I have been married for 9 years to my partner after really knowing him for 3 months.
3 years into it we had a little one, best thing ever that has happened to both of us.
However it just revealed all the cracks in the relationship ten fold. He isnt the type be be affectionate. I love a good old hug and for him its a chore. The other day i went to give him a kiss on his cheek and he was backing away, i never normally even do that. The past two days i asked give me a hug whenever i did hes response is are you on. it feels like i am begging him for affection.
He is stubborn, hes not willing to do what i say especially when it come to our little one.
we live with his whole family including his 4 brothers three are married with children, we have plenty of room in the house luckily. its been a week or so someone threw the bottle cleaner and he was saying arent you angry that someone did that, as i brought it. i said no because im used to this behaviour by your family and its funny this has been going on for the past 9 years you are noticing it all now. He said this is your home, i said its a house he then said you need to change the way you think.
During my pregnancy the mother in law was a night mare. When my little came i went to stay at my parents for 3 months and he didnt even message me during that time, which was really odd he was messaging my mother. the mother in law still holds it against me that i went away because the other daughter in laws didnt.
His mother has nothing nice to say to me, she has told her son to divorce me, even during my pregnancy she said she will be more than happy for me to divorce her son.
He is the eldest son, extremely close to his father. Marrying into the family i havent felt like i had a husband, being with him ive never felt more lonely and vulnerable, not having someone to talk to about things. Ive come to feel i have become too needy and i keep complaining, it just makes me miss being with my sister we used to do everything together.
Since last year i have said lets go on a holiday together, just us three, He kept on making excuses. His brother said lets go and he agreed, that was like a stab in the back for me. Who am i to him? I told him all this he said its for little one not us. clearly he doesnt want to go with just us, im not enough. hes more comfortable with his family
there was a time when he told his dad he wanted a divorce and another time when he told me to leave because he didnt want me anymore. he did apologies the next morning for that.
he is close to one of the sister in laws, virtually anything she says he listens too, he talks to her about his concerns, shes even brought him boxers in the past. its all so grating ive even said that i should be getting her to talk to him. to put up my little ones shelves it was a song and dance, again i felt like i was begging him. she only had to ask once and he did it.
we have spoken about moving house which he isnt keen on, he has said in the past i wont be able to live with you.
i wanted another child with him, but its not likely to happen any time soon anyway because hes not ready. his mother has said clearly something is not right with me if he is holding back..
I am 31 now, i dont want to keep feeling like this anymore. i have really been considering my options because 9 years in to all this and he hasnt really changed. its all feeling a bit soul crushing now. my liitle one loves him and he is a good dad. he is all ive ever known. i would never want to separate my little one from him.
Does anyone have any advise to make him love me essentially? what can i do? ive become a moaning myrtle. or have i been overthinking it all? I'm a bit lost with all this now...