Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I unreasonable to talk to this young woman?

13 replies

honeysucklebelladonna · 29/09/2024 14:10

Young woman (19/20), drunk in the pub flitting between men, many of whom were twice her age. She was clearly known in the pub but was out alone (zero judgement before anyone suggests that, I’m just making the situation clear), she had tried to flirt with my DH a number of times to the point of stroking his arm. DH was polite but firm and told me how uncomfortable the whole situation was and we briefly discussed how her behaviour and demeanour suggested she was already a vulnerable young woman being made more vulnerable by the setting.
At that point I heard her make a comment which again just showed her vulnerability so I politely and nicely took her to one side and told her she was a beautiful young lady who didn’t need to look for validation from these men, the good ones would feel uncomfortable and the shitty ones would take advantage of her, she deserved better for herself and to treat herself more kindly, I said more but it gives you an idea of the conversation. She started crying and said thank you to me, I hope that having someone tell her those things would help her maybe not today but at some point.

Now I’m wondering if I was just an interfering dickhead that made her feel bad about herself

OP posts:
zeitweilig · 29/09/2024 14:11

If the situation was exactly as you describe, and the other stuff you said was also respectful, then I think you did a kind thing.

Dawevi · 29/09/2024 14:12

zeitweilig · 29/09/2024 14:11

If the situation was exactly as you describe, and the other stuff you said was also respectful, then I think you did a kind thing.

Edited

Ditto

I wish someone had done this for me when I was that girl.

PonyPatter44 · 29/09/2024 14:14

It's not unreasonable at all. You stepped up to help someone who could have ended up in a really sticky situation, you did exactly the right thing. Being a decent human being isn't unreasonable in any circumstances.

honeysucklebelladonna · 29/09/2024 14:17

It was as described and I was nothing but kind to her, she was initially concerned I was upset as it was clear DH and I were a couple, I assured her I was not upset by that I was just concerned for her and worried she would be taken advantage of.
I suppose I saw a lost young woman who has probably been badly treated and I wanted her to know that life doesn’t have to be like that.

OP posts:
shizukana · 29/09/2024 14:20

Hopefully she takes it to heart ❤️

Thedogscollar · 29/09/2024 14:24

You sound absolutely lovely and level headed. I'm hoping the young woman is reflecting on your wise words that she needs no validation from a man no matter how nice they are.

Ethylred · 29/09/2024 14:27

You did a good thing OP.

TheCentreCannotHold · 29/09/2024 14:29

Definitely a good thing.

MindTheAbyss · 29/09/2024 14:33

You did a lovely thing, OP. She might never have had anyone speak to her like that before. If it was just as you say, I’ll bet she really values those words.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 29/09/2024 14:37

You gave her the gift of kindness and honesty. You could have potentially saved her from being taken advantage of. Hopefully she reflects on your words.

CuttySarcasm · 29/09/2024 14:40

You did the right thing, it may have been the only time in her life she was told something positive like that. I had an abusive childhood and if someone would have taken me to one side, maybe I wouldn't have ended up in some of the situations I did! Well done Op.

honeysucklebelladonna · 29/09/2024 15:21

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply, I suppose I just worried that while my intentions were good that I may have inadvertently made her feel like shit instead, hopefully not.
Even if it doesn’t help her today, maybe she’ll remember the words and the kindness with which they were meant.

OP posts:
OldKingCole · 29/09/2024 15:26

The World needs more people like you OP. You did a good thing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread