Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like a single person?

4 replies

Undatisfied123 · 27/09/2024 18:23

Hi,
Just looking for some advice please.

My husband left me 8 years ago for a women 10 years younger and lied about it for a long time. DC were very young at the time 5 and 3. He didn't have the children overnight for 5 years as he was lying about his living arrangements. I threw myself in to being a full time mum and working full time. Luckily my parents are a great help. I found going through the whole divorce process very traumatic.

4 years ago I met a man. He is very sweet and kind and he has 1 son. After the traumatic time I had I certainly wasn't rushing anything and he had been through a very messy divorce 2 years earlier. It suited me at first that we led our own lives but that I also had someone for company.

4 years later I have still have not met his parents and they don't even know about me. They phoned last night to say they were popping in and I had to leave!! We are grown adults in our 40's and don't need to be sneaking around.

When we are together he is lovely but I am well aware that our lives are very separate. I will always put my children first and I like that in him but it is like he is obsessed with his son. He fought hard in court to have 50:50 and I love that he wants to be in his life. Especially as my ex hardly sees my kids. However, it is like an obsession and he plots ways to try and have his son more. His parents are also heavily involved with the boy and I find it very oppressive.

Do I stay in the relationship. I still harbour a lot of hurt and resentment towards my ex which I know isn't healthy but find myself burnt out most of the time juggling the kids and working full time! I am hardly a catch myself! How do I improve my life!

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
loropianalover · 27/09/2024 18:28

they don't even know about me. They phoned last night to say they were popping in and I had to leave!!

This isn’t a relationship. You’re having sex/ a friends with benefits situation. If you’re happy with that, it could work for you and your life! But it sounds like you thought this was a relationship. I think you deserve better.

Pandasnacks · 27/09/2024 18:34

It's not a relationship when you are a secret, does his son no about you?

Applesinautumn · 27/09/2024 18:35

Did he say why he hasn't told his parents? seems ridiculous for a man of that age

RhaenysRocks · 27/09/2024 19:03

I have an arms length relationship with DP of almost a decade. Not dissimilar to you in that we have no desire to blend families, both been badly let down by ex partners etc. But we've met each others parents and kids, we go to each others work functions etc. We're biding our time and both happy with that. Your situation sounds a step beyond that. Ultimately, anyone can conduct themselves in whatever way they like in a relationship and either party is free to leave.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page