Husband's health anxiety, clashing over childhood illness

[Itfeelslikeatrap]

Husband has health anxiety and he's basically transferring this anxiety onto the kids' health now too. It was bad enough when it was just about him, but now it's a million times worse. Since they were babies, he thought every cough is tonsillitis, every sniffle is covid, every tummy ache is appendicitis.
I don't try to reason with him or down play any more, I just try to stay sort of neutral. The most I will say is " If you feel they need to see the GP you should bring them" This used to work but doesn't anymore. He wants me to panic with him I think? And he gets furious when I won't. Tbh I actually don't know what he wants. It's draining. And I'm afraid he'll turn the kids into hypochondriac. Any insights anyone? What do I say/ do??
Btw I have tried to talk to him in the past about his health anxiety and he refuses to talk about it. He thinks he's just more prone to illness than the average person

He wants me to panic with him I think? And he gets furious when I won't.

This is abuse and your marriage won't survive it. You will not be able to keep living with him and maintain your own mental well-being, and the impact it could have on your kids could damage their lives forever. It's untenable.

I would be telling him that he either gets help for his anxiety immediately, or you are going to be forced to rethink your relationship.

The first reply nailed it

Ok. That's what I was afraid of tbh. I name changed for this as it does feel like a trap. I just can't say the right thing. And I am really worried that my kids will be damaged. I keep thinking of the little boy in the secret garden, locked in, too " sick" to go out.

My father had health anxiety and passed it on to me, I had counselling for it a few years ago and everything stemmed back to my childhood. For the sake of your kids he needs to nip it in the bud and get some help, I promise you it will affect them later on.

I have to say my ex husband was like this and it was one (though probably not the main) reason why I left him.

Its really manipulative.

In my ex’s case it was invariably my job to pander to it as well: he would identify these apocalyptic situations in relation to my DD’s health (the issue was asthma) and demand second, third and fourth opinions but then never be prepared to do anything about it: it was always up to me to find the time and inclination to deal with it and if I didn’t I was not putting her first etc.

I don’t know what to say except that you need to make clear it’s not going to be something you will indulge.

@Thepeopleversuswork That's it exactly. If I'm not climbing aboard the panic bus I clearly don't love them/ am heartless /
It does feel like I'm being manipulated. I guess maybe he gets so angry because he wants me to do the leg work ( as usual)

@Sugarplummama It's definitely generational. He gets it from his mother. Weirdly she only passed it on to her sons. Her daughters don't have the same affliction.