To ask for tips to survive crippling lonliness as a lone parent?

[tearsandtiaras]

I have read quite a few articles that people can die of a broken heart.

As the nights draw in, I am indoors with teenage DD who wants to spend less time for me. I have a very demanding full time job and very little spare cash so not much time to meet people. Her father is an abusive waste of space who has zero contact or £ for 12 years. Most evenings after she retreats to her room i sit and look around and cry.

I am asking for tips to help make the time feel less lonely.

I have no family, so tapping into them isn't an option.

I feel lmy mindset is wrong

I’m going to echo what other posters (and you) have said and say that it seems to me like it’s your mindset rather than any physical obstacle that is in your way.

i would genuinely start thinking how you can find some motivation and purpose because if you don’t change something, nothing is going to change.

When I didn’t have much spare cash I used to walk with friends then have a coffee. That few hours out made such a difference. Get cheap cinema tickets via your phone contract/insurance and go with a friend or even your daughter . Keep your eye out for local free events there are lots of markets and craft fairs coming up. Invite a friend round at weekend and cook . Your daughter will see friends at school and is no doubt speaking to them on her phone while in her room . She will be fine if you go out for a few hours . You now need company for you but you have to make a bit of an effort.

I started to look after myself better now I have the time, do go to water aerobics, yoga, Pilates and Zumba and I really enjoy it and have met some good friends.
I also have been able to spend more time decluttering if we haven't used it in a while it's gone.

Would you be able to change jobs to nearer home so you didn't have just a long commute, so you would have more free time and less to pay out in travel expenses.

I agree, things will never change unless you make an effort yourself.

I would start by looking at things going on in your local area.
My local area is ready advertising events, craft fares, theatre, cinema, indoor sales, car & motorbike meet ups, quizzes, charity fund raising events, cake & coffee, art class, book club, gardening club, fitness club, music club, etc for Halloween & Christmas

I would also recommend going to your local library or information centre centre or look online for ideas.

I get this. I have done the single parenting and full-time working for 11 years and it is exhausting and atrophies your social life and confidence, even if you can suddenly magic up time and money. I am at the stage where I would like to meet people and do new things but first I feel like I need to rest and get my house less chaotic and just feel less frazzled. My youngest is not quite old enough where I could leave him of an evening, but we do go to the gym or swimming or out for a walk routinely, even if it means going out at 8.30 or 9pm.

What opportunities are there for flexible working so you could have one day a week when you don’t have to commute or you get home earlier? You do just sound exhausted and therefore it doesn’t matter what anyone suggests, you won’t have the energy to view it as possible.

OP, you've said that you would like a partner to chat to. If that's what you want then take steps to make it happen, join OLD, join an book club, singles or social group (on line if necessary!). Sounds like your daughter could manage to make her own tea a couple of evenings a month to give you a chance to go out after work.

The fact is, you do need to get yourself out there. You say you don't have the time but there isn't really any other option if you want to meet people. Surely you have a couple of hours at the weekend? I am a lone parent also. My teenage DS is out all day today so I've got the whole day to myself.

You say you would like a partner, but one isn't just going to drop into your lap. If you want to meet somebody you need to be socialising.

Lots of great ideas above, especially on batch cooking and your DD putting a meal in the oven ready for when you’re home.

If you’re so exhausted, should you be at the gym every morning? Why not do 3 days not 5, plus something at the weekend?

Your work schedule is punishing. I’d also try to change that to free up more evening time.

We don’t allow our DS 16 to be in his room all night. He’s up there after dinner but comes down at 10 to watch a series with DH and have a chat with us. Could you establish a routine where you spend half an hour together before bedtime?

Most colleges do small online free courses. Would just filling your time do for now? What about some type of craft? Home exercise?Would you consider being a telephone volunteer of some sort? Would you try online dating?

I sympathise - lone parent here and it's hard when energy and motivation are low. I think starting small with changes is good as it helps give you confidence to do the next thing, like an upward spiral. Over the years I have spent my evenings doing combinations of the following:

• yoga with Adrienne on YouTube
• prearranged phone dates with friends and a glass of wine
• inviting friends over for a takeaway
• taking an actor I like and watching every film they ever made
• pamper evening - long bath, good book, paint nails etc.
• audiobooks
• persuading the teens to come and watch something with me - Popcorn bribes work.
• online Scrabble with strangers.
• chocolate night with crap telly!

I also try to go out once a week. I go to the pub, the cinema, the theatre, comedians, dinner with friends. It's liberating to realise this is possible, but it does depend on the age and independence of your teen. I have several of them, so although they don't really hang out together, they have each other if there's a problem.

I dip my toe in dating every now and again but it is less rewarding than all of the above!

Making sure you are healthy and have no nutritional deficiencies might mean more evening energy. Berocca gives me a noticeable boost.

Oh, and MOOCs. They are free and available in a huge range of interesting subjects to study at your own pace.

These are really good ideas thank you

I am going to attempt to do an exercise class one night a week straight after work too

I am a child protection social worker, unfortunately I can't change my hours and it is gruelling. I am hoping when DD costs me less to go 4 days a week. Right now we barely get by and i cannot work any more hours than I do. I also do cleaning jobs some weekends to pay bills

Op, I'm a single, full-time working mum of a teen DS. You are right, once I've cooked supper and chased him to do his homework there is no time for going out.

But I need to do something, so I leave him asleep on a Saturday morning, and do Parkrun. Lots of new people there. And I became a parish councillor which takes a bit of reading and one evening a month. New friends there. On that one evening a month, DS has frozen pizza.
I go to the local pub quiz night with DS. We eat there once a month but a good social occasion for both of us. He skulks with the other teenagers 😀

I try to plan two or three things a week. And I give them priority. Happy teens need happy positive parents.

I'm a lone parent of DD15.

Can you reframe it a bit? There are lots of really useful tips on here but I always consider this time in the evening as me time.

I do yoga, have a long shower, find a series I really like on Netflix, cook quick meals that are good but easy (oven baked risotto is always a winner)

I found the early years lonely but been in my own so long I actually love it now.

Separated parent here, WFT from home.

Its difficult to find fun company, but not impossible. I go to the rugby with my son. Go to gigs with online dates. Tried the app Meet Up, didn't really enjoy it, but it's an option.

Hiking and hillwalking, walkiggrusareals good. There are free hobbies, which can be good. Offer to dog walk for neighbours, just to chat with people.

It's great that you do gym in the mornings -i would try and get to bed early with a book if I were you. Or use that hour to chat to men on dating apps and set up dates for the weekend. X