Pick up / drop off

[HowdyBuzz]

AIBU for expecting exp to pick up dd and drop her back home on his 6 hour weekly contact?

He had started a blazing row with me asked me if DD could stay overnight with him every week and he would bring her to daycare the next morning, I agreed to it and now that I don’t want us to talk about us getting back together it hasn’t happened as he conveniently keeps picking up early morning shifts so says she can no longer stay.

Instead of him bringing her home like he usually did, now he is asking me to pick her up…he will be collecting her from me at 12 and wants me to pick her up at 6. I don’t think I should have to do this considering I do absolutely everything else all week! But pls let me know if I am being unreasonable, there was emotional abuse in the rship so I overthink everything but I’m being treated like a doormat and have had enough

Good morning. Sorry I don't have a clue about what is right, from threads I've read previously, people may say each parent does one journey. But I'm with you and think ExP should do both journeys in your case!

Just bumping you this morning, to hopefully get you some more knowledgeable replies!

I'm not sure whether it should be you or him but personally I would just not engage. Pick DD up, no comment, no row, just a mum doing what's best for her DD. It models to DD that you will always be there and she can rely on you.

Added bonus, since he's probably just trying to annoy or upset you, he loses.

Splitting the journeys 50:50 is not unreasonable and is what most parents do.
I appreciate that you do 99% of the child care and know how wearing that can be. I would write him an email laying it out so there can be no arguments your contact hours are between 12pm and 6pm you will pick DC up from X location and I will collect DC from Y location. Frame it as clarity and certainty for DC. It then gives you boundaries that can be rigid or flexible as you see fit.

50/50 for pickups, drop offs is pretty standard, and what usually gets decided with court involvement. This isn't worth fighting about, and yes, I think you should be doing one of the journeys. I also wouldn't be agreeing to overnights again though unless it's through mediation/ court because being arsed around is shit for a young child

You do everything else he should be managing this. People really expect fuck all from fathers. I recently told my XH no to a similar 'request' though I know since he moved that legally makes things a bit clearer. I already do 90% of kid related things, dropping them off and picking them up on his time is the least he can do. I actually feel sick just thinking about having told him no because of past abuse, but there's no way I could manage it on top of everything else. If all he does for her is see her 6 hours a week he can pick her up drop her back.

People's bars are low if they think OP should be doing any of the pick up/drop offs when he literally has her for 6 hours a week.