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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I should have listened to you all!!

11 replies

TheyOnlyThinkWithOneThing · 27/09/2024 04:13

Well I posted a while ago regarding a guy I'd met and was considering/working towards a LDR and then who knows what in the future. Out of the blue he sent me a dick pic which is not something we had discussed/where our relationship/chat was at that time.

At the time I posted it was a resounding "the guy is a creep". Anyway I stupidly allowed him to apologise and talk me round and we continued with our daily contact and plans for me to go out and visit him (flights were already booked).

Not that it makes a difference which country either of us are from but we are both westerners before I get the whole "what do you expect meeting a guy abroad" comments.

Sooooo. I get there and realise I was compromising a hell of a lot but stupidly thought I could look past these issues and allow myself to see if this had any legs. That was until his WIFE turned up unannounced!!

Turns out he had forgotten to tell me about his second wife of 14 1/2 years, along with the 11 other women he was sleeping with around the world (he travels a lot).

This all happened just over a week ago, to say the first few days were so surreal, I was sharing a twin hotel room with "the wife" for those few days until I could fly to a nearby country to stay with a friend until my international flight back home.

Lesson learnt, if he flings his red flags in your face, believe them and run for the hills at the first possible opportunity!!

OP posts:
Angela59 · 27/09/2024 04:16

been there not nice, but I’ve sort of got my own back 😈

TheyOnlyThinkWithOneThing · 27/09/2024 04:19

My revenge was packing my bags whilst he had a go at his wife for letting herself into their home, then jumping in the car with her and never looking back!!

OP posts:
TheyOnlyThinkWithOneThing · 27/09/2024 04:22

The one thing I will say is I have absolutely amazing friends, from those who I've known for years and those I've only known a short while. Every single one of my friends have been nothing short of fabulous making sure I'm doing ok and ensuring me this is all on him and not on me.

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 27/09/2024 04:28

Wow that escalated quickly! Thank God you escaped in time, unlike your impromptu roommate - who unfortunately married him.

I think he's worse than a mere creep. Don't beat yourself up for refusing to acknowledge the red flags, though. It's laudable to want to see the best in people, though I admit it's a fine line between that and gullible naïvete. But you're here to tell the tale, older and wiser, so that is good.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2024 04:45

I bet you’re thanking your lucky stars you found out so soon. That sounds like quite an adventure! You put yourself in a vulnerable position and thankfully neither his wife or he are in any way abusive. His poor wife.

GingerScallop · 27/09/2024 04:47

Pause. You are going so fast my head is spinning. Can we focus on you sharing a room with wife number 2 (he is divorced or a bigamist trying to be a polygamist?). Then wait, you got in the car with wife or he did? oh, talk to us about the 11 women? Does wife no 2 know about them?
Geez, this is more drama that the Real Housewives of ....

TheyOnlyThinkWithOneThing · 27/09/2024 05:05

So I knew about wife 1, divorced 16 years ago but he "forgot" to mention wife 2.

Yep totally lucky that wife 2 was as lovely as she was, especially towards me.

Technically they have already separated as she found out about these other women a couple of months ago but he was trying to win her back and was already starting something with me.

I'm not sure even the real housewives of wherever could write this shit!!

OP posts:
Waitforit7 · 27/09/2024 06:10

You need to start a club and add the other women to it, with any luck he’ll never get laid again. What a piece of shit he is. I’m sorry you went through this, it must’ve been devastating. Don’t beat yourself up about it, lots of people in budding relationships send naughty messages, I don’t consider it a red flag, although as you’ve said your relationship wasn’t at that stage (so I’m assuming you weren’t sleeping together at that point) it was clearly a bit mistimed and he was hoping to quickly escalate things which abusive people do. However it’s not the kind of red flag that would make you think someone’s up to all the shit he’s up to, and you just got very very unlucky meeting a prime piece of shit. I hope you find true happiness with someone decent

Waitforit7 · 27/09/2024 06:12

Narcissists always try to “win someone back” while stocking up and stoking other fires in the background. Their constant need for validation and supply is simply mind boggling, and the amount of disingenuous shit that comes out of their mouths. Thank God you found out about it at this stage

lololulu · 27/09/2024 07:36

That's not revenge. That's letting him off.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 27/09/2024 07:58

That is proper drama.

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