'd be a high flyer? who knows

No , I’m over the moon. Grew up in a really deprived area with lots of generational poverty, crime and social problems.
Every time I hear a story of someone I went to school with who has become really successful, I am awestruck and ridiculously proud. It felt like the odds were stacked against us and some of the rags to riches type stories are to me, the stuff of movies and fairytales. Mostly achieved through sheer hard work , determination and resourcefulness.

One thing was quite shocking and also brought me down to earth with a bump was to find out that four or five of my class of 30 odd from primary school died really young. We're only 48/49 now. I knew about one but not about the others, only found out when catching up with people.

Time changes everything…

I was THE high achiever at my highschool - head girl, straight a* student, teacher’s favourite, school production lead, school ambassador for open days etc etc etc - I was the ‘one to watch’ - the person going places due to my achievements…

now - after various mental and physical illnesses - I am unable to work, totally reliant on benefits and other people to help me.

I’d give up all my academic achievement to be able to have a ‘normal’ life.

we all blossom and bloom in our own time and the twists and turns of life are never easy.

embrace and enjoy what you have - never envy someone else - as you never know what goes on behind the public facade… the cost or the pain that is behind the smile or success. live each moment to the fullest - as you never know when it will be taken from you.

I think it is natural to feel a bit envious/inadequate when you are confronted with this. I do a lot of assessments in my job reading CVs and narratives about achievements and I have to rank these candidates but often the vast majority are really impressive and I can feel a bit useless and like I have achieved nothing in comparison. Doesn't mean I actually want to change anything and like PP are only seeing a snapshot and certain presentation of something