Leaving baby alone in another room

[Captaincalamaris]

How long would you hypothetically leave a 4 month old baby on a play mat (not a pen) whilst you were in another room and they were out of sight? Having this argument with DH.

Why ? Do you watch over your baby 24/7, Do you have a sleep rota with your partner ? What do you do with them when you go to the loo. You do not need eyes on your baby every moment of every day and your baby needs to learn to be alone.

This is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. Everybody needs a sounding board sometimes, even "perfectly intelligent" adults. Especially if their instinct on something is being refuted by someone else.

Your condescending attitude is a problem. Someone asking for advice on how to care for their baby - as mothers always have in one medium or another - is doing absolutely the right thing. Is it the fact we are doing it online that riles you up?

Wouldn’t leave them at all on the play mat. He may not be fully rolling yet but at his age it’ll be any day now and you don’t want him flipping over into the sofa leg or coffee table. I would leave them safely contained in a pram, cot or bouncer so long as they within earshot but would still check in every few minutes!

They didn't say they never leave their baby alone at all, they just don't leave the baby alone on the floor.

I’d check every 2 minutes

Mine are all grown up now, but when they were they were that age I would have used a playpen to safely leave in if I needed to go upstairs and get washing etc, not just leave on the floor.

OP, at that age I wouldn't leave alone for more than a few minutes tops, and ideally to go no further than to grab laundry as you were. Asking your partner to bring the laptop downstairs to the baby rather than expect you to come upstairs was extremely sensible and not onerous for him.

I do find though that dads in general seem to educate themselves/absorb that education far less than mothers. I don't think they've received the same social pressures at all. Mine used to scoff at things like not putting baby in a coat while in a car seat, never nipping out of the room when they are IN THE BATH. There's none so confident as a man who's done zero research.

A 4-month-old does not need to learn to be alone.

Not condescending at all and certainly not riled. I feel really sorry for those mothers that are so scared to leave their child for a minute, it is worrying that such pressure it put on them.

I left baby upstairs in her cot to nap from 2 months old whilst I was downstairs, but I wouldn't leave baby on a playmat in a different room for more than a couple of mins, mainly because she'd notice me not there and cry. Definitely put her in a cot or playpen once she's rolling over.

I agree. Why would a 4 month old need to learn to be alone?

The main issue in this case is that the baby, who is of rolling age, was left on the floor. Not that they were left for a few minutes. And it’s not unreasonable that the OP wants a sense check because your newborn isn’t going off the playmat so you could in theory pop to the loo if they’re happy, but there comes a point, which is exactly around the age OP’s baby is now, where you have to start thinking about containment. How many babies get hurt when they surprise they caregiver by making their first roll off the changing table? It clearly isn’t that obvious to a lot of people otherwise those injuries wouldn’t occur.

Well OP specified that there was no playpen to safely leave the baby in so in her example I would maybe pop him into his cot upstairs while I brought down washing etc & then nipped back up to get him or maybe carried both together, with washing in a bag, depending on how heavy / awkward it was.

In reality I used a playpen for these sorts of situations rather than leaving a baby on the floor.

There is a huge difference between leaving a baby on a mat, or leaving a baby on a mat in a contained space e.g. baby play pen. I wouldn't personally leave them without knowing they were contained.

maybe only when I need to go to the toilet

I would have a spot as safe as a cot - so a play pen with a firm base and appropriate toys or a playroom with no dangers.
I would leave the baby for as long as it takes to finish a task - fifteen minutes or half an hour or until baby called for me.
That is if I planned to leave them.
If caught unawares (answering door or getting drink for older child etc.) I would only leave them for a minute or two.

I was told, assured, that my grandson would not roll off the settee and that he could be safely left there while sleeping.

Fortunately I was sitting very close by when he woke up and (for the first time ever) rolled… all the way off the settee.

I did my best goalie dive and managed to catch him before he hit the floor.

The first roll catches many caregivers out. Thankfully my granny spidey senses were at full force that day.

A few minute max. Long enough to get the washing from upstairs, or put the washing machine on

We only have an upstairs toilet and I used to leave mine on our totter and tumble to go upstairs to use the loo so like, 5 mins with dancing fruits on the TV to keep her occupied

In fact I missed her first back to front roll because I was upstairs on the loo

Surely your house isn't big enough that you can't hear them gurgling, laughing or just wriggling about?
You're putting washing away, not going our for a bloody meal!

Same. They would need to be in a safe place for me to leave them such as a bouncer with obviously no access to blankets/toys etc that could suffocate them/choke on.

Regardless of safety - you're looking after a 4 month old, he's sitting on his bum wfh all day. He can come to you.

I have a dog, so no matter how well I know and trust him, one of them will be leaving the room with me if I have to go elsewhere in the house or garden. If baby is happy and chilling in their basket/bouncer for a bit, I’ll take the dog with me. If baby is fussing or grizzling, they can come with me and give the dog a bit of peace

Don’t think I’d ever leave them unattended on a mat as sod’s law that will be the time I discover that they can roll/crawl!

I would have left my DS at that age to grab something from kitchen, grab the washing pile or make a quick tea. Your DH is unreasonable though, In fact I’d be worried about leaving baby alone with him in future if he thinks leaving unattended for 20 mins is fine