To be thinking about myself in this situation?????

[SelfishBitch]

Regular bla, bla, bla.

My BF's DH has been having an affair and it has progressed to the divorce stage. He 'was' a great husband and dad and IMO one of the most unlikely men to have an affair and leave his kids who he loved to bits. I have supported my friend all the way and have been there for her every second. She mentioned in passing the other day that this must be very hard for me and have I got paranoid?
Well, the answer is yes I have. All the little niggles I have about DH have come to the surface and I have even checked his email and facebook today (nothing suspicious). So IABU, because she is still the priority of course, but is it OK to be worrying about me and DH too?

Don't let someone elses problems become your own.

It's a slippery road. If you're checking up on him now when he has done nothing to deserve that - then where does it end?

It must be a shock that he was unlikely to cheat, but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Of course it is - only natural when you find someone dear to you has had such a shock. A betrayal of trust so close to home is chilling.

But just because one man is daft enough to risk his marriage and his kids doesn't mean they all are, or that your dh is. Talk to him and tell him it makes you worry because if it can happen to them etc. etc. etc.

Of course not, like you say he was the most unlikely person in your eyes to stray. I would have thought that it would make you question your dh, I would, I think the shock of it would make me a little paranoid. I hope she is not going to keep stressing about this though, it would be a shame to taint your friendship in that way.

YANBU and aren't a selfish bitch.

Of course this is bound to have an impact on your own life, you are human.

It's okay and normal to worry about your friend and yourself and DH too.

As much as you know your BF very well, no-one knows anyone elses relationship. You know if your own is solid.

its that divorce slide......hold on tight -just because her relationship has gone tits up, yours should not do so too

Thanks everyone. Haven't really said much to DH because he just doesn't get it, tells me I'm being stupid.

Perhaps - and I hesitate to say this as it's your BF - she wouldn't mind if you ended up the same way as her?

Don't take any notice of her little jibes.

How are you a selfish bitch? You sound like a lovely friend.

It's been said to me before that break ups are contagious.

What they can do it encourage other people to have a look at their relationships and iron out any hiccups or niggles.

I think it's natural for you to think you want to avoid a break up. But don't snoop. That erodes trust and plants a seed of snooping habit. You could talk to your DH about their break up as means of getting to talk to him about your relationship.

Your friend will move on from this very painful time in her life and with help from you. I hope she appreciates you. You sound like someone who is very caring and supportive.

Thats nice Winky, thanks . Thats really good advice, I know I am being irrational, but its so hard to see her in that position and how much she is hurting, and I couldn't bear to be in that place too.

But you're not being irrational. It's normal to look at someone else's break up and then wonder about your own relationship. Your own relationship is fine but it's good not to take these things for granted!