Can an abuser change?

[Cupofteaformeee]

I’m making a plan to leave STBEXH after years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse/threats of violence. All my trust in him is gone. However in recent years the verbal abuse has mostly stopped, he’s stopped name calling in arguments (I can see him go to call me a name but then he stops himself) Apart from a couple of bad fights per year, day to day he is reasonable, “caring”, affectionate, generous with money, makes a big fuss on my birthday and at Christmas, tells me how much he fancies me and how beautiful I am. If anyone could see him now they would think that he was the perfect husband and there’s no way they would believe what he was capable of.

Has anyone been in a similar position? I told him it was over in June and he’s been the “perfect husband” ever since.

I think if a film was made with a character who behaved like that it would tank because most people wouldn’t find it believable. He is fucking mental. I thought he was potentially dangerous before this post now I’m quite fearful for you.

Please take notice of @Garlictest post and get out quickly. She didn’t see it coming and nor might you.

It’s a head fuck.

Abuse is a head fuck. It's designed to be. So that you don't know which way is up, what's coming next, what you can do to get it back to the good old days (nothing - they were a sham), what you can do to please him. All of it is designed to have you doubting yourself, fearing him, cowering, thinking of him constantly. They keep your head filled with them all of the time so you don't have the headspace to see their behaviour for what it is.

@Cupofteaformeee you need to learn to stop believing him. This pawing at you isn't affection, it's just more abuse, not giving you space.

Please speak to your WA support worker and try and start thinking towards getting out, safely, as PPs have said, the sooner the better