Anyone else's husband?

Lunamoon23 · 2024-09-29T15:13:06+00:00

Just wanting to vent really... Anyone else's DH tackle every task with chaos and frustration. It doesn't matter what task my husband has to do, from picking up the dog poo to building a cabinet, there is always some drama about it. Ether the bags split or, who came up with building it this stupid way. He's a super handy guy, can do almost anything he turns his hand too, from plumbing to electrical to cars and decorating, but it's just NEVER a calm experience: it drives me mad.

NahNotHavingIt · 29/09/2024 16:14

No but my BIL is like this, so my sister just goes out if he's planning to do any DIY.

This is why their marriage has lasted 30 years so far 🤣

notacooldad · 29/09/2024 16:20

Dh is the one that handles everything practically and calmly. That is unless it's something to do with the kids even though they are adults.

I rang him up once and said something bad has happened and he is going to be upset. He went straight into panic mode and thought something had happened to one of the boys. It hadn't. I'd put petrol into his diesel van.
Later that day he told me never to start a conversation like that as vans and cars can be fixed and its the same with most things. However his mind won't straight to the lads and thought something bad had happened.

Mercedes45 · 29/09/2024 16:42

notacooldad · 29/09/2024 16:20

Dh is the one that handles everything practically and calmly. That is unless it's something to do with the kids even though they are adults.

I rang him up once and said something bad has happened and he is going to be upset. He went straight into panic mode and thought something had happened to one of the boys. It hadn't. I'd put petrol into his diesel van.
Later that day he told me never to start a conversation like that as vans and cars can be fixed and its the same with most things. However his mind won't straight to the lads and thought something bad had happened.

Eh yea, your husband was right.

notacooldad · 29/09/2024 16:46

@Mercedes45
Eh yea, your husband was right.
I know he is. The point was that he is not a chaotic husband like the Op's and is the epitome of calm. He only has one thing that triggers him.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/09/2024 16:50

Sounds like Homer Simpson.

My dad was a bit like that, in that he had zero patience and refused to read instructions on assembling things. His DIY skills were pretty questionable too.

This was curious as he was a very high level production engineer involved in the construction of oil platforms as his career, a 'troubleshooter'.

But ask him to assemble a five year olds' play kitchen and there would be debris and violent disorder evident for miles around. 😂

ItTook8WibesToKnow7WasEnough · 29/09/2024 17:35

My dad was a bit like that, in that he had zero patience and refused to read instructions on assembling things. His DIY skills were pretty questionable too.

This is exactly like my dad too.
It was/is horrible. Not just because the agro, but he also always whines throughout the whole thing, i.e ”this won’t work, that won’t hold, these won’t work out”.

Ugh, terrible.

Elsvieta · 29/09/2024 19:42

My father's always been like that - has to have an audience and make sure everyone knows how he's suffering. My mother berates him for it with increasing hysteria and then it turns into a giant row, but she never actually DOES anything (like walking away and refusing to help him with whatever it is). Rinse and repeat, for fifty years, without ever seemingly considering trying a different tack.

I tried something different from age 14 or so - ignore the jabbering, and if he becomes abusive, walk away. If he yells, tell him you won't help him (or just stand and watch him, which is often all he wants) while he's acting like that, and then don't. It works. My mother sees that it works. Still she doesn't do it. I don't have a clue why. Maybe she's just one of those women (and there's a lot of them about) who are secretly very attached to their martyrdom.

Createausername1970 · 29/09/2024 19:53

My DH is hopeless at DIY. I am fine with it, I am always happy "to get someone in to do it" but he always insists on trying to do it. With resulting swearing and destruction.

I walk away and shut the door.

My attitude is that it is his prerogative to shout and swear if he wants. It is my prerogative to choose not to engage with it.

Then we get someone in.

SunnyHedgehog · 29/09/2024 20:01

DH is a bit like this, I strongly suspect it's because he doesn't prepare first. He's got lots of tools (he's in trade) but he never sorts them out, so if he's working on the car or building a wardrobe, it's a good 20mins of stress "where's my ?" "I had loads of ___ last time, where've they gone?"
I find it annoying but he's mostly grumbling at the wind so I just take myself away from it and come back when peace has returned haha.

