Pregnant, with a toddler, and temporarily homeschooling

[Northview8]

I'm currently pregnant, have a very demanding toddler, and a 13yo step daughter who we suspect might be ND. We're changing schools but have not managed to secure a place in our desired school. So while waiting on the appeal, she's been at home (for a tortuous 3 weeks now). I would had preferred she completed a term at his old school while we wait but my husband didn't agree.

So now I'm left with looking after my toddler and trying to homeschool my step daughter. She struggles with most subjects, but I've just stuck with English, Maths and Science and we're managing at most 1-1.5 hours a day. She can't be left to study alone, or even read a text book page alone. If I give her an exercise to do while I take care of the toddler, I come back to find her watching TV or playing video games. We all wake up late because the toddler is a terrible sleeper and doesn't fall asleep at night until midnight. I'm really worried my step daughter is falling really behind. But I just cannot manage to homeschool her temporarily whilst looking after the toddler and doing all cleaning and cooking at home.

I've suggested getting a cleaner and baby sitter to let me sit with her to study and catch up but my husband doesn't want to pay for this (and I'm a SAHM). My husband also works long hours and so cannot study himself with her.

AIBU for not being able to manage better? I'm feeling overwhelmed, really guilty (I feel like I'm failing her) and quite hopeless.

Also to add, she's with us FT. Mum isn't on the scene.

I would had preferred she completed a term at his old school while we wait but my husband didn't agree. - Then your DH can do the home schooling, if not SD goes back to previous school.

My advice would be don’t home educate her at all at the current time. Let her decompress. If she is ND and hasn’t been coping at school she will need time to readjust and recover. I assume there has been an issue with her mother too she will probably be very stressed.

Concentrate on rest and healthy food, talking if she wants to. Offer the opportunity for learning if she wants to (reading , watching a documentary or some art if she’s into that)

If she doesn't have an ehcp it's going to be near impossible to get a place at the desired school if their isn't one and now you have de enrolled her and home schooling there is no rush as far as the council or educational authorities care she's getting an education.

You and your husband are both busy.

It's not easy to homeschool a teen when you have a toddler.

If your DH won't do it and he won't pay for you to have time to do it then it doesn't happen.

”Long hours” or not your husband doesn’t get to decide she’s not going to her old school anymore, provide no practical help, no financial support to pay for help and just dump his child and her education on you for an indefinite period. You have nothing to feel guilt about.

Omg just get the poor girl into a school!!

You didn't want to home school her so why have you ended up in the position of homeschooling her? This is ridiculous. Is he one of those controlling tight men?

And you're not failing her her dad is.

Your husband can homeschool his daughter.

You could try the £2 tuition hub for lessons https://the2poundtuitionhub.com
You have my sympathy, home educating teens with a baby/toddler is not easy at all. It's worth it though, you're doing a great job.

It’s cliche, but as always first post nails it. Absolutely spot on. If your DH feels that strongly that he has to pull her out then he needs to homeschool her or pay for tuition because she’s understandably getting no education. It’s not on you to have to do it whilst caring for your toddler. He caused this, he can fix it. Totally unfair on everyone but himself.

Tbh for the short term fight and probable damage to the relationship I’d drop the homeschool. Ensure she has social activities, sports and outings for her mental health.
you aren’t going, with this set up, to move forward academically being realistic, so just focus on not fucking up the wider relationship and keeping her with good sleep habits, social skills and confidence.
Dad needs to sort out school. In the meantime be realistic for your own relationship with her and her general well-being. She’s not learning either way, but she can be happier. Talk to her about what she wants and needs, out the books aside and listen.

She's probably ND, struggling with most subjects and you are pregnant with a toddler - 'home schooling' in a traditional way just isn't going to work. I wouldn't try.

If she needs to catch up, your husband is going to need to find a tutor.

He might work long hours but he can sit with her at the weekends!

Otherwise, I'd just let her follow her own interests, get some books out of the library etc. Watch some documentaries, do some duolingo.

Try some Oak Academy lessons. They're really good and you can just be in the room rather than trying to teach her.

I’m a home educator - albeit my little one is primary age!

You're doing a great job.

You really don’t need to do as much as you think you do. If you can do some maths and English every day in workbooks (or Twinkl, CGP books, BBC Bitesize), some reading on whatever interests her, and a documentary or similar you’d be absolutely grand.

If that’s too much, then try a period of unschooling.

You’re doing a LOT of formal work for home Ed and it might not even be in her interests. I’d just involve her in your daily lives, take them out to places the toddler will also get something out of, do a bit of baking, reading etc and follow her interests. Find a home Ed group locally if you can.

If she’s ND and burnt out from school she’s likely to need a LOT of time to decompress and recover.

Thank you so much for all your suggestions! Especially the link for £2 classes and the recommendation for Oak Academy.

Her reading comprehension is very poor and this is impacting other subjects. I suppose this is my greatest concern. She just doesn't want to read and struggles with even the most basic comprehension exercise. Anything I should be doing at home to help her with this?

I’d get her an English tutor.
Get a maths tutor.

Take her to the library and let her pick some books.

Id tell your husband he has a fortnight to find her a school or you will be out for the day and he will have to take her to work with him.

There is also no reason why he can’t do the homeschooling when he gets home from work and at the weekend. While you have her I’d stick to tutors or basic reading.

Also at an appeal you will have to show it does more harm than good not to let her in the school. Presumably they’ll just say she can go to the other one. So I wouldn’t bank on it. You need a back up plan.

Does she enjoy reading? Could you encourage her to read and narrate back to you what she's read at all? This is used particularly in a Charlotte Mason-approach to home ed but it could help her, especially with some of these ideas rather than just telling it back to you:

simplycharlottemason.com/timesavers/narration/?srsltid=AfmBOoplwERRdUf_xta8kYNlRi5Omn4_hJVt9hmchrv4Ky9EWk73GISu

Also, if you're on FB you might find your local home ed group helpful. National ones can also be good for ideas too.

If she’s struggling to read and needs to develop her comprehension, pop a film on and chat to her about the film. You can gradually increase the questions to be more comprehension-type questions. Even simple things like “why do you think he did that?” are a start. “What do you think will happen next? Why?”

You get to sit for a bit, toddler can play with you/do some crafts/watch a bit of the film. She gets some decompression time whilst also working on a skill she needs. When DH comes home, ask her to tell him about the film - there are your recounting and recalling skills.

I know it may be a big ask but perhaps try to foster an enjoyment of books by reading aloud to her in the evening? If you get a quiet moment, that is. Sorry, I saw that you'd written she doesn't want to read but maybe you might be able to spark an enthusiasm for stories without the pressure of reading herself.