To be frugal with money?

[FrugalFannie]

I tend to be very careful with my finances and often find myself avoid spending money unless absolutely necessary. Some friends and family think I’m too tight or overly frugal, while I see it as being responsible and practical. AIBU to prioritise saving and being cautious with money, or should I be more relaxed about spending?

Depends how far you’re going with it really. Can you give some examples family have raised?

I am very frugal in general, have high savings goals so obviously I think it is fine. I still go out though and pay for stuff I enjoy doing so think I have reasonable balance. Do you still have fun with family and friends?

Need more info

I think it's one of those things where ( barring needing to save up for something really important) the ideal is to have a balance.

Well it kind of depends.

If all of your bills are covered and you are saving what seems to be an adequate amount towards your future plans - house deposit, pension, helping children or whatever is appropriate - and there is still some left over, what are you doing with any leftovers. If you are always denying yourself any luxury or treat, even if you could afford it, maybe they have a point.

OTOH if your careful budget means you can do all the above without getting in to debt, but with little leeway, then you have the right of it.

Hard to tell without knowing your circumstances

There's a difference between frugal and tight.
Do you avoid paying your share, or making others have cheap stuff when they don't need to?

I don't have much, but I'm not remotely tight, and I don't make, "frugal", decisions unnecessarily when it impacts on others.

YANBU in general, but as you don't give specifics, you may be being unreasonable.

It depends on how you're living your life. A person who is maintaining a comfortable lifestyle while saving is not being unreasonable. A person who is living off couscous and porridge because they're cheap instead of having a balanced diet made up of food they enjoy is being unreasonable. If you're counting every penny and not allowing yourself any occasional extra for enjoyment, that's likely to be unreasonable.

Perfectly fine to be financially responsible. Can you provide examples especially if family is commenting on this?

Do what you want OP but if people have commented on it is it because you're not paying your share, not buying your round, asking for lifts and not returning favours? All these are things that are often mentioned on MN during threads about stingy people.

It depends on if you're frugal or tight . There are so many variables but one thing is it's no fun being with someone tight , ' you have a meal I'm just having a starter , let's not go to the theatre we'll go to the park with a flask'.

Be careful and responsible is sensible but not ever having treats or totally different spending patterns to friends / family is not fun .

As others have said as long as you're not being tight/not paying your share it's a personal choice. I'm not frugal at all, I don't have debt (except mortgage) but I spend the rest. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow and a lot of the stuff I enjoy costs a lot! My dad likes seeing the money add up in the bank while eating cheap food/never spending. Neither is wrong, just different.

Agree with everyone else - usually if it doesn't impact on others, it's up to you...BUT your use of 'absolutely necessary' is a bit of a red flag. I would say I'm frugal but would describe my attitude as preferring not to waste money/not spending it frivolously rather than not spending ANYTHING unless I absolutely have to. That sounds like the most extreme interpretation of frugality rather than the norm.

'Absolutely necessary' suggests not buying anything at all for enjoyment or happiness, which, yes, technically still your choice but could result in quite a sad, limited life, because really very few things are 'absolutely necessary.'

It could also hold you back in various circumstances. e.g. in work a standard outfit of 2 pairs of black trousers and 2 white tops from primark that you wear every day until they get holes and carrying your files in a tesco carrier bag would meet the standard of 'only what's absolutely necessary' - but you might not be considered as professional as someone who dresses better. Meeting friends - if you're only having water as anything else isn't absolutely necessary they will probably stop inviting you when they go to the cinema, theatre, restaurant...anywhere other than a basic pub.

Technically a tv, laptop, phone etc are not 'absolute necessities' but is sitting at home in the dark every day a life worth living?

also depends - are you prioritising saving for something or just because you don't want to spend money?
Saving for a house, early retirement, etc = sensible
dying with hundreds of thousands in the bank because you were saving 'just because' and never ended up spending it, so it ends up going to the government = depressing and pointless

I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to buy even a bottle of water when we were out for the day. He’d go looking for places who gave him a free glass of water rather than buy a bottle if the water bottle he’d filled at home ran out. He was as tight as a ducks arse! If you’re one of these people who expect friends and family to buy meals out for you etc just so you can save or be a miser not wanting to part with a penny then you’re unreasonable.

I totally get some people can’t afford things if they’re saving for something and that’s perfectly fine, friends and family will understand.

You sound like a tight arse and personally I couldn’t be friends with someone like that.

If you get your round in and you are generous with friends, being frugal is fine.

I also think we need to know more about what they have commented on. I have been known to use a fancy teabag twice to get two drinks out of it (not with the regular tea bags though) and try to make meals last, not waste food, take a packed lunch, not leave water running when brushing teeth, not throwing a pocket tissue away after just one use. These are normal things to preserve money inn everyday circumstances.

However I have also got Netflix, just ordered myself some (used) books, and am going on holiday next week. I go out for meals as long as the food is better than what I could cook at home and I think I have a good balance between spending on things that matter to me and saving on things that don’t matter as much or where I have a knack/ ability to save such as cooking.

the question is: do you feel like you are living a good standard of life within your financial
ability? Or are you saving every penny and not experiencing life as you could be?

Need more info, it depends if you are being frugal or dam right tight.

Being frugal is a good thing but not to the point of a totally miserable life
I have to be frugal but life should be a balance.
Are you frugal or a miser?
There's a difference

Would you avoid going for a coffee with a friend even if you could technically afford it?

Would you keep the heating off to the point where you're uncomfortable even wearing many layers, even though you could afford it on a bit?

Would you eat food that has gone out of date, smells questionable and scrape mould off it even though you could afford to buy a new one?

Would you refuse to either receive guests or attend others homes for fear of spending even a small amount of money on tea/coffee/small gift worth a fiver?

There was a poster a few weeks back who was very very frugal, whose mother had commented on her very scant wardrobe. There are some poverty ‘markers’ that include not having two pairs of shoes, not being able to afford medicines, a roast dinner, etc - if you are denying yourself or abstaining from ‘normal’ things you can actually afford, I think you should look at why.

In general, I think money is for enjoying while you can. I hate tightness and used to get very irritated with my mum when she would scrimp with her food shopping when she had quite healthy savings. She was still being frugal when she died in her mid 90s - what was the point of being careful with her money at that age?