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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to find husband weird about the washing.

14 replies

AnnaSewell · 28/09/2024 10:04

It's his job to put the laundry on. Normally this gets done at night when the electric is cheaper. Last night he forgot and only remembered when I asked. He then wanted to put it on first thing because it's a good drying day.

Our adult daughter is staying with us.

When the cycle was finished this morning I put in the laundry basket and moved to the back door to hang stuff out.. I normally do this, because I'm a lot quicker. He likes to arrange everything in a particular order which takes twice as long, so this is 'my job' and I always do it, unless it's a particularly busy day when I have to leave early.

This morning he was sitting at the kitchen table talking to our daughter and as I came near he said, 'Can I help?'

I said, 'No I'm fine.'

He said, 'No, Let me at the least open the back door.'

'No, really I don't need help.'

'But it's nice to help people.'

He then jumped up and started faffing about opening the back door - which didn't need unlocking - getting the bag with the pegs in, bringing it over to me while I was standing there with the heavy laundry basket in my hand. I felt he was basically in the way, interrupting my routine. and insisting on performing helpfulness in front of our daughter.

There was also this vague implication that he was the helpful one, and I was not so he needed to demonstrate/model what helpful behaviour was.

He often behaves in this slightly odd/unnatural way when she is staying and I can't work out what's going on/why he does it. It irritates me.

OP posts:
wafflesmgee · 28/09/2024 10:06

I get it was irritating but he was trying to help, and of course it will feel a bit different when your daughter is staying, sounds like he may be trying a bit too hard but that's not a bad thing it means he cares that your daughter sees him in a positive light

chestnutroast · 28/09/2024 10:20

this is all so very odd
namely you starting a thread about your husband trying to. e helpful but you seeking to think he’s trying to impress his adult daughter… who presumably grew up with him. Are you saying he’s been like this throughout her the many years she lived with you both? in which case, it would appear that it’s not an act

so bizarre you’d think this of your husband op, but i’ll wager there’s other issues!

chestnutroast · 28/09/2024 10:26

would i be correct in thinking you and your daughter have a rather fraught relationship? or at least have in the past?

Week01 · 28/09/2024 10:26

You're being really strange about this.

5DivorceHelpPlease · 28/09/2024 10:28

He's compensating for forgetting to put the wash on last night. That's all (IMO)

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 28/09/2024 10:30

There has to be a back story here?

chestnutroast · 28/09/2024 10:35

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 28/09/2024 10:30

There has to be a back story here?

i wonder whether the Op will divulge!

needsomewarmsunshine · 28/09/2024 10:41

Helpful to some, but it would irritate the fuck out of me as a fully functioning adult.

chestnutroast · 28/09/2024 10:50

the Op’s last thread about her daughter was fact that she’s bought the op a slim paperback for christmas
4 months later the op found out that it cost £2.99
and her thread was whether she was unreasonable to think her daughter should have spent at least a tenner on her

i think that may give us the hint of a backstory

Udford · 28/09/2024 10:53

I can totally relate to this.

My husband acts like this. If there is anyone else around he puts on this act that he’s a doting husband/dad. In reality, he rarely lifts a finger! It’s infuriating but thankfully, close family and friends have clued up on what he’s like. We all just let him get on with it.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/09/2024 10:54

It sounds like a lot of bother over something that should be very simple.

Noseybookworm · 28/09/2024 11:01

It sounds like you're looking for problems where there aren't any 🤔 it's mildly irritating at worst. Maybe he was trying to make up for forgetting to put the washing on the night before?

Pleiades2020 · 28/09/2024 11:44

The correct response to 'Can I help would have been to say 'yes. Hang the washing out for me please, put it on the table and walk away.

Betsabea · 28/09/2024 11:57

I think he was just feeling guilty about forgetting to do the washing the night before.

Also what if his method takes twice as long? If he's willing to help why not let him do it his way for once? It doesn't sound as though you had an urgent commitment, I would have just said yes and left him to hang the washing according to his specifications.

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