Confused With SS

[MatterOfSymphony]

NC for this but I have posted a more in depth post about this situation before during my pregnancy. I can share this post if necessary as i dont want to drip feed but also dont want to rewrite an essay about issues. Any views or advice would be appreciated.

Context. DC is 6 weeks old. I've not been with their dad since I found out I was pregnant. He has had no involvement other than attending my 20 week scan. He is not on the BC and i have not and will not claim CSA. Ss have been involved since early stages of pregnancy for reasons not to do with this child. I have raised concerns about ex's potential as a parent to ss. His risk remains unassessed by ss.

My issue is contact. As mentioned I have raised concerns about ex's ability to parent my child due to what I observed during/after the relationship, his behaviours and comments he's made. Ss have continuously stated that the decision for contact and how that would look is solely mine. However they have also stated that if I was to go ahead and facilitate contact then my own parenting and risk management would be brought into question, possibly placing the care of DC at risk. They've specifically stated all contact must go through and be agreed by them. I have this in writing.

This is really confusing me because they keep referencing that it is my decision about contact and are only telling ex that too which he is allowing him to harass me and try to pressure me into giving him contact which is stressing me out.

Why are they saying that it's up to me but I'd raise concerns if I was for e.g to arrange a coffee as contact between ex and DC at some point? What am I actually supposed to do here?

Just to add they've had 2 appointments together and the assessments haven't been started yet as far as im aware. They are very vague when i ask about these appointments and what their views are. They again keep saying it's up to me to make those decisions regarding contact but their assessments still need done. However they are telling him its purely my choice why he's not having contact and nothing about the assessments needing done first which in my eyes is them intentionally placing me at risk from him as it just looks like I'm being unreasonable.

I guess the only outcome is being forced into a court contact battle at some point to reduce the risk of my own parenting being judged for no reason.

My inclination is to make a formal complaint.

From what you have said the SS will take child protection issues if your child has contact with their father.

In which case they need to be telling him, that its there decision that he should not be allowed contact. They need to own this decision.

Ultimately ss cannot TELL you what you're allowed to do with your child, they have no legal right, so they can't tell you not to allow contact. All they can do is tell you that if you allowed contact they'd have concerns about your ability to keep your child safe. You then make your decision based on what they are telling you.

@YourSnugHazelTraybake I had understood that much, that its more a leading recommendation to basically say it is ultimately my choice but imply they wouldn't recommend it. What is frustrating and confusing me though is that they are telling me that if I allow contact, even supervised, that my own parenting and risk management would be deemed a potential concern and a risk in itself.
However they aren't telling him all of that information and are implying to him that I'm denying contact for no reason, knowing there was forms of emotional abuse/manipulation in the relationship, all its doing is leading him to harass, threaten and even attempt to pressure me into meeting him to give him contact.

I'm obviously mainly questioning contact until assessments are done etc because of the concerns of his risk but also now with the added pressure that I might have my child took off me if I even entertain the idea isn't really fair. If he was to take this to court I would just look like a knob for no reason.

You have it in writing. Photographs it, email him and copy them in. State that 9n the basis of the attched advice from socia services, you will not be facilitating contact and he needs to go to court. You will not engage with him an further, ony his solicitor, and if necessary you will seek a restraining order. Then block.