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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I wrong

16 replies

Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:07

BIL was served court papers as he owes 30k on maintenance. My DH and myself keep in touch with his ex wife and kids. Nobody from DH side keeps in touch and have actively discouraged BIL from paying maintenance. Anyway SIL had an idea where ex was now living but not exactly. I don't exactly know either but gave her the information I knew. Detective found BIL and served him and now my DH has hit the roof. He said if his brother or family find out there will be murder. That I'm toxic and a shit stirrer and should mind my own business.

OP posts:
Sethera · 27/09/2024 12:11

Personally I think you've done the right thing. He should not get away without paying £30k maintenance! Doesn't he care about his children?

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 27/09/2024 12:14

Of course you done the right thing, I would of done the same, why should children suffer?

MeMyCatsAndI · 27/09/2024 12:15

If anything the BIL is toxic, surely? Your DH & his family are a strange bunch.

Procrastinates · 27/09/2024 12:16

So your husband thinks his brother should get away with not supporting his kids? That attitude would honestly have me questioning my relationship with him!

Original poster
Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:19

DH has tried to get him to pay maintenance. He has told him he needs to pay. DH is afraid of his family, they are horrible. DH is a people pleaser.

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 27/09/2024 12:32

Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:19

DH has tried to get him to pay maintenance. He has told him he needs to pay. DH is afraid of his family, they are horrible. DH is a people pleaser.

If he believes he should pay maintenance then what's the issue?

I'd be going no contact with his family, what a bunch of selfish cf.

Original poster
Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:34

I am no contact. Have been for years. He thinks he should pay but that SIL should have found out where he lived herself and I should have told her nothing. He is close to his brother.

OP posts:
ArrowOfAthena · 27/09/2024 12:35

DH has hit the roof. He said if his brother or family find out there will be murder. That I'm toxic and a shit stirrer and should mind my own business.

DH is afraid of his family, they are horrible. DH is a people pleaser.

he sounds horrible as well

Procrastinates · 27/09/2024 12:39

ArrowOfAthena · 27/09/2024 12:35

DH has hit the roof. He said if his brother or family find out there will be murder. That I'm toxic and a shit stirrer and should mind my own business.

DH is afraid of his family, they are horrible. DH is a people pleaser.

he sounds horrible as well

Indeed. He sounds absolutely vile! He clearly isn't all that bothered his brother's kids are not being provided for by both parents and is more interested in how he looks to others than doing what is right which is a very unattractive trait.

MonsteraMama · 27/09/2024 12:41

I'd be questioning my own marriage if my husband was so morally bankrupt.

Of course he should bloody pay, it's the absolute least he should be doing.

Original poster
Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:41

I totally agree. He is nice as pie to SIL on the phone and agreeing BIL should pay until the shit hits the fan and he wants nothing to do with it. BIL knew this was coming, was told multiple times.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 27/09/2024 12:44

Its not even like you told them his exact address. Of course he shouldn't get away with it. If anyone should be pissed off it's your DH with him for being such a deadbeat dad! You've done nothing wrong.

Original poster
Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:45

BobbyBiscuits · 27/09/2024 12:44

Its not even like you told them his exact address. Of course he shouldn't get away with it. If anyone should be pissed off it's your DH with him for being such a deadbeat dad! You've done nothing wrong.

Exactly. I don't know the exact address. SIL knew as much as I did.

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 27/09/2024 12:49

Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 12:19

DH has tried to get him to pay maintenance. He has told him he needs to pay. DH is afraid of his family, they are horrible. DH is a people pleaser.

Clearly he's only a people pleaser when it benefits him (with a quieter life). I mean, he's not trying to please you, SIL, or his own nieces/nephews is he.

LatteLady · 27/09/2024 13:22

This is not on you, the private detective would have found him through a number of means... I was recently tracked down because I was owed a large sum of money. The chap doing it, did it by talking to my old neighbours, one of whom rang me to ask if I wanted to speak to him, fortunately, I did!

Original poster
Itwasntme25 · 27/09/2024 13:27

LatteLady · 27/09/2024 13:22

This is not on you, the private detective would have found him through a number of means... I was recently tracked down because I was owed a large sum of money. The chap doing it, did it by talking to my old neighbours, one of whom rang me to ask if I wanted to speak to him, fortunately, I did!

Thank you, SIL said they were going to his employer the next day if he wasn't located at the property. He wasn't even located at the property. He was found because of his car being parked there.

OP posts:
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