To report to their manager

[Judgy1]

I have a number of mental and physical health issues that affect one another, I am disabled by them and I have insomnia due to these. I am also autistic. I have chosen not to take medication because I don’t want additional side effects to the many ones that I already experience and I don’t want to do damage to any organs or other parts of my body from being on them long term. I need to decompress for at least a few days after speaking to someone.
I get mental health support from professionals twice a week and I try to prioritise working on that and using my energy for the basics, and a hobby for a short time if I can manage on top of that but barely. I’m in the UK but I didn’t get a formal education which I consider to have been child neglect that went undetected as it was under “unschooling” which is somehow legal, so I am currently working with a tutor funded by the council to gain qualifications. Our meetings are currently about once every 2-3 weeks because I can’t manage to do it more often on top two hourly meetings a week with my mental health support workers. I am also working with someone that will help me gain life skills and employability skills, but due to everything else I have taken on, these meetings are about once every 3 weeks to a month because that is what I can manage. Everyone I work with is aware of my health issues and how they impact me and that sometimes I need to reschedule. My last meeting with my employability skills worker was over a week ago, our next one is in two weeks and I have had two reminders asking me if I have done the work and to send it to her. After the second reminder I explained to her that I am currently burned out and prioritising working myself out of it so that I don’t lose all ability to function and her 3rd email in response to it reads “Our next meeting is booked for (date), please can you aim to have this completed by then so we can move things forwards?”. I am thinking about speaking to their manager but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable

Sorry, I think you're being unreasonable?

Why do you think all medications will cause you long term damage?

I used to be a shell of a person who was scared of leaving my house. 10 years later and after finding the correct medications I'm now a functioning adult with a car and a mortgage. This never would have been possible without medication.

I suspect that if you essentially argue your way out receiving this support when you don’t feel you want / are able to engage, they’ll simply agree with you that the service they provide isn’t suitable for you / the service isn’t able to meet your needs at this time and terminate their support to you. They have to schedule around many clients and consider many different needs, so whilst they’ll try to work with you as far as they can, they can’t tailor their schedules around when you feel up to participating.

Edit: and if it’s employability support related to continuing to receive benefits, you being viewed as refusing to engage isn’t going to be helpful to you - especially as they’ll also class you as somebody who refuses to engage properly with health services.

YABU because it is your employability skills worker’s job to ensure that you fulfil the requirements and get done the tasks set. They are probably very used to people leaving it to the last minute or not doing it at all, so you are being encouraged to give yourself enough time to get things done.

If engaging with services is a condition of your benefits you are putting yourself at risk by not engaging. You have received a reasonable request to do what has been asked and agreed.

Refusing to improve your situation by not taking medication won't work in your favour either. If you haven't taken the medication you don't know if you will experience side effects. You are the one that has to improve your health. You can be assessed as being unfit to make these decisions by mental health professionals. Do yourself a favour and engage fully.

So they have asked you to do something repeatedly you know this and you choose not to do it and you want to report them to their managers?

YABU.

There has to be an element of you pushing yourself to engage in order to move forward. You won't make the progress you need otherwise. I understand the burnout but to make a complaint would be very unreasonable. They haven't done anything wrong!!!!

Maybe I haven’t explained properly. I’m not saying I won’t do the work by then, but I didn’t appreciate the 3 “reminder” emails within about a week of the last meeting and implying in the 3rd one that I have been choosing not to aim to get the work to her well before our next meeting even though I have health issues that prevent it. We agreed our next meeting would be in 2 weeks time so I am pacing myself to get it done by then, and being pressured to get it complete is making me feel unwell

I think communication is key.

I assume that this isn’t news to them? I wonder if they don’t fully understand and possibly need to tick that box.

Attend your next meeting and discuss how they can support you to reach your targets.

I work with lots of people in similar situations, I have boxes to tick but also need to understand how to get the best out of the individual so work with them to see how I can best support them. The last thing that anyone wants is complete disengagement, so it’s important to communicate.

Do you have anyone to advocate for you?

They're only doing their job

being pressured to get it complete is making me feel unwell

Just say this.

@Judgy1 You aren't being pressured to do anything. You are being sent a reminder just like anyone else would be. You are free to ignore them and do the work when you are planning to as long as you are doing it before the next meeting, in the time frame agreed.

You've replied making an excuse so you got another reminder of the date in case you had forgotten. There was obviously an agreement that you would do this work and get it to her before the next meeting so the next meeting can progress. Reporting this to a manager will make you feel worse because you will be told you aren't being treated any diffently and be reminded that you agreed to this.

Mate just try the medication at least. This is no way to live! The impact on your organs etc is irrelevant if you can't function day to day. At least try it for 6 months or so before you decide if it works for you or not.

Wouldn't it be simpler to just do it in the first place?

So you just reply, “yes, will do, see you on xxx”

But another vote here for trying the medication. How will you enter the workplace like this? It’s sounds really hard.

There’s a whole world going on out there OP while you’re unable to take part. I’d do what ever I could to join in. Yes it can be hard but there’s a lot of fun to be had rather than have to spend two days decompressing after every meeting.

This- but also wanted to say what amazing services you have in your area.
I don't think there's anything like this in my area. Support with mh, worker for life skills and a worker for general employment, sounds brilliant!

This- but also wanted to say what amazing services you have in your area.
I don't think there's anything like this in my area. Support with mh, worker for life skills and a worker for general employment, sounds brilliant!

OP i work with people like this. On the flip side they tend to be anxious and need this clarification, they are chasing you as it’s annoying them and they struggle to move past it.

Even if I haven’t started the work but will by the time of the meeting I will respond with “it’s drafted and will be ready by the time of our meeting”

Just let them know it’s all in hand and they won’t chase again

Just reply that it's in hand and you'll have it completed by your next session. She's only doing her job.

I think YABU - they aren't being nasty, just doing their job

It sounded to me like your first emails were excuses why it wouldn't be done. A simple "yep, noted, meeting is in my diary and you will have all the prep work beforehand", might have worked better but probably wouldn't. The employability coach job description is pretty much chasing people to do stuff they don't want to!

Try not being such hard work.
be thankful for the amazing support you’ve got, and maybe try replying ‘thanks - I’m feeling overwhelmed but have the aim to have it to you for x date, thanks!’

They will only have so much capacity so may be feeling that someone else would benefit from your spot more if they engage more.

It can be true both that you dislike getting these emails and also that they’re not doing anything wrong by sending them.

I feel for you OP as mental health is often downplayed by those who don't struggle with theirs. However, if you enter the workplace you will inevitably be chased about things, or reminded, like the rest of us so I think you need to find a way to deal with the feelings or reaction that causes.

Another vote as well for trying medication. What you're doing now to cope clearly isn't working so you should be open to alternatives.