How do I stop my 4 year old having tantrums and being grumpy

[applecrumbbs]

I'm sitting here, thinking about the school pick up I need to do in a bit...

I'm already dreading it.. why you ask ?

Because I know what's coming. Yesterday I took my daughter ( 4 ) who's just started school, to the park after school. Today I can't take her as it's raining.

I will get hell for not being able to take her. She's going to cry and stomp her feet and be moody for ages.

Yesterday I took her, she was happy we stayed for over an hour. She played with another girl, also 4. The other girl left with her father, no issues. When it was time for us to leave, big issue. My daughter was crying and upset.

It's always the way. It's better than when she was 2. But it still happens.

Next week I have parents evening. In the previous parent's evening, I was told she struggles to listen sometimes. Struggles with sharing. ( this was last term at her preschool ( same place she's now at reception ). I have seen her behaviour improve at home, but she does have her moments and I'm dreading what they're going to say next week.

I just want to hear something nice. I asked the teacher how she's doing on the second week and I got feedback she didn't want to sit on the mat assigned to her, but wanted another coloured mat. They had struggled in the first week, every time they needed to sit on the mat because she didn't want to sit on the assigned mat. But it had got a bit better since the first week.

I'm a good mum. I'm calm, I'm fair. I adore my daughter more than anything. I give her consequences to misbehaving. But when I see some of the other children and the way they just seem to follow all instructions and don't have melt downs etc - I do worry about my daughter and I wonder when she's going to get it ? Or am I just expecting too much from my child ? Not all children are obedient model students at 4, surely that's normal in some cases ?

SEN has not been suggested yet by the school or preschool / nursery.

@Lanzarotelady it sounds like you haven't parented or known any children for which colour choice would lead to an outburst, so this would suggest that at least some of the 30 kids don't need to choose. It's being suggested that the one or two that do, are allowed to.

@applecrumbbs You have a 4yo who tantrums.
The other reception parents probably don't.

It's not a reflection on you, you have to parent the child you have. Really try not to think about what the other parents are getting told, focus on how you and school can help your child.

It sounds like she is dysregulated at these moments, so I would look up ways to co-regulate a 4 year old. It might be getting down to her level and naming the emotion - I know, it's so hard when we have to leave the park. Then giving a big hug. Either way, giving her ALL the food before you leave to go home is definitely worth a try.