To ask how to run the house once back to work

[watermelonsugarr]

I'm back to work after Mat Leave in a couple of weeks and sitting down with DH to work out how we can manage everything between us.

I'll be out of the house from 7.45-5.30pm 3 days per week, with all children home with me on my two days off.

He will be out of the house from 8am-4pm ish 5 days a week. He will have some time home alone after work each day so I'm thinking he will need to use that time to try and keep on top of things at home.

I will do all nursery drop offs and pick ups.

How does it work in your house holds? Currently I do 100% of all house work/food shopping/washing (which feels like a monster of a job!) tidying etc as I'm home during the day. I seem to manage ok and tend to send DH and the kids out for half a day on a weekend currently to get some stuff done but not sure I'll want to do this when I'm back to work as the time will be precious.

We have a cleaner once every other week for 3 hours so the house gets a really good clean then and needs just a bit of cleaning in between.

We want to work out a system that works and feels fair so just wondering how other people manage to keep a clean and tidy home and have clean clothes and good meals and not be resentful of each other!

Well first thing is adjust your own standards. He needs to do things himself without you holding him to high standards or being critical. He should be using his extra time st home to do laundry, washing up / dishwasher, cook dinner, tidy up.

We have a weekly cleaner and do online shopping, which saves us a good 2-3 hours per week. If you haven't used it before it might seem to take the same amount of time at the beginning, but once you understood the app you are using it's really incredibly convenient.
We also tend to take turns on tasks: for the last 6 years we have been doing bath/bedtime on alternate days. While one baths the child/reads the story etc the other one cooks dinner/empties or loads the dishwasher/folds and puts away the clothes/load the washing machine/takes out the rubbish/etc.
To be more specific:

• we both cook
• laundry is almost entirely my task, with exception of everyone putting away their own folded clothes
• dishwasher loading and unloading is mostly DH's task
• taking rubbish out is mostly DH's task
• changing beds is my task

Of course there are exceptions to the rules and if something needs doing and the other one is late/tired/sick/away the other one takes over.

I don’t know how you do anything with 1 year old twins and a 3 year old all at home, especially when the twins will be running around and napping stops. I would have non existant expectations for those days.

online food shopping
daily wash and put away
daily joint tidy once they’re in bed
batch cooking at the weekends
changing sheets at the weekend

I would treat it as though you both work full time as your days ‘off’ are not off at all!

With a cleaner doing three hours there shouldn't be too much other cleaning.

Someone cooks, the other person clears up/stacks dishwasher.

One parent is responsible for morning/drop off, the other responsible for evening/pick up- on different days. It enables the other parent to be able to go in early or stay a bit later at work.

Encourage the kids to put things away when they have finished*. Regularly declutter their stuff and make sure there is somewhere to actually put things.

*I never really cracked this one but DDs did respond to putting on music and making it fun/a competition/a limited time. I used to have a "getting dressed race" with DD2 as the only way to get her to put her clothes on. DD1 used to hate having her teeth cleaned unless we played dentists, or the very patient cat did it (vaguely holding toothbrush in wriggly cat paw)

Have shoes ready on a rack in the hall or similar (we were always looking for one lost shoe when trying to get out to school)

One parent gets an uninterrupted lie and breakfast in bed in on Saturday and one on Sunday. That kept us sane when DDs were small. Though I had to work on what "uninterrupted" meant with DH.

Only wash things that actually need washing and spread it out throughout the week rather than trying to do everything on a Saturday morning.

Get the shopping delivered.

Get a second set of car seats!

Cleaner needs to come weekly.

Washing can be done on your two days home.

H needs to plan and cook meals on weekdays. You can do weekend meals.
You can clean up and wipe down the kitchen while he bathes the DCs, then you can both do reading, feeding baby, etc.
Preferably, batch cook on weekends so there isn't this huge burden hanging over you.

Garden and maintenance - get low maintenance landscaping, use wood chips or pebbles to keep weeds at bay. See to issues with your house as soon as possible.

Get a white board or app where you can both keep track of supermarket items you've run out of or are running low on, or house or garden maintenance/ DIY that needs to be done.
Don't keep lists in your head.
Don't keep separate lists.

Groceries need to be delivered, unless you particularly like bringing the DCs shopping (I always liked this, plenty of women hate it).

Keep a family calendar, either on a kitchen wall or shared app, where all schedules are shared, including events like doctor/ dentist visits, school events, birthday parties, visits from relatives, outings, etc.

Get a chest freezer.

Get a tumble dryer.

Build in time off for both of you, separately - could be exercise, manicure, hobby, meet up with a friend. This could be weekly for each of you.
Build in couple time - can be squeezed in daily when the DCs are in bed or find a babysitter and go out together.

You need to rationalise this - buy more clothes if the DCs are running out of clean clothes. You will need more storage too.

