Fresh start would you do it?

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

I've had a bit of a rough couple of weeks which has given me some food for thought on my future.

I'm a full time single parent to a gorgeous 9 year old. She is my world and I love her to pieces.

I live in a nice area, close to family and friends. I own my own home and recently did an extension. I love our home, it's exactly how I want it.

But...we live in a nice area and it's expensive.

A week or so ago, I was made redundant. At the same time I also had a horrible health scare (all fine, but awful at the time). I was made redundant in Covid, found a new job which I left a few years later to move to my most recent one.

In an ideal world I would like to live mortgage free so that I wouldn't have to earn the money that I need to live this lifestyle. I'm tired of worrying about losing jobs and trying to find something well paid again.

I'm almost 50, and want a quieter life. I want a life in the countryside with some animals like chickens and goats 🤣 it's my happy place being outdoors with animals. Likewise for my DD who has ADHD.

After evaluating my life I realise this rat race lifestyle isn't making me happy. But the flip side is I move away from friends and family and have no support.

I feel like whatever I do I make compromises.

I know I need to do something, but I don't know what it is. What I do know is I bloody hate always looking over my shoulder wondering if I will loose my house because of financial pressure.

Can you not downsize to a property in the same area. You say you've had an extension, and you love your home now. Obviously the extension will have added to the value.

If you downsize you get to stay close to your support network, and won't be stressing over losing your home if you can't afford your mortgage payments.

Do you need a big house for the two of you?

If you sold your home, could you buy a house for cash in the countryside? If so then your ideal life is achievable if you're prepared to leave family and friends behind. You'll make new friends easily, especially if you are going to have goats and chickens. Family can always come and stay. You can offer them long relaxing weekends in the country instead of a couple of hours over supper in the evening.

I’m a single parent and I get you!
How far away would you have to move to achieve this? have you got a particular area in mind that you’re drawn to? Can you spend more time there and work out if it is truly for you? Maybe seek advice from others living more rurally to get a feel for realities.
You only live once so if you work out all the practicals and everything looks good for your dd too I’d say go for it.

I live an hour out of London, but if I moved to somewhere like Somerset I could buy a house outright ideally with a little bit of land for our animals. It's something I've dreamt over for years and years. Animals are what ground me and feed my soul with happiness.

If I could buy a little home in a bustling community, with lots of beautiful countryside I would be happy. I think even my elderly parents would move if we did, we are really close and the move would do them good.

I have a great redundancy package which will last me for 8 months out of work. I wouldn't be able to move for a couple of years as I'm locked in my mortgage. But I could freelance for those years and then move.

Sometimes life throws things are you so you decide to re evaluate the important things. Health, happiness and quality of life. I want to be close to family, I see them all the time and I hope they would move with us. Friends I can make again.

Its very hard starting over again and making friends at this age. Most people this age have established friendship groups. It will be harder in a rural area.

You say it would do your parents good to move with you, but moving away from health and other services, including public services, is a bad idea. Its exactly the time life you most need to be near to services. Your parents will also be uprooted from all of their own connections. This will be tough for them.

Rural living is also a crap if you are a teenager, which your daughter will be soon.

I cannot help thinking that you are largely thinking about what is good for you in this move and convincing yourself it will be good for your family too.

Very true. Argh! I'm stuck! 🤪🤪🤪

As your 9 year old grows up she might not appreciate being stuck in the countryside. I think the point made about your parents is a good one. Sorry, it doesn't sound realistic to me.

I would start looking for a compromise between what you have and what you want OP, it might take a while to find the perfect balance but I reckon there's a halfway house you haven't considered yet, you just have to find it!

Yep, I'm trying to work out that the is! 😛 the solution must be out there!

You need to think long term, when your 9 year old is 16 and wanting a social life and a part time job will rural living suit her then?

Countryside doesn't have to mean hours away. I live in the SE in a town, but there's countryside between the towns, and that's where I'd live! You don't need to be the only person for tens of miles, countryside is still accessible from the town.

That's where I live at the moment. I'm surrounded by countryside, but live in a great community with lots to do. It's perfect and easy to get to London, but with that comes a heafty price tag!

