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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- boss sending multiple messages to my personal phone

15 replies

catsandplants · 25/09/2024 09:59

Just looking for a bit of advice.

I work in an office based, HR role. On the early hours of friday, i unfortunately had a miscarriage at around 5/6 weeks. I was feeling incredibly unwell so asked my partner who also works at the same company to message my boss on my teams to say I would be off sick at around 6,30am. He didn’t word it exactly how I would but stated ‘Good morning, sorry I am unwell so won’t be able to work today, - my name.’. I went to sleep and woke up to a teams message and 2 messages sent to my personal phone at different times, and one to my work from my boss requesting to know exactly why I was off and asking me to call him to go through info for the following week as I had a few days leave coming up. He had messaged me twice on my personal phone at different times, as well on teams and work devices. This was all by around 9.30am. My partner had popped up to check on me and seen the messages and messaged my boss to say that I was unwell and asleep and also noted it was a bit of a sensitive matter so he couldn’t really share any info. He also offered to send over anything urgently needed as of course, he had access to my work laptop (hybrid job) and said I would reply to him once I was awake. My boss was quite rude to him and stated I had to inform him ASAP why I was off as he needed a reason for a form?

AIBU to think he could have just contacted me when I’m back in or at least waited for me to reapply on teams instead of sending me multiple messages on every platform all within half an hour of the day.

Once awake, I did speak to HR who helped me write a message to basically say please stop contacting me today, I will speak to you once I’m back but it felt crazy to think I had to go that far to get my boss to stop messaging me when I am off sick. This is not the first time this has happened, everytime I am off sick, he asks me to send him over emails and even go on ‘quick calls’ (for context I have only had a few days off this year once for e. coli and once for a miagraine so it is not a regular occurrence)

OP posts:
Catza · 25/09/2024 10:08

It is quite common that a lot of middle management are not actually aware of proper procedures so they just go into panic mode and escalate things unnecessarily until they are slapped on the wrist by HR.
I am sorry for what you are going through and it's best not to give work any more thought that it deserves. You are sick, you should not be checking your emails and teams messages anyway. And I would turn your work phone off and block him number temporarily on your personal phone for now.

AlleeBee · 25/09/2024 12:16

Catza · 25/09/2024 10:08

It is quite common that a lot of middle management are not actually aware of proper procedures so they just go into panic mode and escalate things unnecessarily until they are slapped on the wrist by HR.
I am sorry for what you are going through and it's best not to give work any more thought that it deserves. You are sick, you should not be checking your emails and teams messages anyway. And I would turn your work phone off and block him number temporarily on your personal phone for now.

True, but if the OP works in HR, presumably her boss does too so he really should know the right procedures!

Catza · 25/09/2024 12:58

AlleeBee · 25/09/2024 12:16

True, but if the OP works in HR, presumably her boss does too so he really should know the right procedures!

Show quote history

You'd be surprised. Part of my role is to support people in getting reasonable adjustments in work. A lot of large employers with internal HR departments have no idea how to handle reasonable adjustment process properly.

toomuchfaff · 25/09/2024 16:38

I'm a manager, and was always told legally you can't ask anyone why they are off and if they will be back, when they will be back etc.

Boss is well out of order, deserves not one iota of your attention at this time.

Tell husband (if boss messages or rings), that you are off sick for the foreseeable and when you're ready to come back boss will be the first to know. Boss needs sweet F.A at this very moment and the only messages that should be coming from them should be to give you their best wishes and hope you recover soon or they will be slapped with some legal issues. If they don't respond well to that I'd hang up and block the bosses number til you're better able to deal. They do not need a reason for you being off. They do not need it, don't give out personal info.

Sorry you're going through this.

Cherrysoup · 25/09/2024 16:53

Speak to HR and ask them to communicate with him/her the correct procedure for when someone is off sick. You can self certify for 5 days then get a sick note for 2 weeks (then 2 more weeks etc) in teaching, no idea if your job is similar but I assume my job is the usual procedure. He/she should not be sending messages to your personal devices nor harassing you when you’ve said you’re off sick, I find that deplorable.

StepAwayFromTheScales · 29/09/2024 00:38

toomuchfaff · 25/09/2024 16:38

I'm a manager, and was always told legally you can't ask anyone why they are off and if they will be back, when they will be back etc.

Boss is well out of order, deserves not one iota of your attention at this time.

Tell husband (if boss messages or rings), that you are off sick for the foreseeable and when you're ready to come back boss will be the first to know. Boss needs sweet F.A at this very moment and the only messages that should be coming from them should be to give you their best wishes and hope you recover soon or they will be slapped with some legal issues. If they don't respond well to that I'd hang up and block the bosses number til you're better able to deal. They do not need a reason for you being off. They do not need it, don't give out personal info.

Sorry you're going through this.

You absolutely can ask why someone is absent, because depending on the reason, you may be able to offer support.

