To refuse to cover ex's debt?

[Leasi]

My STBXH has accrued £2,000 in service charge debt as he hasn’t paid since January. He didn’t inform me that he had stopped making payments until I received a letter from the debt collectors 2 weeks ago (the land management company has handed the case over to debt collectors). He’s demanding that I give him £1,000 now to cover this or claims my water supply and other utilities could be cut off - although not sure how as all bills are on my name?

Currently, I’m already paying 50% of the mortgage and service charge, plus 100% of all household bills. I’m also solely responsible for 100% of the childcare and all financial costs for our DC who's 5 as he has chosen not to be involved.

My job is currently unstable due to uncertainties in the sector. He knows I have £5,000 in savings, but this is meant to cover me and DC if my income stops entirely until I can find other work.

There's also no guarantee he'd use the £1k to pay for the debt.

It feels incredibly unfair that he voluntarily quit his job, moved to another country, and is likely working cash in hand. He managed to go on 4 holidays this year, with one lasting over 4 weeks. To make it worse, he’s been boasting about it, sending pictures and videos to our child (the only time he contacts DC), and frequently changing his WhatsApp profile photo to show off.

Ok so he would have gone through a broker to get that mortgage- do you know which broker? If so contact them and explain the situation and get them to check if the mortgage is in arrears and confirm the details so you can make direct payments. You can also go through a debt charity such as step change and explain the situation and see if they can get in touch with accord. Finally here are 2 bits of the website that will help you pay directly should you have the account number somewhere on a statement etc. Good luck- don't pay him another penny and ignore his threats. Ideally block his number after telling him moving forward you'll only be dealing by email.

Thanks for clarifying. He mentioned that the service charge will increase to £300 per month in January, up from the current £130. I suspect he may have arranged for the debt to be added to the upcoming service charge and is trying to get the £1,000 from me for his own use. I'm unsure what to believe at this point, but I know I won't be sending him £1,000.

Ah I see, sounds like he's telling you more lies then. Good luck 👍

@Itsmahoneybaloney Thank you so much for this valuable advice. I really appreciate you sharing all of this information.❤

I have no useful advice but just wanted to say good luck with everything. He sounds like a nightmare. ☹️

@Itsmahoneybaloney might be right. I don’t have much experience with service charge debt.

However, it might be worth trying to speak to somebody. You may not be able to though.

(I was once called by a DCA about an outstanding debt but I couldn't come up with the right address to pass security, so they wouldn’t even tell me what the debt was for or who it was with so I could confirm if I recognised it. I never heard from them again so can only assume it was another Storming Norman).

If you can’t negotiate a longer payment schedule with them, pay them £250pm direct and deduct it from what you give the ex. That covers the £1000 he has for. Reiterate that you have already paid your share of the service charge so this is a “loan” from this years costs which he’ll need to cover.

Be aware that it's a legal obligation to pay the service charge and by not paying it, he risks the freeholder taking legal action and he could ultimately forfeit the lease (i.e. lose ownership of the flat) if it goes to court. This is an expensive process for the freeholder to follow (due to legal costs) but it happens. So he's putting your entire home at risk.

You really need to get out of there asap and leave him to his financial mess. Do you have any friends or family that you could stay with?

You need proper legal advice. If you can't afford a solicitor, go and speak to Citizens Advice.

The mortgage company must be sending letters open the letters to see if the mortgage is being payed. If it is just keep paying your share. If it's not then STOP paying anything to him!. Save your money and wait for the mortgage company to repossess the property. It will take ages for them to do so. When they repossess, you use your money to buy somewhere else on shared ownership!.

Could you afford weekly rent on something small like a studio flat or granny flat? Is there much equity? Is it worth going to court or would you be better off to stop paying him anything and save up then move out when it's repossessed? Could you move in with family and find a new job? I'd be looking at any options that could get you out of this situation asap and unless he can show you where all the monies been going and that the mortgage is being paid I would seriously consider not giving him anymore money at all.

It sounds like he can't be trusted that he'll do as he promises with any money you give him.

I wouldn't pay him a penny more and tbh I'd save future payments as it sounds like you and the kids will end up without a home in the near future however much you pay so you'll be better off with a greater cash cushion.

I agree. You might be better off saving your money until you are evicted.

Call his bluff. It’s his asset so it’s him who would be losing the value of a house. I don’t think he would really go through with this.

Send him a pdf of the money you have been paying him, reminding him that you have already been paying 50% of the service charge and asking where that money has gone.

If you are in the U.K., you need to go through CMS for child maintenance, and make a Universal Credit application.

You need to stop paying him money as what if he stops paying the mortgage. Save the money for a deposit for somewhere where you can live in peace.

you need to read up on baliffs and what rights they have to take stuff from your house as payment. Is the car solely in your name?

make a plan to leave this house. Don’t be bullied by him. It’s his debts as in his name alone. Stop paying his mortgage as say it’s in lieu of child support.

If you went to court to sort finances out, I think the debt would be seen as a joint marital debt. And your savings would be seen as a joint marital asset. Both would be included and considered in a financial settlement.

if you (roughly) look at a court starting from a 50/50 split of assets and liabilities that’s a good position to think of as your “worst” possible outcome. They will though consider where the children need to live to be “adequately housed” and will also consider future income for child maintenance (and possibly spousal depending on the financial balance between the two of your) and whether giving you a higher percentage would allow for a clean break divorce (ie no future payments).

So, as annoying as this is, and even though it is his name on the lease and therefore you would think he is solely liable, the divorce courts probably won’t see it that way.

I know it sucks, but I know of cases where the husband has spent a fortune on gambling etc, but the marital assets were used to pay it off on divorce.

It might be worth using some of your savings to find a mediator or solicitor who would take you through divorce options and how to achieve a financial order quickly.