Why do people think I’m older than I am?

[Rizzla]

And how do I not let it bother me?

Without posting a picture of myself(!) I will try and give some context.

I’m 29 but for last 5-6 years I’ve noticed that in certain contexts, mainly at work and in NCT class, people have assumed I’m older, maybe early 30s. I don’t have grey hair or wrinkles and I enjoy clothes/makeup/nice hair and following trends.

I don’t have a round baby face - my face is quite slim and on the longer side so maybe this contributes.

i also got married and had a baby in my twenties so when I talk about my husband and my son I think this makes me seem older.

BUT I can’t shake the fact I probably do look older than my years but I can’t pinpoint what it is or do anything about it. I’m bothered that it bothers me, but I also know how short your twenties are and to be assumed to be in my 30s already is disappointing!!

what do you think makes someone seem older, apart from looks? Thanks

Your 29... you nearly are in your 30s?

Dont let it bother you.

It probably is the husband and kids more than anything else, but you will probably find that having a long, slim face comes into its own as you get older.

I am the same and looked older than I was throughout my teens and twenties, when so many other girls were baby-faced. Now I'm in my forties, I look younger than I am by a good five years.

If you're mature-looking from a young age, you age better.

You’ll be grateful for the long face when everybody else is getting jowls

So they think you’re 2 or 3 years older than you are? Does it matter? It’s almost impossible to pinpoint someone’s exact age!

I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a 29 year old and a 33 year old.

People are likely to assume you're a bit older if you have a husband and kids because the typical age to have children has risen a lot.

People in their early thirties generally don’t have grey hair or wrinkles, either. A 32 year old and a 29 year old look pretty much the same. Nothing dramatic happens when you turn 30.

You’re overthinking this.

I could not tell the difference between someone late teen and early 20s, late 20s and early 30s, late 30s and early 40s, etc.

+/- 5yrs either side is pretty difficult to pinpoint in my opinion. Also, probably not of comfort to you, but a lot of Mumsnet posters seem to think they look 10-20yrs younger, so it’s only fair that some people look older to balance it out!!

If you're mature-looking from a young age, you age better

Yes I think this is true.

One of dh's sisters is like this. She's beautiful but she looked 30 at 18. Just that kind of face. However she's now 40 and could still easily pass for 30!

Thanks everyone. I actually feel better already 😂

I know I’m nearly in my 30s but this has been happening since I was about 24. But maybe it’s more that there’s an age range that people could fall into. I myself am rubbish at pinpointing other people’s ages tbh

That’s very dependent on location- round here you are an old mum if you have your first after 25. 29 is definitely 3 kids and a husband/long term partner territory!

@Rizzla people are just shit at gauging age. Yes some people do look very young or old compared to their age, but most people who are 29 look ‘late 20’s/early 30’s’ and people won’t be able to pin point it further.

Well I was out with my friend and someone said she thought I am in my 50s but I was about 37 so early 30s when you are 29 is ok. 🤣

I suspect most 29 year olds could pass for both 25 and 35, depending on the context.

Maturity level?
How you conduct yourself?
How you carry yourself?
Wardrobe?

When I was in my late 20s/early 30s, I always considered that people mu age were more grown up, they had got married, had children, bought a house etc.

They had just made more life decisions that I had and appeared older. There weren't old, I was just slower.

I do think context is important and your expectations of how old someone should be. I was shocked to find out my manager was only a few years older than me because she’s young to be in a senior position. It had nothing to do with her looks now I think about it

I enjoy clothes/makeup

This might be ageing you. In particular, makeup often makes skin look older.

Absolutely this.

I do also know of people who have looked middle-aged as long as I’ve known them, and it’s only when some proof of their actual age arises, like them retiring, that I realise that they must have been in their 30s when they looked 50, but also, there’s the boon that they’ve never since looked any older than 50. (I’m thinking of an actual administrator who worked in the department I did my BA in, and joined decades later as an academic, when she was a couple of years off retirement at 65. This woman looked exactly the same at about 40 and 63-5.)

More often than not, I am tricked into thinking women are older if their voice is slightly deeper and comes across as more decisive. I've also been tricked by height - it definitely subconsciously adds on years for a lot of people.

Hobbies and interests can also mislead people sometimes. For instance, I knew a 24 year through my NCT classes that I thought was at least 30. It was because she carried herself very confidently and was into cooking and hosting fancy gourmet meals!

I agree that being married and having DC 'young' by modern day standards will also age you. If you spend lots of time around people of a variety of ages then your views, conversations and perspective are probably quite mature.

Some people do look older than they actually are. I worked with someone who I thought was in her early thirties, turns out she is 24. Some men in their early twenties who are already balding and with a belly often look older too. I don’t think of it as a positive or a negative thing, but if you’re 29 and people are guessing early 30’s that would pretty much be accurate.

Hair cut & colour can contribute to this. I know someone who has looked like she was in her 40s since her early 20s, and I think it's her hair cut and colour. She still has an unflattering hair cut IMO, but she updated her colour and looks a lot younger than she used to although now she actually is in her 40s.

I look older than my age. Not everyone looks younger and it's really hard to pin down anyone's age to within a few years anyway.
You are nearly 30 and you look in your 30s. That's honestly fine and normal.

How to not let it bother you? Well I guess by reminding yourself there's nothing wrong with aging and it's not an insult.

Yes, same, exactly.

From reading your post, l think it’s probably more to do with, the way you come across, you have an air (l couldn’t think of another way to put it) of someone who is emotionally mature, very competent and capable, so some people just assume, you’re older than your actual age.

OP 29 and early 30s is basically the same age. Most people would not know the difference between 29 and 33 just by looking.

When I was 32 I moved city temporarily to do my masters degree. I was living with a group of other students in their mid 20's it was only after I'd been living with them for a few weeks the found out I was 32 and they were all so surprised I was that much older as they had all assumed I was their age. Context obviously had a lot to do with it and the fact that we were basically in the same age group.

I have a round chubby face! Kept me looking quite young for a while but yes, jowls 😭i don't wrinkle, i just droop!

Op...I think it's because you're married and have a baby and perhaps mix in middle class circles where people have children at an older age? Or perhaps your whole demeanor is quite mature. I met a woman who I thought was late twenties but was actually 23...it wasn't her looks, it was because she was very calm and measured.

It could be the way you have your hair, clothes or now you present yourself. It’s impossible for us to say without knowing you.