To expect EXH to have his share of school holidays

[orangepinkblossom]

I am fortunate to have school holidays off due to my profession but am getting tired of my EXH not splitting the holidays equally. He has them mostly eow.

We have 3DC and live an hour apart, the older DC do prefer staying at home to see their friends and have sleepovers etc. But the expense and lack of my own time is exhausting!

EXDH refuses to take time off as he doesn't get paid if he doesn't work.

You are not unreasonable to want him to do more.
However, in reality you can't make it happen.
I say this as someone whose ex sees his kids once a month for a couple of hours. Believe me, I know just how hard it is not to have time to yourself!

How old are your kids? Do they need much looking after?

Well does he pay CMS to cover these days?

If not then either apply for it or tell.him you need him to adjust his payment to cater for his days. Or else book a holiday without the kids and tell him that he needs to cover it.

Yanbu, if you arranged he would share holidays as part of child maintenance.
Yabu if he is paying you maintenance for those days

you absolutely cannot expect him to take unpaid leave from work

if he took the kids but stuck them in the cheapest holiday camp he could find 8am to 6pm even if they didn’t want to go, how would you feel?

he probably thinks that is a stupid idea given you’re off work

haave you actually said “I’ll forgive you 5 days CM if you could take them for a week so I can get time to sort out some household matters.”

Not unreasonable but nothing you can do, my ex has never had our children overnight and we split 7 years ago so could be a lot worse

CMS is calculated for eow but there are far more additional costs during school holidays which I end up paying for.

DC ages 12-17

Another prince among men. Not. What an absolute loser - any decent parent would WANT to spend as much time as possible with their children. Take heart that they will see how pathetic he is as they age and likely want nothing to do with him.

If you were together, the one who wasn't working would have them or they would be in holiday club. Could they go to holiday club to give you a break.

The fact is you can’t make him.

of course he should be sharing the load, and of course he should want to spend more time with his children, but if he isn’t stepping up, there is little you can do about it.

My exH agrees (after much asking and chasing up from me) dates he is having the dc in school holidays, I work around that, and then when it comes to it, he suddenly ‘can’t do all those days’ and I end up covering last minute (because what else can I do?) This summer he agreed the 2 weeks he would see them, but the week before he changed it to 3 days one week and 4 days the next. It’s infuriating, but I can’t change what happens.

Ages 12-17 don't need childcare surely??

I'm a lone parent with no help, couldn't take the whole 6 weeks off so at 12 mine just had to entertain himself while I wfh. He's 16 now, they don't need looking after at that age.

That’s a bit of a leap! Yes he should have them in the holidays but surely the fact that he’d miss out on weeks of pay provides a context? And why should the OP ‘take heart’ in your prediction that the kids may no want to have a relationship in the future? Sounds like projection going on there.

As others have said - you can’t make him and even if you could would you want them going if he really didn’t want them with him- it’s pretty miserable to be looked after by someone who really doesn’t want you there.

Well, unfortunately you can't force him.

At those ages can't they just be left to get on with it themselves?

Call his bluff and say you’ll need some more money to cover holidays if he isn’t going to help out. Then he has a choice to pick from.

You are not being unreasonable to wish for this.
However, given that he's an Ex, I suspect you are unreasonable for expecting reasonable behaviour from him.
Presumably if he was a reasonable person maybe he wouldn't be an Ex?

Surely at ages 12-17 they can be left alone at his house whilst he works if you really don’t want them with you?

I would have thought they were at the age or being pretty self sufficient and able to arrange their own play dates and staying out of the house for the day anyway.

I think this means every other weekend not every other week.

If he's genuinely unable to take any annual leave in the year due to paying his bills then I have sympathy, but what would he do in that instance, if OP was in the same circumstances?

Maintenance ought really to reflect the fact that he carries on earning during the holidays and you don’t. I know that CMS don’t recognise the costs of the summer holidays and just go by the number of nights per week over the course of the year.

Presumably you have a lower paid job because you don’t work school hols, and have taken that job in order to be there for them?

Could you look for an all year round job now that your children are older and can presumably amuse themselves in the hols? That would help to pay for teenage appetites!

At ages 12 to 17 then you can leave them at home and go and do stuff!

If you need extra money in holidays for entertainment then ask for it.

Surely he has them for ONE week in the Summer holidays?

I wondered if ziplob was saying that as he never had them Mon-Fri he doesn’t need to have them those days in the hols.