Do I spend too much time on the phone?

[BusySquid]

Hi all,
Just had a major blowup with my partner. He thinks I spend too much time speaking with my mum on the phone...

I speak to my mum maybe 1-3 times a day on the phone, usually these calls only last maybe 10mins, sometimes shorter as she will just call to tell me something she'd forgotten to tell me on the previous phone call. Me and my mum have always been close and spoke regular so I'm not sure why this has now become an issue in the almost 10 years I've been with partner...

Today he blew up because he came downstairs and I was on the phone to my mum and sister - they wanted the xmas list for daughter. He'd just woken up and wanted to speak to me about the planes flying above our house.

Am I being unreasonable?

YABU - Get off the bloody phone
YANBU - Ignore him

No I don't think that's too much if that's your relationship with your mum.

I do wonder what you were expected to do about the planes flying over your house though!

I don't think you should be letting in the internet decide how to handle this.

I think you need to talk to him about it and hear why's he had that reaction. And then work out from there what you want to do or not do about it.

What's the rest of your relationship like with him?

I couldn’t handle living with someone who averaged three calls to their parent a day.

What’s he like otherwise? Is he controlling?

I don’t think this is too much if it’s the sort of relationship you and your mother have.

He wanted me to confirm they weren't planes preparing to go to war with Russia. Our relationship is rocky at times, he struggles with his mental health but refuses to get help. He also has an alcohol addiction, again refusing to get help for it.

My reaction to his outburst was probably out of proportion, it's the one year anniversary of a very close loved ones passing so I'm not feeling quite myself.

3x a day is strange to me - I think if I called my mum 3x a week she’d wonder if I was ok. We only spoke this frequently in the throes of new baby stress. That said, him blowing up is unnecessary.

Well, then it’s nothing to do with your relationship with your mother, it’s his poor MH causing him to be paranoid. What’s in this for you if he’s an alcoholic and delusional, and won’t get help for either?

Well your update is even stranger!

Are you with RAF?

And no wonder you speak to your mum 3 times a day if you're living with an alcoholic arsehole with the emotional range of teaspoon!

Is this really what you want for yourself?

Do you have kids?

People have different levels of speaking with their families…it sounds like it’s more like 1 time with added calls to update you about something. And they’re not exactly long calls either. I think your partner needs MH help and he’s taking it out on you because you weren’t immediately available to soothe his worries.

Have you posted about this before OP?

I think it's a lot but you don't, so it's up to you.

If you were a man speaking to his mum on the phone 1-3 times a day, the ridicule on MN would hit peak level.

Everyone would be typing 'Mummy' instead of 'Mum' and he'd be accused of being a Mummy's boy, giving everyone 'the ick'.

If you and your mum are happy, it's really none of his business.

Just read your update OP.

If you're married to a mentally unwell alcoholic who refuses to get help, you probably need to be close to your mum!

Don't let him decide how often you get to speak to her.

The spoon comment made me giggle. I am not part of the RAF, the planes do go over our house quite a lot.

I haven't posted about this before, and we do have children, well one child together and sometimes his other children visit us - I don't plan on having anymore with him. Or ever actually.

I love him to bits and he's a great person when he isn't in this state of mind but lately he seems to have more off days. I think it could be to do with me going back into education.

I was just curious to if others thought I was being unreasonable speaking to my mum so often.

I think it could be to do with me going back into education.

Or his poor mental health and alcohol addiction?

I speak to my mum once every couple of months and we are on the phone for 3+ hours. My aunt calls granny every morning for about 20 minutes and they may call each other a few times throughout the day with practical things (i.e. "I am in the shop and they have X on sale, do you need any?"). Neither is particularly strange in my family. I often call instead of texting and I don't think anyone would find it strange if you texted your mum 3 times a day. Same thing, really.

Yes, exactly! Why on earth would you take responsibility for his failures to seek professional help with his own multiple problems?

You speak to your mum 3x a day? What do you have to talk about?! I don't speak to mine more than 3 times a year.

Oh yes, I understand his poor mh and addiction are probably the root cause of most of his behaviour but his recent spiral might be because of the change.

I only see my mum maybe once a month depending on when she can get over as I don't drive. I also ring my partners dad every other day but he doesn't have a problem with this.

Cos you'd find it annoying/ needy?
I probably speak to my mum more a few times a week and see most weekends, due to being long term single..
I doubt I'd be ringing in front of a partner.

3 x a day would be out of boredom/ lonely I'd say. If just an average week

Why wouldn't you ring your parent in front of your partner? I wouldn't be with a partner who had issues with it.

My Dad calls me daily and sometimes 3x a day if he’s forgotten to tell me something. He’s old and on his own but even if he wasn’t, it’s a weird thing to get upset over. My husband doesn’t bat an eye.

That's not the flex you think it is.