To think that I have completely blown up my life

[itsgoodtobehome]

I quit my job unexpectedly earlier this year. It was a final straw act after my narcissistic, bullying and downright awful Manager verbally abused me over a 'mistake' that I didn't even make. It was a bit of a rash move on my part, but I was in a terrible state.

Fast forward, and I am in the process of taking them to a tribunal for constructive dismissal and it's currently in the legal process, but that's a whole other thread.

In the meantime I am obviously looking for a new job, but it's been so much harder than I expected. I've had a lot of interviews, but no offers. Constantly getting to the final 2, but not being the successful candidate. It's been quite soul destroying, as I am pretty senior and have a lot of experience, but I can't seem to convert this into a job offer at a similar level.

I have finally been offered a job, but it's about half my previous salary. I'm going to have to take it, as money is running low, and I don't know whether I will get a settlement from my tribunal case. I know a job is better than no job, but I can't help feeling really deposndent that I have ended up in this position, all due to someone else's behaviour (who, by the way, is still sitting pretty in their £100k+ job despite an independent investigation finding them 'guilty' of bullying and harrassment).

I just feel degraded and humiliated that this is the only job I can get and I'm going to be significantly worse off financially (although still able to cover all necessary payments).

So, YABU: you should be greatful to have a job and view it as a step back on the ladder after a traumatic time, and into a less pressured job
YANBU: yes, it's humiliating to have to take a job that probably pays less than a lot of the people I previously managed were earning.

Please be gentle, but also honest, as I'm feeling a bit battered at the moment.

It always seems easier to find a job when you are already in a job!

Take the job and keep applying.

And be kind to yourself as you recover from your previous role.

I think you're perfectly entitled to feel both ways. I do think a new start will be good for you, and help to build up your confidence - and it might not be forever, just a half step in the right direction.

Do be aware that some of what your earn between now and any tribunal will be deducted from the final award.

Take the job. It's the right thing to do. Take something where you can feel confident you are an amazing value proposition for them, rebuild your confidence and show the tribunal at the same time that you have tried to mitigate the impact on you but still that this was profound.

Eventually you may want to go back up the ladder but you have the best chance of doing so by doing the work at this stage. Think about what you really need, and if a settlement offer is put on the table the night before a tribunal date, it would hardly be the first time that had happened...

God love you, of course yanbu. Take it, take a break from applying for a bit, then try again. But anyone would feel the same in your position. Good luck with the tribunal.

Now that I'm retired, I can see that my comittment to my clients stood in the way of complaining about the bullying that I experienced by one of my seniors.
I was unwilling to leave them with the difficulties that we were unravelling together, and I didn't want to leave the student that I was mentoring to her thinly-disguised racist bullying. The student and I stuck it out and he passed his placement with flying colours.
I spoke to my supervisor about it and she said a version of "Don't rock the boat." The student is now in a prestigious senior position and the retired senior is still an unhappy person.
Keep going and I'm sure that you will rise back to the top again!

You need to reframe your mindset.

Your post reads as if you think you are better than the role you have been offered- which in all likelihood is the case. It might rub your colleagues up the wrong way if they sense this. You'll need to draw on all your senior experience to mask this and craft a narrative in your mind that this is only an interim step.

It does absolutely suck to be in your position. But you have an offer. Take it. Build on it. Move forward.

Take the job and keep looking for another one. This is just a blip on the radar of your life. You either choose to be grateful for this new job, choose to do good work while you're there, or you lament that you're too good for this job and languish with a defeatist attitude. Your choice.

Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forward. Take it for now and then reassess/

I think it might help to reset the time frame on this. If you only quit your job " earlier this year", chances are you're what - 6 months down to e line? That's nothing! If you take the long game, think where you may be in 18 months. This new job is only a first step on that road. See it as a starting opportunity not as the end result. I would imagine that within a few months of being in role, you'll be given a promotion of sorts and off you'll go!