You need a dryer if you don't already have one.

With three under 3, it's hard to keep up, but one way to keep from drowning in laundry is to only wash clothes that are really soiled. If something can live to fight again, dress a DC in it a second day.

If you have a dryer, then clothes can be washed all at same temp, no need to sort and do different cycles) dried, and put away without depending on weather, keeping an eye out for rain, or all the carrying in and out and pegging up.

If you get your cleaner weekly instead of every two weeks, she could do bedding and towels as part of her remit.

Mine are ancient, I want to upgrade them but will wait until they die - saving up for a roborock though! (Hoover and mop system)

Dh plans food & shops for our household.
we do laundry together at the weekend only.
I do most of the rest. It feels even cause food and shopping is such a big job.

Sorry didn't want you to feel guilty. Just practically I've noticed the longer a kids day is, the more dysregulated they are.
I'd rather take them for a morning session on your non-work day (9-12) and let them get home at a reasonable time on the other days. Then you can use that non work day to catch up. But yeah sorry about you feeling bad, it's just the we don't always thi k about how long their days are

Good thread. I have recently gone from 2 days a week to 4 and it's completely thrown me out. My Dcs are older though and at senior school. I plan to use Fridays to catch up hard. And a non-negotiable 30 minutes 'putting the kitchen and sitting room to bed' after dinner.

But watching for tips.

Fresh pasta and pesto
oven fish and baby potatoes
stir fry
repeat

get everything delivered
get a robot cleaner - my eufy one is good
get a heated airer or tumble dryer

Might be insurance on a work van? I have no idea. My neighbour, who works for himself, has a car seat in his van, but it's his van.

How lovely that you’ll both be home every day for the bedtime routine! That’s going to make things way easier than if it was solo (I have 3 kids too and my god it’s hard on your own at the moment!). I try and wipe round the bathroom while the kids are in the bath, or if it’s OK I do my skincare at that time! Just a tip.

He can easily bung on a load of washing in the morning and then move it to the tumble or hang it up when he gets home. Alternate who cleans up after dinner etc. Robot hoover. Fold clothes together at night in front of the telly. Alternate who cooks maybe.

I do an Ocado shop on a Sunday, meal plan for the week, two of those include easy dinners such as soup and sandwiches, and a slow cooker meal. Buy and cook according to the plan. Freeze extra portions where possible.

It doesn’t have to be totally militant to keep things ticking along, in reality the chances are you’ll slip into a momentum nicely.

DH does the early wake with DD(2) and does drop off and pick up as he wfh and I work in an office. I usually make breakfast and he usually does dinner. Who ever doesn't make the meal cleans up kitchen after. I do all the washing and bathroom cleaning, we try and tidy before bed. Once a fortnight we batch cook something for freezer eg moussaka. DH puts bins out and does a lot of the garden. That's broadly it! Bedtime we share as a rule.

This sounds entirely sane.

This is basically how it is. Even now with them all much older if I don’t do one a day and hang it to dry it all goes to shit at some point!

We have quite a routine to plan our weeks and manage everything. It honestly feels like a miliary operation!
I work 30 hours (830 to 230) my DH 40 hours (mainly 9-5 office days). 2 kids - one 7 in school (including breakfast club) and the other 2.5 in nursery (7.30-5pm mainly)
As I work less hours I do more cooking, cleaning, shopping but mostly we treat everything that is not us working (cleaning, cooking, kids activities, household things, kids related things, DIY, family admin) as one pot and it works out as 50% each really in the end.

Mon - Thurs - I do all drop off and picks ups
Fridays - DH does both.
I go to the gym 2 mornings (6am not fun) a week and DH goes 2 evenings a week.
Shopping is done by me on a Friday (as its DH pick up day)
Kids Activities - weekdays for DS most are covered by DH to be fair on his non gym days. I have DD in those times. Weekends we divide and concur - 1 child each per day.
Cleaning - I have a rota of what needs cleaning each day. I've split it out into manageable sections. e.g. Kitchen one day, bathroom another for instance. A couple of easy to clean area together. Sometime I might try to blitz the whole house at the weekend if there is time (works every 6 weeks or so). Sometimes I do it in the time between collection DS from school and DD from nursery (usually an hour) or sometimes after they go to bed. Biggest thing is keeping on top of tidying daily. Makes it 100 x easier to clean. I basically never leave a room empty handed or go to bed with things messy.
Washing - usually one load every 2 days. Put on before work. Hang up when I get back or DH does it if WFH that day. Its then dry (or goes in the tumble dryer) in time for the next lot. Putting away always before the kids go to bed (usually in the time between out of the bath and reading stories(

I'm counting down to my cleaner next year (when DD gets more free hours at nursery) so I can elimate cleaning from my rota and just do light everyday cleaning.