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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do this "behind his back"?

40 replies

Good4u · 28/09/2024 13:46

Name chance because he knows I'm on here.

My dog is suffering from osteoarthritis. He was managing ok with pain meds and anti-inflammatories but over the past 48 hours has deteriorated rapidly.

Took him to the vet and he's been put on injections to help manage the pain and keep him mobile and comfortable.

Called my ex afterwards who had a go at me saying he "didn't want the dog on that drug, he's told me about it before and has read on Google that it causes all sorts of other problems".

For background, my ex became a conspiracy theorist during the pandemic. He's now an anti-vaxer, and takes all these weird and wonderful drugs purchased from the Internet because someone on Reddit said he should. All of his medical opinions, he gets from Dr Google.

The vet even said to me "you'll see all these things on the Facebook groups, but don't be discouraged by them. The veterinary community is really pleased with how pets are responding to the drug".

AIBU to take the opinion of a qualified veterinary over my ex who is not qualified but thinks he knows best?

I'm upset enough as it is, without him giving me a hard time for trying to give my beloved dog a better quality of life.

OP posts:
pleatspleats · 28/09/2024 13:48

Why are you discussing your dog with your ex? He sounds awful.

Likeaburstcouch · 28/09/2024 13:48

Of course YANBU! Does your ex still pay for / look after the dog at all?

MiddleClassProblem · 28/09/2024 13:48

Is the dog with you full time?

MamOfGirls2 · 28/09/2024 13:49

Why are you consulting the ex about the dogs care? Does the dog live with you or him?

Good4u · 28/09/2024 13:52

We share the dog. I have him while ex is working, he has him while I'm working. I pay for all veterinary care and pet insurance.

So as not to drip feed, when the dog started to deteriorate yesterday, my ex never told me about it and also didn't seek veterinary advice. So I'm already pissed off at that.

OP posts:
Fallulah · 28/09/2024 13:52

Whose dog is it?

Is it Librela? Our dog has that monthly and it’s changed her life. I too read about all the side effects and she hasn’t had any.

Good4u · 28/09/2024 13:54

Fallulah · 28/09/2024 13:52

Whose dog is it?

Is it Librela? Our dog has that monthly and it’s changed her life. I too read about all the side effects and she hasn’t had any.

Mine, legally. But we rescued him while we were together.

It is Librela. I'm not pinning all my hopes on it, but the vet said she had seen massive improvements on the dogs she's prescribed it to.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 28/09/2024 13:55

If you're paying, don't even bother telling him about it. He doesn't care enough about the dog to contribute financially to its care so it's none of his business. Just ignore him. If you must share the dog then just hand it over, say nothing about vets etc. unless he wants to put his hand in his wallet?

Chickenfriedriceismybestfriend · 28/09/2024 13:55

Op I would find a dog sitter for whilst you're at work, your dog is absolutely fuck all to do with your ex, especially as you pay all vet bills etc! Hope the treatment works well for your doggo xx

MiddleClassProblem · 28/09/2024 13:57

I would be concerned that he would stop the medication when the dog is with him. To be honest I think you need a clean break from him and the dog is yours. Awful that he just let your dog suffer.

pleatspleats · 28/09/2024 13:58

Going forward I would never discuss your dog’s medical care with your ex. He’s clearly an illogical thinker and will cause your dog harm if he has a say in his care. Just treat him like you would a dog sitter and leave it at that.

MamOfGirls2 · 28/09/2024 14:04

The problem is if he's with ex and he choses not to administer the medication theirs fuck all you can do about it. I'd end this co parenting relationship. Ultimately, it's your dog. You need to draw a line under this relationship and look after your pet as you see fit.

afaloren · 28/09/2024 14:05

My dog’s on Librella and it has been life changing. Don’t listen to your bonkers ex. They’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Imfreetofeelgood · 28/09/2024 14:07

If he doesn't need to administer any meds during "his time" I would carry on, and not tell him anything in future. If the dog does need medication during his time, I'd find alternative dog care. Do not let him influence your decisions - you will regret it /feel the guilt if you do. Hope your dog responds well.