If I moved to somewhere like one of the Somerset towns then possibly I would get the same without a mortgage, but then I'm uprooting us from everything we know.

The real issue is my job, finding one I enjoy and not worrying about losing it.

Most people who are nearly 50 still have the responsibility of years left on their mortgage. And how much of a risk is losing your job? I assume it has something to do with what line of work you are in.
Also, your daughter will be an adolescent soon and expanding her wings.
All these need to be considered in your decision

Can you have this as a plan for when your daughter is out of school- whether she goes to uni or chooses something else, she will have more power to choose her own place to live while still being able to visit you? Say ten years down the line?

I still have a mortgage yes. But I have a nice amount of equity in my property to allow me live in a little house somewhere not so close to London.

But I do get everyone's point. And I am taking it onboard.

I work in IT and work for clients, it's common to lose clients to competitors and then be out of work. But it's still not a nice place to be, I'd prefer not to be in this situation again and may consider working client side.

As you get older you need to be nearer people, the doctor, the hospital, transport, a cafe, a newsagent, the greengrocer, shops, people to say hello to whom you know by sight but don’t know their name, places with pavements so you can walk if you can’t drive.

You don’t need to be in the middle of the countryside to have hens. Who will look after your animals when your daughter unexpectedly wants or needs a holiday with her mother?

Speak to your parents to find out if they'll be up for the move, having them with you will be a big help I would imagine. If you're buying your rural house outright, will you have the option to cut back on your work hours? I would find that a huge plus. I grew up rurally and it was a bit shit in my teen years, but I survived. My parent's made a sound investment with their house, which will give my Mum security in her later years, which in turn takes pressure off me. It's swings and roudabouts really. Mum seems to have never struggled to make friends living rurally and has a few who were 'mum' friends of my classmates, but most are neighbours or ones she's made through activities she does.

FWIW I moved into the city as soon as I was old enough to move away and after a few years found I hated it and am now looking to move more rurally for my retirement.

My mother did that after her divorce. Moved me and my brother (age 9&7) to Somerset. We had lived 1 hour from London. Don't get me wrong there are some nice villages in Somerset, but it isn't grass is always greener. Schools were terrible - I was 1 possibly 2 years ahead in subjects like maths and English. Fewer opportunities for teenagers. I don't want to project my own experience too much onto your situation however for us it was a bad move at the wrong time. In my view, it's one of those cases where you don't realise what you have til it's gone.

When I say rural I don't mean living in the middle of nowhere! I wouldn't like that. Just somewhere further out from London which allows me to live mortgage free with more outdoor space to have chickens and maybe a goat 🤣 somewhere like Bath.

I would probably be able to cut back on hours and have a better work life balance.

Currently I work full time, and get zero time for myself. It's either work or being mum.

It's all a pipe dream and I expect I'll end up in another sh*t job which pays the bills and I'll be back in the rat race again. But at least will be in employment!

Thanks a Nightingale, that's great you've shared your experience and more than likely the situation I'll end up in - regretting my decision.

I just wish life was easier on the financial side. It's exhausting as a single parent. The pressure and worry is all consuming.

I did exactly what you are saying OP, I moved from Surrey to Somerset, where I have a low key job I mostly love and I 90% own my tiny house. The fields, the slower pace of life, everything, I love it.

If the maths work, do it. It is lush. And I think that moving away and being less stressed, you might not need the support you think as you won't be as stressed. The sense of community down here is very good, plenty of friendly people.

Good luck x I can hear the yearning in your post.

Something to say, could I PM you please? Do you have any children? Can you recommend a town which is bustling yet has the slower pace of life? Pretty scenery but plenty for both me and my DD to do? Thanks 🙏

So very true, gave up driving at 60, as eye issues, which a long time to decide, I needed a prism ( talking years, despite help), Parkinson’s and muscle issues, at 62, too early, tho wise.
Great buses here, doc and dentist near, and hospital a bus ride away, also nice town, Train station near too.
You do need to be practical for you and your daughter, stuck way out with 2 buses a day, and last one about 6pm, when unwell or can’t drive, will be hell.
Prob poor internet too