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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a card would be nice? And WWYD

10 replies

bludots · 25/09/2024 19:51

DF is pretty wealthy - self employed with a property empire. He does odd jobs and some admin, but otherwise his business more or less takes care of itself (he's constantly off on breaks away or holidays with his wife). Despite his abundance of free time, due to living 100 miles apart we see each other maybe 2-3 times a year now, and that's only if I make the journey down there or if he needs somewhere to stay if he's local to me for some other reason.

DF and I have always had a reasonable relationship, but I have never been his priority, even as a younger child (didn't want 50/50 custody, didn't financially support DM with agreed child maintenance payments). Since my 30th birthday, his efforts for birthdays and Christmas have dwindled to the point that this year, all I got was a text - not even a phone call, let alone a card.

This may not have bothered me so much if it weren't for the fact that his DGC that he's so proud to be DGF of, he didn't even acknowledge their birthday this year.

His birthday is coming up soon - WWYD for it, if anything?

OP posts:
Butterfly43 · 25/09/2024 19:55

I'd do absolutely nothing.

Ladyandherspaniel · 25/09/2024 19:56

Nothing.

Sethera · 25/09/2024 19:56

Send him a text, as he did to you.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 19:57

I’d send him a text like he did to you.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 19:57

Sethera · 25/09/2024 19:56

Send him a text, as he did to you.

Cross posted 😳

Sethera · 25/09/2024 19:57

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 19:57

Cross posted 😳

😃

Ladyandherspaniel · 25/09/2024 19:57

And if he brings it up tell him you thought we had stopped the cards and gifts because he didn't send anything for yours or dc for your birthdays.

bludots · 25/09/2024 20:00

Thanks all. To clarify, this certainly isn't about gifts or money (especially not for me). I was really disappointed when he didn't even wish DC a happy birthday though, especially when in the weeks prior he'd been asking what he could get for them and then did, quite literally, fuck all.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 25/09/2024 20:01

Agree with others. Send him a text. If he questions it then say you thought he was done with cards etc as he didn't get one for you or grandchild.

TooMuchRedMaybe · 25/09/2024 20:28

Sounds like a complete dead beat dad and grandad, I would do nothing. It sounds like he was pretty financially abusive towards you mum too and emotionally abusive towards both of you. I wouldn't want someone like that in my child's life if I were you. I have a feeling you won't miss him, he's just an obligation.

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