Good4u · 28/09/2024 14:08

MamOfGirls2 · 28/09/2024 14:04

The problem is if he's with ex and he choses not to administer the medication theirs fuck all you can do about it. I'd end this co parenting relationship. Ultimately, it's your dog. You need to draw a line under this relationship and look after your pet as you see fit.

It's a monthly injection administered by the vet, luckily.

OP posts:
MamOfGirls2 · 28/09/2024 14:09

Good4u · 28/09/2024 14:08

It's a monthly injection administered by the vet, luckily.

Oh. Do it then. I wouldn't even discuss it.

Buildingthefuture · 28/09/2024 14:09

Sorry op, I am with your ex on this one. My 10 yr old lab lost the use of her back legs after her 4th librela injection. I never even thought that the injection had caused it, just one of those things. A year later, I gave it to one of my other 10 yrs olds (mongrel, not a lab) and he lost the use of his back legs after the third injection. I’d never use it again and my vet has stopped recommending it because she has seen a lot of awful side effects.

WTAFisthisnonsense · 28/09/2024 14:13

My lovely girl was on librela for the last 18 months of her long life. It is an amazing drug that gave her the opportunity to enjoy a full life despite her various health conditions. She was able to enjoy her last walk 12 hours before she died.
Ignore your ignorant ex.

Good4u · 28/09/2024 14:14

Buildingthefuture · 28/09/2024 14:09

Sorry op, I am with your ex on this one. My 10 yr old lab lost the use of her back legs after her 4th librela injection. I never even thought that the injection had caused it, just one of those things. A year later, I gave it to one of my other 10 yrs olds (mongrel, not a lab) and he lost the use of his back legs after the third injection. I’d never use it again and my vet has stopped recommending it because she has seen a lot of awful side effects.

Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm sorry your dogs didn't get on well with it Flowers

If that did happen to my dog, I would accept it and have to live with it. I would still have preferred to try something, rather than nothing.

I think the difference is, you're basing your opinion on previous experience and communication with your vet. My ex is basing his opinion on Google.

OP posts:
MirrorMirror1247 · 28/09/2024 14:15

My dog is nearly 13 and has been having Librela injections for a while now, it really is making it easier for her to get about. She lives with my ex as he has a house and garden, but she belongs to both of us and I see her regularly and contribute to costs. We discuss any medical needs and come to decisions together. But if you're the only one paying, I'd say it's your decision. I'd listen to the vet's advice as well.

CleverLemonCat · 28/09/2024 14:16

Does you vet have hydrotherapy treatments op? Was speaking to dog owner at the vets recently, her dog also has osteoarthritis and she said he bounds around like a puppy after his treatments.

gamerchick · 28/09/2024 14:21

Good4u · 28/09/2024 14:08

It's a monthly injection administered by the vet, luckily.

And if your ex decides to treat your dog with his own brand of, bat shit internet driven toxic crap that might react to what the vets giving him?

I'd really stop the dog going there tbh.

godmum56 · 28/09/2024 14:23

MiddleClassProblem · 28/09/2024 13:57

I would be concerned that he would stop the medication when the dog is with him. To be honest I think you need a clean break from him and the dog is yours. Awful that he just let your dog suffer.

This

Buildingthefuture · 28/09/2024 14:26

@Good4u totally agree that you don’t want to do nothing. Have you tried Gabapentin, yumove, hydrotherapy and laser therapy? I have had good results from all of those. Also from a different injection, the name of which currently escapes me, but I will find out and come back! Also agree it’s fuck all to do with your ex. You do what you think is best for your dog.

Good4u · 28/09/2024 14:26

gamerchick · 28/09/2024 14:21

And if your ex decides to treat your dog with his own brand of, bat shit internet driven toxic crap that might react to what the vets giving him?

I'd really stop the dog going there tbh.

He did admit to giving the dog CBD drops without my knowledge or consent. It made the dog sick apparently Angry

OP posts: