To be annoyed with a friend for suddenly dissapearing

[Anuta77]

Summary: So my friend of 25 years and her husband have anxiety issues and built their life around their fears. Their primary school age son is overprotected and dominates their life. Shes unable to work and her life turns around the son and his high demands.

I have compassion for her. I have accepted that despite living 20 min away from each other, we almost never saw each other. That our sons who are the same age barely know each other as we only did 2 activities together in the past 7 years. Our friendship is pretty much virtual, but I accepted it.

She can barely talk by phone because the son requires her attention and doesnt care if she needs to talk and when hes at school, she needs to do other stuff, so phone calls are only when she drives and have to be cut short when she arrives which honestly is annoying, but I accepted it. Shes very polite and not resrespectful at all.

From time to time, we could be in the middle of a chat conversation and she suddently dissapears. Like for days.

I totally understand it for little unimportant things, but last conversation was her asking me about bullying as her son deals with it at school. She wanted to talk by phone, but her son started a tantrum, so we couldnt complete the call. So we chatted and I asked her some questions and gave her some advice and its been 2 days and no reply.

Honestly, Im getting sick of this. I really understand that her life is hard, but what is with soliciting my advice and then dissapearing?

AIBU or should I just suck up and continue being understanding?

Friendship is a two way street. Despite the ups and downs of life friends support each other and make time for each other. You seem to be doing all the heavy lifting. I'd stop if I were you.

It doesn't sound as though you get much, if anything, out of this friendship.

Does she ever call you just to say hi, ask how you are, take an interest in your family? If she does, then maybe I'd be prepared to continue showing her slack.

But if she always has an agenda that revolves around herself or her troubles, then I can't see that it's a 2-way friendship.

Do you enjoy your chats with her?

Her life sound tough but as others have said it’s a two way street. Just step back OP - she has shown you what she’s prepared to offer in terms of friendship. If it doesn’t work for you that’s ok.

Yes, she does ask me how I am, not out of the blue, but if were talking. She congradulates me and my son with birthdays. She sends me some links here and there and shes an interesting person, at least when it comes to psychology as its our common interest.

But shes so overwhelmed that she has no ressources for much else and to be honest, I have 2 kids, so as much as I try to be understanding, I dont understand why its so hard. It could also be that the reason we dont see each other is that her son decided that he didnt like my son and that is enough for them not to do anything anymore.

If she wanted to get back to you she would.
she doesn’t value you, she is using you when it suits her.

She needs to discipline her son and get a life. I wouldn’t want to deal with her, very self-absorbed and it won’t end well for her son.

It sounds like her son might be very difficult to cope with. If I were you I would hang on to the friendship. It’s hard to find friends you like, who are interesting and you share a common interest with. Your children won’t be children forever. It would be a shame to lose the friendship.