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Original poster

Partner bringing up my past

19 replies

alisyn · 27/09/2024 23:25

I recently left our home because I'm tired of explaining to my partner that he betrayed my trust. At one point in our relationship I opened up and told my partner everything about my past. How my childhood was and past relationships. And he has thrown these things back into my face. I don't open up much around him anymore because of this.

His excuses are well you shouldn't take what I say seriously when I'm mad, Or it's just a personality difference you should still trust me, well I didn't tell anyone its just us that knows about it. I can't find the words right now I'm so annoyed because I have never done him like that. I don't even know if I can talk to him right now. He has no idea how these things affect our relationship and no matter how I try to explain it to him he doesn't get it.

While trying to explain to him how it makes me feel he says"well you've done it to me to when you said you don't care how my dad talks to my mom" in the past we've been around his parents and he has said to me "see how my dad talks to my mom and she doesn't get upset" my response was I don't care how your dad speaks to your mom you will not speak to me that way.

Now this has been a long week for me and I could just be reacting out of emotion or this is a valid reaction to hearing him say that.

OP posts:
QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 27/09/2024 23:26

Valid reaction. He sounds immature and unable to take responsibility.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/09/2024 23:27

Stay away.

Merryoldgoat · 27/09/2024 23:29

Stay well away from him. He’ll ruin you.

TGNW25 · 27/09/2024 23:32

He has betrayed your trust and is re traumatising you.You are worth more.Sadly he won’t change.

sounds like you have overcome a lot and remain an open hearted person .The truth is his behaviour is who he is.You are worth so much more x

Original poster
alisyn · 27/09/2024 23:34

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 27/09/2024 23:26

Valid reaction. He sounds immature and unable to take responsibility.

I think so. I just grabbed a couple things so I can step away for a few. He told me he didn't say anything for me to be upset about.

OP posts:
Original poster
alisyn · 27/09/2024 23:35

TGNW25 · 27/09/2024 23:32

He has betrayed your trust and is re traumatising you.You are worth more.Sadly he won’t change.

sounds like you have overcome a lot and remain an open hearted person .The truth is his behaviour is who he is.You are worth so much more x

Edited

I really try to be open with the people I love. But I can't once you hurt me. And that he does not understand.

OP posts:
Zanina · 28/09/2024 00:26

He is not trustworthy. Don't be vulnerable to him.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 28/09/2024 00:45

He has taken things that you’ve told him are painful to you, and he has tucked them away and brought them out as weapons, knowing that they would hurt you.

This is not a good man.

Mmhmmn · 28/09/2024 00:50

He’s just not one of the good guys, OP. Sounds really rather toxic, an gaslighting small man and the sooner left, the better for your stress levels and peace of mind. Don’t accept this as a relationship - you just don’t need that in your life.

pleatspleats · 28/09/2024 00:51

He’s a dick.

TheCultureHusks · 28/09/2024 00:53

Oh get rid! Your one precious life - don’t you think you can do better than this nasty annoying twat?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 28/09/2024 00:58

He has no idea how these things affect our relationship and no matter how I try to explain it to him he doesn't get it.

oh he gets it. He does understand. He just doesn’t care.

He’s told you that you don’t have any reason to be upset. Gaslighting twat.

Thevelvelletes · 28/09/2024 02:37

alisyn · 27/09/2024 23:34

I think so. I just grabbed a couple things so I can step away for a few. He told me he didn't say anything for me to be upset about.

Show quote history

Surely that's for you to decide what does/doesn't upset you as you have a mind of your own.as for how his dad speaks to his mum and she doesn't get upset you're your own person and don't have to put up with crap that perhaps his mum does.
Sounds like the apple hasn't fell far from the tree regarding his own dad's behaviours towards women.

autienotnaughty · 28/09/2024 03:02

You can't trust him.

He uses what you say against you.

Winning an argument is more important than your feelings.

He dismisses your feelings.

Throw this one back in. You can definitely do better.

Marmalady75 · 28/09/2024 04:58

His dad is an asshole and his mum
takes it, so ha can be an asshole and you should just take it too? Anyone who tells you not to be upset at something they have done because his mum would just sit quietly and take the abuse is not someone you should wan to have anything to do with.

Justsayit123 · 28/09/2024 07:21

Why are you with him? He’s not nice. Walk away for good. It’s a dead relationship with no trust and nastiness.

liverpudcounsel · 28/09/2024 07:30

“His excuses are well you shouldn't take what I say seriously when I'm mad”

This, I have had exactly this before. Pointing to me that I was the problem. I left.
Leave OP

Meadowfinch · 28/09/2024 07:33

He's using information that you trusted him with, to belittle, undermine and attack you. He's betrayed your trust and proved he's not worth the bother. His nastiness will poison your relationship.

Time to leave and find someone kind and lovely.

mummytrex · 28/09/2024 10:16

"He told me he didn't say anything for me to be upset about."

It isn't for him to tell you how you feel. Or minimise your feelings. Run for the hills.

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