Asking for a potential return to work is also acceptable, because you are running a business and may need to provide cover or plan support for return.

OP - Check with your company's absence reporting procedure to ensure this was followed. However, given the reason, empathy would be expected from your line manger. Just remember though, they can't do that if you're not communicating the reason why you're absent.

What is not acceptable is expecting you to work whilst covered by a fit note. It might be reasonable to answer questions on, for example a project you are delivering or high risk cases if in HR, but may not be reasonable to ask you to pull reports, or catch up daily.

Sorry you're going through this

Charlene1marie · 29/09/2024 08:42

First, sorry for your loss.
This absence is pregnancy related so can't go against you. He needs to know that! Go see GP and get a fit note! He will need to know the reason for absence so that your pay is correct. You can be brief or get hubby to tell him. HR should have told you all this too, as your work needs to know how best to support you right now. You can definitely just say pregnancy related absence until you return to work!

LittleMousewithcloggson · 29/09/2024 08:57

Firstly, I am really sorry for your loss.
Yes, work can definitely ask why you are off and can ask for an expected return date.
Most companies have absent policies that say you must phone in sick yourself (not a message) for that reason, so they can find out why and offer support.
Your boss was insensitive but you didn’t give him a reason. He also might have (understandably) thought you just wanted an extra day off on your holiday as you are on leave next week so phoned in sick.
Yes, he was wrong but you definitely didn’t help the situation
You can self cert for the first 7 days of any absence but I would probably speak to a dr on Monday and get a Drs note for a week or two. You can then take sick instead of your annual leave and have the leave a different time. (Obviously if you don’t get company sick pay you may prefer to take it as annual leave)
As a pp has already said, pregnancy related leave cannot count against you as an absence % so no action can be taken regarding warnings etc

MamaBear4ever · 29/09/2024 10:02

Sorry for your loss OP. Our work procedure is that we have to speak personally to the person who is off and log a reason for the absence. Depends on work policy. If HR involved and supporting you then maybe your company doesn't have that policy but it's not always the managers fault for being persistent

ExtraOnions · 29/09/2024 10:03

…so your partner has access to your work PC (your account and password), and sent a Teams message, from your account, pretending to be you, to your boss?

He then told your boss that he had access to documentation, on your work laptop (presumably sensitive as you work in HR)

I’m not suprised your boss wants a word ..

Also, maybe the odd language in the first message, looked like it was obviously not from you, and raise safeguarding issues. If it were me I would be worried that the partner had caused some injury.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 29/09/2024 10:11

I'm very sorry for your loss.

The part about your partner having access to your computer stuck out to me too. Surely he shouldn't be offering to log in for you and retrieve potentially private HR information?

What's your company's policy on reporting absence, is a Teams message enough?

TheCatCameBack112 · 29/09/2024 10:18

You need to comply with your organisation's absence reporting policies. This may include reporting via telephone call or by a specific time. Your husband shouldn't be accessing your accounts.

You may have local agreement to report via text or teams, but it doesn't sound like your boss is comfortable with the teams message. They also have the right to ask why you are off. You can say that it is sensitive or that you don't wish to disclose. I have sometimes dealt with absence management for staff three roles down in the hierarchy as they have had sensitive stuff going on that they didn't want their direct management team to know about. Large organisations track absence reasons as part of their HR and wellbeing strategies.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 29/09/2024 10:24

You need to contact your boss personally unless in hospital unconscious. Your partner having access is a red herring: he shouldn’t be communicating on your behalf.

i would be concerned if any of my direct reports I only had a message from their partner. Red flag for abuse…

But having established you are too unwell to work your boss absolutely shouldn’t bother you until you return.

ArrowOfAthena · 29/09/2024 10:50

ExtraOnions · 29/09/2024 10:03

…so your partner has access to your work PC (your account and password), and sent a Teams message, from your account, pretending to be you, to your boss?

He then told your boss that he had access to documentation, on your work laptop (presumably sensitive as you work in HR)

I’m not suprised your boss wants a word ..

Also, maybe the odd language in the first message, looked like it was obviously not from you, and raise safeguarding issues. If it were me I would be worried that the partner had caused some injury.

I'd want a word too.

Someone not in the company (and dept)having access to protected data would would be a misconduct issue. MASSIVE issue

Lovelysummerdays · 29/09/2024 10:59

MamaBear4ever · 29/09/2024 10:02

Sorry for your loss OP. Our work procedure is that we have to speak personally to the person who is off and log a reason for the absence. Depends on work policy. If HR involved and supporting you then maybe your company doesn't have that policy but it's not always the managers fault for being persistent

We have this too. They have a duty of care or some such so if you’ve been the victim of domestic abuse they don’t want to just accept your partner texting in to say ill. Being off with stress is different to I have a tummy bug. As you may need support of help to return with the former.

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