I have a bit of a friend issue, which feels silly as I’m in my 30’s and she’s in her 40’s but here we are.
I’ve known her for a few years now, we met online and she comes across as so caring and compassionate and friendly and we hit it off and became friends and we meet up and chat all the time.
The last time we met she started being very mean about people we both have in common. One friend she appears to be close to, who publicly she’s always expressing sympathy for things she’s going through, she told me was far too needy, she didn’t want to meet her as she didn’t like how needy she is and there's always something wrong with her.
Another friend she said was going through a lot and again is too needy with it, so doesn’t have any interest in meeting up with her, I actually expressed surprise she wanted to meet me as I had a bad year last year and was going through a lot, she said I was good though as I go into myself and my own shell so don’t need anything from her. I can't stress enough that when she's posting to the other person she's always 'I'm here for you whenever you need an ear or someone to talk to' but then to me she just slated her for having a hard time.
Another friend I have, she doesn’t really like and she started criticising small things she had done, which we had both done as well, and she implied a few of them are in a group criticising every move she makes. I think jealousy is behind most of it. She’s very successful and well liked and my friend has expressed that she's naturally an extremely jealous person.
The biggest issue for me though is she just casually told me something about a common acquaintance. She is very friendly with her, whereas I know her but wouldn’t call her a friend. She lets certain things be known about herself in public about her life choices and children. My friend just casually volunteered to me that she’s covering up and it’s the opposite of what she portrays in public. I was shocked when I had time to think about it, she had no right sharing that with me. It’s one of the most personal things about someone, and I actually feel very guilty even knowing it as she wouldn’t want me to, we’re not close at all and she obviously wants to keep it to herself as she has every right to do, it's such a personal thing. She told me as if it was a piece of idle gossip and not something she had been confided by a close friend. I hadn't even asked, she brought her up and then she threw that out there.
The more I think about it the more I hate that she told me and it’s made me think I really can't trust her, I’ve confided some intimate things about myself, including when I was going through a hard time and I keep thinking she’s saying these things about me to others or sharing my personal details and I feel awful.
I have always been of the opinion that if someone is talking about a friend TO you, they will be talking to another friend ABOUT you. I know this, but I’m struggling with what to do. I’m second guessing myself all the time now and also wondering what she’s saying behind my back.
The persona she puts out is completely different and it’s playing on my mind a lot. I have some things going on in my life right now, I don’t want to tell her about anything as what if she’s using my pain as gossip fodder? What if she’s saying I’m too much for what I’m going through. She already knows a bit of it and it’s playing on my mind too much.
I have no idea what to do at this point. I think ghosting people is rude but if I confront her she’s likely to make herself out as the victim (as she does often) and that she’s in the right.
Am I right or wrong to think she's doing all the same things about me behind my back too?