Too strict on my teen

[Kkat1000]

I have a 13 year old son. We have quite a lot of fun and generally a jokey and silly family. He does Scout Explorers and a youth club in the week and after school clubs if something interests him.
He's been a good teen so far apart from a few moody days or bickering with my younger son (6 years) but they mostly get along.
We do have some rules that as a parent I stand by. I grew up in a heavily abusive and experienced inappropriate things as a child so maybe that has added to how I want to raise my children.
We use Family Link to keep track of my sons location (only really used if he's out on his bike or walking home) and also heavily limit social media. He's allowed to watch Youtube on the family laptop downstairs but not on his own computer in his bedroom. We don't allow other social media and have no plans to any time soon. We follow the film/game age ratings (so no 15s etc). We also have a set homework time after school to help him keep on top of his work (his school set a lot and very strict on detentions if not done) and he likes to have homework free weekends where possible.
He's quite a 'young' 13, still likes soft toys, loves minecraft and Pokemon etc. His bedtime is between 9.30 -10pm.

We have family game nights, go out to the cinema, have family days out, plays computer games with his dad, he hangs out with friends (mostly at home or) etc so plenty of fun too.

I was talking with my sister who also has a 13 year old but our parenting styles are completely different. Her son is allowed open access to social media, most film and game ratings etc. He's allowed out until quite late, bed between 11-12, no homework schedule or parental controls. We were talking about how our childhoods have shaped our parenting. She thinks my son should be acting more grown up, allowed access to more mature things like her son etc.
It got my wondering and doubting that maybe I'm too strict/over cautious.

Same age son. We’re doing similar to you re social media etc. However, we are letting them watch a few things that are beyond their age (with guidance from us of course) and it’s been good so far as it’s opened up conversations. A few things we’ve had to decide to stop watching but mainly it’s been positive as they’re going to be exposed to a lot when with other friends so we feel more in control this way. You know your son and what works for you all. Sounds like you’re doing a great job!

I think one of the sad aspects of modern life is the hurry for kids to grow up. People treat 11 and 12 year olds like they’re already teenagers.

So if your DS is still quite ‘young’ then your parenting sounds spot on. The tricky bit is to navigate gradually giving them more independence as they get older. And recognising when strictness is starting to drift towards control.

I’ve got an 18yo who is off to Uni in a few months so I’m practicing not being unnecessarily nosy about the details of her life. I need to know if she’s coming home tonight, if she’s joining us for dinner, if she’s remembered her key or needs to borrow the car. I don’t need to know exactly where’s she’s going and who with.

There is that feeling that they need to suddenly grow up etc. I guess that's why I do questions myself sometimes. My son, at the moment, likes who he is and the things he likes. He's said a lot since starting secondary school that he's not going to stop playing a game or liking something because others find it childish. I really admire that about him!

Navigating into adulthood seems like another lot altogether. It must be hard to break habits when your child is no longer a child.

It's ok for him to be nervous though, it's actually normal and what you want. For them to be nervous, and cautious, and then gradually become more confident.

Going further afield because you think there is someone to rescue you is not the same thing at all.

I'm with you OP rather than your sister's style of parenting.

Of course there's a balance to be had and I've not always found it with my son growing up. (No dad around).

But that's life. We're all just muddling through basically.

@BlueMum16

my friends still does! The whole Emily shares it & she's told her 3 kids there's no reason not to as her & their Dad have it too 🙄🙄her eldest is 20 middle 18 & youngest 16.

she still watches the 20yo & regularly watches her going home from friend & rings her to ask why she's not home yet (at like 10:30). The middle one is just off the uni now.

urghhh

That sounds fine. You're still letting him chat/play with friends

Honestly, I can’t imagine growing up in the age of social media.
Your son sounds great.
Are you happy with him? Is he happy with you?
Great. Ignore the outside noise.
I had a cousin whom I was very close to. Our mothers were sisters but very different parents.
Thank goodness. My mum was much stricter and her mum was very into the “upper class” stuff. lol my cousin wasn’t, though, so they were a bit of a mess.
I think you should let your conscience be your guide and that will always serve you well.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
And don’t let any fast-talking repairman tell you it’s broken. ❤️

Remember boundaries and rules also give security and though they may not know it, teens really do need this. Keep the open conversations going and negotiate the boundaries together as needed.
My daughter is 16 and we have each other on tracker as much for convenience (when to put the spuds on when on way home for dinner 🤣) as safety and certainly not out of mistrust
I have allowed her to watch older films say watch a 15 film when 14 if I’ve checked out the content and watched with her so we can discuss / I could turn off if necessary and now similarly having conversations about some 18 films (horror) she wants to watch at Halloween. .
Sounds like you’re doing a great job.

Thank you everyone. We will continue with how we are but still bare in mind as he gets older. I wish the world wasn't so worrisome with SM etc etc but I'm glad to know there are others with similar parenting styles.

Plenty time yet for your DS to grow up. Bear in mind once they see something unsavoury online they can't unsee it. You are definitely sparing your DS a lot of grief by keeping life as simple as possible. SM is just a nuisance.

My son is 14 and we parent almost exactly the same, no social media, homework days agreed, tracking, the main difference is I do allow higher age rating films and tv if I've checked the parents guide and am happy with them, some 15s especially from years ago are absolutely fine. He's a happy child who is still happy to spend most evenings with us, I have no qualms with how we raising him and have had nothing but compliments from friends and family.

Parents who don't have restrictions on phones or filters are so incredibly naive stupid