Not read all the comments but just a flag that employment tribunal claims need to be submitted 3 months less one day after the last event - you don't say when you left your previous role but wanted to let you know!

Take it and look for next job too. Tribunals for constructive dismissal can be had to win I think.

Neither of your options is right. It’s entirely reasonable to be disappointed about how hard the job search is and reasonable to be gutted by what your went through (and are going through) with tor previous job. You don’t need to be grateful for the job offer. They need someone to do work - you are someone who can. It’s good for both parties.

When you had your higher paying career - did you think that people on lower incomes were lesser people than you? That they were somehow unworthy of respect? Did you think they should feel humiliated by their job?

Because unless you did - why would you think you should feel humiliated?

Completely get that it sucks to be so hard to find a job at the level where you were previously employed. But there’s nothing shameful about having a job! There’s a job on offer - take it. I hope you have great colleagues and you enjoy the work. You don’t hand to stay forever. Maybe it’ll be good to have a bit less stress while the legal stuff is finalised. And having some income that covers essentials, and hopefully a safe work environment, will help reduce your stress. Not needing to job hunt urgently will also help make things less stressful.

good luck

Yes, I wish people realised this (although I can understand how the OP was at the end of her tether and it is much easier said than done).

I remember saying this to a colleague who was desperate to leave the firm we worked at. She did resign without having a new job to go to and when I saw her a couple of years later she told me I was right and she wishes that she had listened.

Perhaps with all this going on a lower level is what you need.

You were good at your job. Your experience and potential will shine. Rebuild your confidence rather than throwing yourself in at too high a level.

Of course the money isn't great but try and stay positive. If you have a strong case then there's a good chance you'll be successful.

It's easy to get stuck in thinking about what they've taken from you but perhaps you'll still get to take back and you can go in directions that might previously not have been open to you.

Ultimately you can dwell all you like on the unfairness of it but the only person you hurt is you.

Good luck.

It's rubbish but it's not forever, just keep looking for better jobs and see this role as a temporary one. It will still look better on your CV than a gap.

Have you searched and applied directly for these jobs or have you tried or thought of going through contacts in your industry or using an agency, a headhunting firm or specialist consultancy to help you navigate your way to a new job at the same level or above?

Have you asked for any information from the interviewers as to how you did and why you nearly but didn't actually get the job?

It could be quite tricky dealing with questions about why you left your previous job and this is where intermediaries may be able to guide and steer you. Did you mention your legal case as that could put prospective employers off in some cases? Not necessarily all but it could be treated as a risk to be managed.

For me as long as it covers the bills and i can do the role thats the main thing but i do need to achieve some savings is my secondary goal.

Thank you. Yes, the tribunal process is all in train. Everything has been submitted and accepted and a date set for preliminary hearing. Lawyers are currently discussing a potential settlement which I'm hoping might avoid the need for the tribunal.

Exactly this. Good look with your ET, hopefully they will settle beforehand.

As others have said I would take the job and keep looking for another one. It is often easier to get a job whilst in a job. I would just keep my head down and get on with it for now.

Reframe this - you got yourself out of a toxic environment, and now you are making a move to a different perspective which will give you some headroom while going through a tricky legal process. Is that what you'd say to a friend?

You’re not being unreasonable but you have to be pragmatic and by taking the job you are acknowledging that. Stick to it for a couple of years then move on.

OP, the fact that you have been unable to replace your previous income will hopefully up the settlement figure, so you may get it back financially.

I do think though, as others have said, you should reframe how you think about a lower paid job. There is nothing humiliating about earning a living, regardless of the pay level, and there is nothing more or less humiliating about a low salary versus a higher salary. There are tons of jobs that are immensely skilled and valuable to society, that earn not much. There are also a bunch of high paid jobs that take no more skill (or less) and are worse than useless to society. A person's worth does not equate to what they earn.

Good luck for the settlement!