AmandaHoldensLips · 29/09/2024 20:08

I could have sold tickets that day my DH was trying to put a TV stand together (without reading the instructions of course). Kids and I hid in the kitchen covering our mouths as we were pissing ourselves laughing.

CriticalOverthinking · 29/09/2024 20:16

Every little thing has some drama!
I refuse to assemble furniture with him, we built a bed a few years back and it was hours of him tutting, muttering, ranting and throwing things because the instructions were 'wrong'

Few weeks ago I disassembled the same bed and rebuilt in another room then assembled a new bunk bed alone- all of it took half the time the original joint build did!

We're both handy and can figure out most things, but he's soooo angry doing anything.

Asked him to water the plants once and 4 phone calls later I won't make the mistake again 🙄

Original poster

Lunamoon23 · 29/09/2024 21:32

CriticalOverthinking · 29/09/2024 20:16

Every little thing has some drama!
I refuse to assemble furniture with him, we built a bed a few years back and it was hours of him tutting, muttering, ranting and throwing things because the instructions were 'wrong'

Few weeks ago I disassembled the same bed and rebuilt in another room then assembled a new bunk bed alone- all of it took half the time the original joint build did!

We're both handy and can figure out most things, but he's soooo angry doing anything.

Asked him to water the plants once and 4 phone calls later I won't make the mistake again 🙄

Hahaha - I'm so glad I'm not alone.

I often think he does it for some sort of gratification, as in if he makes the job seem harder than it is. He'll get bigger praise....
it doesn't work at all, infact it has the opposite effect.

I'm also quite handy myself! And can do things in a calm controlled manner, even when things go wrong, I can step back, reasses and go at it again.

I grew up with my dad and grandad being both super handymen, and they always did it with a smile on there face and a let's get this done attitude.

My husband just gets irate and I can find it very unattractive in the moment, gives me the ick a little. I called him out on it this afternoon and he seemed to hear what I was saying... so we shall see! 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Lunamoon23 · 29/09/2024 21:33

Elsvieta · 29/09/2024 19:42

My father's always been like that - has to have an audience and make sure everyone knows how he's suffering. My mother berates him for it with increasing hysteria and then it turns into a giant row, but she never actually DOES anything (like walking away and refusing to help him with whatever it is). Rinse and repeat, for fifty years, without ever seemingly considering trying a different tack.

I tried something different from age 14 or so - ignore the jabbering, and if he becomes abusive, walk away. If he yells, tell him you won't help him (or just stand and watch him, which is often all he wants) while he's acting like that, and then don't. It works. My mother sees that it works. Still she doesn't do it. I don't have a clue why. Maybe she's just one of those women (and there's a lot of them about) who are secretly very attached to their martyrdom.

Haha - your father sounds like my husband! I'm very much like you in regards to handling it. However, he'll make sure wherever I am in the house, I'm aware of what a bastard of a job it is, or how difficult that jobs been for him. 🙄

OP posts:

Didimum · 29/09/2024 21:35

No, my DH is very calm and methodical. My dad on the other hand …

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 29/09/2024 21:37

Yes, I call it the Victor Meldrew effect.

SunnyHedgehog · 01/10/2024 12:07

Lunamoon23 · 29/09/2024 21:32

Hahaha - I'm so glad I'm not alone.

I often think he does it for some sort of gratification, as in if he makes the job seem harder than it is. He'll get bigger praise....
it doesn't work at all, infact it has the opposite effect.

I'm also quite handy myself! And can do things in a calm controlled manner, even when things go wrong, I can step back, reasses and go at it again.

I grew up with my dad and grandad being both super handymen, and they always did it with a smile on there face and a let's get this done attitude.

My husband just gets irate and I can find it very unattractive in the moment, gives me the ick a little. I called him out on it this afternoon and he seemed to hear what I was saying... so we shall see! 😂

Show quote history

I agree with this- it's like the huffing and puffing is a big peacock display "look how hard this job is that I'm doing"

Does he think I'm going to faint with desire at how manly he is?! 😂